Saturday night flick.

.
.
I've been holding back from jumping into the Lynch movies.  I've seen the first, and would like to watch that first.  However, like a rare treat, something that is a bit excessive, there is a time and place for such things.  This was not it.  A movie was recommended to me long ago, and then many times since by vary strange and different sources.  I... avoided watching it, believing I wasn't quite ready.  Or maybe not ready.  Tonight was the night.  Donny Darko was the title.  Not bad.  For me, actually, not even strange.  I won't say I believe, or don't, only that some of the possibilities, for some, are probabilities, in the positive sense of the more common understanding of that term.  Maybe.  Anyway, I think so.  Or I did, or will.  I can't always remember.

I did set the dishes to a fresh soak.  The laundry is all done.  Some things need folded, some things need hung.  I hope to do a bit of work in the bathroom as well.  The kitchen will be after that, along with tearing down boxes.  Trash will be readied for taking out Sunday night.  As well, I am hoping to swing my sleep schedule around a bit.  I'll need a bit of luck and a lot of push for that.  Medicine... yeah... I keep missing that.  Though if that is at an end, I should just get used to the fact.  I lived without it for decades, I suspect I can do so for more decades.  Time isn't what it seems, nor is life or death, really.  Important, in a certain way, but not at all what some would tell you or believe.

Hmm...  I'll get going in a bit.  Just a bit of music, then maybe back to some work.  Then rest and work through the night and maybe on through tomorrow if I can push.  Later.

Friday dinner.

.
.
The last time I visited my friend, he had been talking about pork shoulder roasts.  While we were out shopping, I noticed several on sale so bought them.  Since I bought, he offered to cook.  Cool.  So, yesterday, he set one for a very long slow cook, calling me when it was nearing completion.  I grabbed various rolls and a movie.  Monty Python the Life of Brian was the movie.  He hadn't seen that one fully.  I also have In Search of the Holy Grail which, while he has seen, it's been a while.  That might be the next movie the next time.

I considered Lost Highway, and some others by that director.  But I wanted to... test the interest before just rolling those bones.  David Lynch is either enjoyed or simply not, or far too much.  I'm still thinking about it myself.  I actually haven't seen anything else other than the one show, but mean to change that.  I'm still trying to get a grip on what is what.  That IS the point to his movies, from what I can gather and what I have seen.  There isn't another way to things.  And it's not an easy road to nowhere, not for the simple, the mild, the meek, or some other sorts.  It's a thought engine that doesn't really ever shut down, only goes away as it gets buried by life over time, and mostly not fully ever.  Still on my mind after decades since being watched.  When I broke, I went looking for answers.  I knew those answers weren't in the mundane or medical, or not the medical that was being offered.

The roast was quite good.  Yes, you can mess them up.  But a little diligence and some reading and thought and a decent roast will all but do itself.  Still, people have messed those up.  I also took over a mild dessert, toffee and chocolate covered almonds.  Well, some nut, if I think it was almonds.  Those went over well too.  My last woman type introduced me to those.  I'd send her some if I could figure out where to purchase them online.  And I'd need to check to see if she was still there.

No, I wasn't able to wake in time to do anything, businesswise, Friday.  Frustrated, but stuck in a web of sleep cycle hell.  I can't seem to push or pull my way into daylight, and I have been trying for a week.  Just off.  I'll keep at it.  It beats being awake but immobile.  I hated that as a kid.  Hmm, what can help me push around is housework.  I might make a stab at really digging in.  Cleaning the bathroom, start to stop... finishing the last of the odds and ends dishes... and finalizing the last of the clothes.  All the clothes are done, they just need a final sorting and putting away.  That might push me back into days sooner than not.

Later.

Alright, I see some problems.

.
.
It looks like someone is really working me over.  I have heard nothing back from the V.A. regarding an appointment.  That was supposed to have been arranged within five days.  I will be giving my doctor a call tomorrow, then calling the center again, if I can find the number.  My guess is that has gone nowhere, a circular file.  Which means I am, again, running low on medication.  Again, I have to decide whether to cut it, stop it, or continue.  Again.

More?  Ah, the refinancing has been canceled, again.  Why?  It might have timed out, I was thinking.  I remembered that there was a problem with them accepting my payment this month, and actually never checked back on that, to make sure my custom auto payment went through, after the second attempt.  I noticed paperwork from the company, so opened it.  I am told that I am behind for, it is looking like, two months, maybe three.  I have been on automatic payments for years.  It looks like they are trying to rob me of my home, on top of everything else they are doing.  I'll call tomorrow, though I doubt if I will get any straight answers.  That is why, most likely, the refinancing failed.  Oh, it isn't as if the payment information has changed.  They are literally returning the payments.  It's not a missed thing.  They are doing this on purpose.

This does not bode well for life as is.  I can't keep a home if the loan company won't accept payments.  I can't keep one, let alone both, eyes on these bastards.  I'm just not able to keep up.  Yeah.  There is definitely trouble ahead.  On the good side, it isn't winter.  If they refuse payments, I'll save up until they boot me then go on to somewhere else.  Trouble indeed.

Work, work, work.

.
.
At a turtles pace.  That isn't bad.  Everything I will be washing in the machine is washed.  The last load is in the dryer.  All the coats are done and hung, save one that just won't dry.  I refuse to use high heat, so I'll let that air dry the rest of the way.  Clothes are sorted, but not quite all folded and/or hung.  The last of the regular dishes have been put away.  A shower, then I'll set the irregular and new item dishes to soak.  Seriously, a really good run going.  Now to keep it rolling.

I'm about to hop in the shower.  After which I'll set the dishes to soak, but leave room to get in with a bucket so as to do a strip wash/clean of the bathroom.  Yeah... it's coming along fine.  After the bathroom is finished, the last of the dishes are cleaned, dried, and put up, and the clothes sorted and put away, I hope to hit the boxes.  Breaking those all down and getting those in to town the next next day I go in.  And hitting the kitchen so hard it hurts sparkle.  Yeah, we'll see.  Taking care of boxes will begin the process of sorting out several other rooms too.

I've continued prepping, if more slowly.  Canned butter and cheese, most recently.  Not a lot, just enough to run, perhaps, a year of having those things as very irregular treats.  There are a few other things going in, here and there.  At some point there is only so much more to do.  Of course, when I get to an exact point, I want to start using.  Actually I am using some of it.  Legumes of various sorts, and canned goods of the medium term larder, go into regular use and  replacement.  I have a grain grinder, so the wheat may begin being cycled through.  And other grains as well.  Bit by bit, it takes time to fully implement a program.  And it's never quite perfect.  Building a lifestyle and life cycle around foreign ways takes a bit.  Thankfully I have the rest of my life in which to do it!

I best get going.  I called my friend, offered him to go out, and it sounds like he is in.  He has been stuck at home for a while too, by the sounds of it.  One or the other of us will eventually push and pull the other, I think.  I just need to get my hiking gear together.  Actually, he's better at my gear than I am.  I suspect I'll learn a thing or three, but that's part of the point.  I used to know more, but dead batteries, for too long, has wiped memory and the will to things which were once nearly native.  We'll see.  Later.

She visited.

.
.
In my dreams, she arrived.  Moved, by recent notions, dubious about some things too.  She asked how I could deal with such powerful things, as what she presents.  I simply opened her eyes to the rest of the story.  Always two sides.

Awake and about to hit it again.

.
.
I'm not good at fine detail, on some things.  House cleaning is, well, stuff, something, etwas.  The last of the dishes should be dry, though I have irregular dishes and new items to wash.  That should be easy though.  I have a few more loads of laundry, coats and synthetics, whites, and wools I believe... if I have enough wool to wash.  Something I ordered to help keep the bathroom in order arrived.  Have you ever been in the hospital, as a man, and been unable to get out of bed, but been conscious and somewhat able?  Yeah, the urinal they offer?  It isn't because I am sit or bed bound, it's because, even with an extra heavy duty large and tall toilet, I am still quite a ways off the deck.  Splatter, that's what I am saying.  These will mean I can go without sitting, and without endangering the water supply by going au natural.  Some things just aren't designed for even midget giants.

Tea is being made as I speak.  I just got my hands on white peony tea and green gunpowder.  I would also like to purchase some other, dark, teas.  Lately I have been consuming mostly tea.  I have been experimenting with multiple steepings of various teas as well.  Actually, that is turning out much better than I thought.  That first steeping, while stronger in caffeine, is also usually much more acidic(?).  It can be a bit overpowering.  But by the second, third, perhaps even forth pass, it is fully tamed.  Go too far and you end up with warm water, though you can get a good idea by the third pass if anything is left for more and yet usually have something-something in your cup.  Not necessarily something I would offer company, unless they too were more aficionado or curious.  No, I'm not truly an aficionado, I'm just discussing that some others of my acquaintances could and or have been such.  For some reason I meet the oddest of folk.  Hmm...

It's been quite good.  Work.  I am well ahead.  I am going to continue.  It feels like, after recovery from shoveling, I have been able to shift that effort back into the cave.  If I can keep it going, then add hiking, maybe fishing, a bit of travel, and such into it, I might get life to be a much more pleasant thing.  It will always be a grand effort.  You have no idea how much push there is just to get out of my chair.  But that is, and always has been, my style.  As weak as this seems, it is as if I was coming out of a tomb.  The tomb, it seems, just won't have me.  And, finally, I am glad for it.  Later.

Work.

.
.
I'm not going much more than a snails pace, taking rests like the hare takes naps.  And yet it is getting done.  The last of the regular dishes are air drying.  I dried all the glass and metal, but drying plastic is for the birds.  One load of laundry had been, mostly, folded and put away and another will be through shortly.  One more load is in the washer, but that is it for that on that tonight.  Ah, and the baskets for the freezer have been washed and returned.  Plus I measured so as to consider shopping for bottom freezer baskets.  It's just much easier to organize with additional baskets.  Keeping like meets together, stacking even those, and still having some room for bags of ice or other assorted items.

Feeling a bit rough, for some reason.  I think I am staying on medicine, and eating.  I just realized, it has been years since I went without food for a week or more.  Yeah, that hurt.  Starving hurts right up until it doesn't.  If you then eat, you might be tempted to (and I often did) overeat.  That hurts just as bad.  Amazing.  I am surprised none of that ended me, at least on top of everything else.  It was torturous, boys and girls.  It was truly harsh.  Now, a few days without food isn't totally unusual.  It just never goes so long it hurts to a crescendo then stops hurting.  Oh, I started up the grill, too, tonight.  Brots, steak, and a small beef roast... should keep me in meats for nearly the week.

I hope to do a bit of business yet tonight, at least the paperwork.  If they sent it to be printed.  If not I may try to get to the post office tomorrow.  The problem is the post office is open, currently, during my down time and I don't seem able to shift that much.  We'll see.  Tomorrow evening I hope to get out.  Ice, milk, cat food, minor usual needs.  As rough as I feel, I might be able to sneak a nap in and wrangle the morning to my ends.  We'll see.

Later.

No wasting of this day.

.
.
It was difficult waking.  A false start or two, if way too early.  When the time was right though I was on my feet almost at a jog.  Dreams, which I will discuss later, both pulled me back to sleep and were an incentive to wake.  Odd how one thing can cause two opposite reactions.  Up, up, and out.  I set a pot of tea, washed the dishes and set them aside to be soaked after I showered, showered, then put the dishes to soak.  Oh, and before I showered I pulled the clean jackets out of the dryer and hung them.  I have a few more jackets to wash.  I wash them by material, so they simply don't all wash together.  Bam.  Pleased.

The dreams... for the last few weeks I have been seeing my children, future or potential, in my dreams.  Dealing with them as a father would, sometimes when they are children, sometimes when we are all adults.  And her.  She is often in there, if not always literally present.  Supporting, or even wishing I would go another way.  But her presence is often known, even if offstage.  Odd how the moon can pull even the sun, or so it seems.  Terribly wonderful dreams.

What else today?  I don't know.  I'm still, a bit, limping.  "Morning" sprints... are just a maybe.  The hope is to finish dishes and keep going with laundry, perhaps get to town just to go, or maybe tomorrow.  Oh, and to check my phone messages and figure out some other business operations.  Bleh.  And, tomorrow, make another call.

Though, now that the cave is coming to some order, I may not discuss why I have been hiding, beside just health.  I feared that the odor from the freezer had... gotten onto everything.  And yet I couldn't force myself to cleaning and washing.  It was all just a bit too much and I had nothing on offer.  Over the last week or three I have slowly sorted it all out.  That's just as fast as the machine would go.  Now the freezer is cleaned, cleared, and back in operation.  I added a fresh box of freezer baking soda, opened (on both sides... huh, go figure on that! :p).  The dishes are almost all done.  The cat litter has been cleared, cleaned, and is being maintained.  The bathroom is about to get a complete clean and clear.  Oh, and the tub drain has been sorted out and is running like a top, which was part of the holdup.  And every stitch of laundry is in the process of being washed.  As weather warms, I will be able to open up and allow fresh air to finish the job.  So... yeah... there.

On to the day.  A bit of gaming to start the actually wake-up procedure.  Hmm, after a bit of blog and "news" review anyway.  Later.

Something just wasn't working right.

.
.
I did some work.  Then hit a snag, then another.  I couldn't even game well.  I did get medicine in.  If you have ever had a vehicle that was spotty, would run then not, start then quit, that's what it was like.  The vehicle just quit last night.  I got things going enough to do a few things, simply couldn't maintain for long, or well.

Bedtime.  I have a dozen things I really mean to do, in the house, business, and more broadly social and religious.  I simply can't get to it, right at the moment.  Perhaps it is too much, maybe I am just a bit low.  I'll keep at it, just not today.

At least I don't really feel poorly.  Though that is almost insult to injury.  If I feel bad, and can't function, that makes sense.  When I feel fine but simply can't work then I wonder.  More used to wonder.  Now I know, if knowing doesn't really help all that much, or change how I feel about it all.  Never mind.  I'll keep trying to figure things out.  I'll keep doing what I can, when I can.

Good night.

What a nap.

.
.
Did a few things, was gaming in between, then something went south.  A nap, I thought.  I crashed hard.  A knock on the door at 19:00, 19:30, somewhere in there, woke me.  Dinner.  I am up and have been since, if not terribly awake.

I have run a load through to the dryer, put a second on in the wash, and have my last jackets and synthetics ready for a wash next.  I should hit the dishes before too long, when I can stand to do it.  After that, those will go into a hot soak, then be dried before the night is through, I hope.  After that I have some odds to wash, and new products that need to be washed first.  I might have a load or two of laundry for my next wake cycle.  Still, I will be well ahead if I can get these things done.

If I can work in my next wake cycle, beside finishing laundry, and maybe just the few odds and new dishes, I'd like to break down boxes and put them in the Xterra.  Then get those in when I shop next, Wednesday or Thursday.  But that nap thing sort of caught me off guard.  No major concern, I can work around such.  Must be the medicine restart.  At least it isn't hurting.

Bit by bit I am putting things back into play.  I may check my balances, and if food, order four duck.  One of which will be roasted as soon as it arrives, or close.  I'd like to make one to share out with my friend.  As well as a good gravy and mashed potatoes.  We'll see, but... as soon as I can afford it, duck is back on the menu.  Later.

Unhappy, but I had to chuckle.

.
.
I thought I was going to make it to bed early.  I mean really early, as in last evening.  Anyway, I went about tinkering and not really paying attention.  A bit had passed, I thought maybe I would sneak in and sleep early.  I looked at the time and just had to laugh through minor bitter tears.  It was almost 5:00 am.  I mean, like... ten hours passed and I had no idea.  Hopefully, if I can keep up on meds, that won't be a problem here on in.  Until it happens again.  pftftftf  I sort of just went about things since it looks like turning back the clock isn't going to happen.  I don't know when I finally went to bed, but I would peg it at between 7:00 and 9:00.  I just woke at about 14:30.

The cave is coming together.  The first thing I do, when I can get to it, is the dishes.  Hmm, or maybe I'll sort a first load and do laundry first first?  Yes!  I am going to, pretty much, wash everything.  As I said, I don't think the freezer odor infected everything.  Just that, when messing with it, it gets in the nose and I smelled it everywhere.  I hope.  Not taking chances, is all.  Plus, it's spring.  A good time to wash coats, jackets, and all else.  Then sweeten the air with open windows on the better temp-wise days which also have a touch of wind.

I did get the cat litter cleared, trash and recycling out, and finished shut and initiate the freezer.  I did spots of this and that else, for work.  I'm simply not really able to keep up on things.  But, once in a while, I can do more, for a while.  The kitchen really is getting closer to being a one shot kill.  And, some day this week I may see about breaking down boxes for a delivery of them to town the following day.  Men simply aren't house keepers.  Not all women are but almost no man is.  Just the facts, ma'am.

I'll keep at it.  Later.

Almost ready to get ready.

.
.
I wasn't sure much would happen today.  As it turned out, I missed two days of medication, except insulin.  Why I remember part of it but not all, I don't get.  I keep it right there together and I honestly mean to take it all.  Back on it as of today, I think.  I know I have taken it all today.

I hit the dishes but late.  I wanted to get a shower before dinner arrived.  But dishes were in the way, at the least slowing my will to it.  The call came a goodly bit earlier, but I understand.  Schedules change and things work out as they do.  I often work like that, or even have to cancel.  Anyway, that prompted me to push through the first set of dishes.  They just needed a final wash and rinse.  But if I was going to do that, I was going to go ahead and dry and put them away.  It's the only way to be sure they won't just be left for later, often much later.

A shower after, life was good.  Then I put the last of the dishes, mostly, in for a soak.  I have since washed those once, then set them to a second soak.  Yeah, they need it.  Not as bad as the worst, just... if more for my satisfaction, really, than need.

I may yet hit those again, and put a load through the washer and into the dryer at least.  As well, I might get the last of the coffee out of the freezer.  I think it really did work.  I just need to wash under the freezer for the last of the scent of rotted duck.  If the stink isn't in the freezer, then it will fade with time.  That is, I do believe, the case.  Though the coffee has tamed both inside and out.  It didn't actually stink up the hole house, somehow.  Just a small area around the freezer.  That is tended.  If I finish up the freezer tonight, and restart it, assuming it passes muster in a few days, I should be set for the beef next month or the month after, and replacement ducks.  A duck on the quarter is good for the mind and stomach.

I will, after the beef arrives, order a pig after that.  I'm giving a pretty hefty bit of the beef out, and will probably be giving a bit of the pork out too.  Though the pork will be given in parts.  That friend's freezer won't hold too much.  Still, I'll probably end up giving him a quarter, or more.  Urhm... if everything works out.

Yeah, I'll get the trash and recycling out.  This all will make me much closer to really getting started, as I suggested.  Tomorrow I have business in town, if I can make it.  I hope to also hit more laundry and finish the dishes.  I have bigger jars that aren't really dishes, in that they aren't standard or regular, that need to be done next... soon.  The bathroom has to be hit, then the kitchen.  I keep digging in, not quite getting done, falling back, and then moving in a little more.  It really is three steps in, one or two back, and on.  I'm getting closer to actually hitting things really hard, and right.

Later, or good night if I don't return.

I do my best.

.
.
Sometimes it just doesn't matter.  I missed medicine again.  Last night for sure, though probably all of yesterday.  The day before?  It just slides away.  One, even two days off, can be fixed pretty easily.  Four or more days of missed medicine means lots of pain when going back on it, or can.  Odd how sometimes it's easy, sometimes it is brutal.  I know heart medicine is rather potent.  Still, why the difference I can't say.  Hmm, actually... I suspect it is because sometimes my heart is much worse off, sometimes it is better.  Heart?  Perhaps my whole system.  It is rather, extremely, variable.  Back on it today.

I didn't finish the dishes yesterday.  I'll get started on that this morning.  I really hope to kick it out today, and do some or all laundry.  Maybe work in the kitchen.  I have been doing bits and pieces out there.  Even if I just do a few more bits and pieces that would be fine.

Alright, I did just a bit of looking today.  My electronic thermometer, for outside, was reading 36 F, which means thawing.  Just barely.  A few degrees, over time, is enough to cause little pools or damp areas from thaw.  No such thing, currently.  That tells me it is probably off by a goodly bit.  Even at what I suspect is just 32 and a fraction thawing happens.  I need to see about a thermometer for outside which I can be certain about.  I don't trust weather stations any more than my own instruments to date.

It's been a slow week.  I can't seem to get geared up or pushing on or out.  I'm doing good to be awake, and not all that awake.  I'll keep chiseling at it.  Perhaps with a full spring thaw?  Life is such a strange thing.  I just reviewed spring from this one through to when I must have been... what... seven or so?  Not every spring, can't remember them all, but a lot of them.  We really don't get life, or ourselves in it.  Easier to see our oddities, misconceptions, and such, from a distance.  Can't every, fully, see that in the current time.  But, with a bit of preview, top-down consideration, and a bit of luck, I can make the current oddities out to some degree of reliability... on the rare occasion I think to assess and spend the time.

Oh, have you been reading politi-blogs lately?  One of them, supposedly all about being anti-moonbat (moonbat = hard left) suggested that Cruz is the only way for non-moonbats (though maybe it is anybody but an actual American?).  Cruz and Rubio aren't even, in the truest sense, American.  Being open border, Rubio is for the destruction of America.  I am pretty sure Cruz has no intention of doing anything against "immigration".  At least I know where people stand.  I also know false advertising when I see it.  I'm not sure if they are shills or just wrong.  Though there is no complication with people being both, they do it daily.  Look, if you are going to support some people, do it squarely.  Admit they are shills for mega-corpa, admit they don't give a crap about America, sovereignty, our borders, or the middle and bottom parts, and call it what it is.  Heck, they don't even care about the American wealthy.  It's only international wealth that they serve.

Well, on with my day.  Later.

Reviewing a recent review.

.
.
Sort of.  Over at Vox's, someone was saying something about something.  A movie.  I suggested the movie sucked.  That Alien, the series, was better.  They called me on that.  Since I really hadn't seen the movies in a while, I really wasn't prepared to back it up completely.  Still, I was sure, to my tastes, the Alien series was better.  Dated?  I just didn't know.

As I am replacing lost movies I am also filling some gaps.  One of those was the Alien series.  I refused to buy the movies until they were packaged together, and all in bluray.  It just so happens, that as I was selecting movies, I found the Alien series as I wished and on sale.  Okay.  I pulled the trigger on that without much fuss.

I was very surprised that the first movie was out in 1979.  Seriously?  As I remembered it, it was out in '85.  It might have been that in never came to where I lived.  Small towns had one movie house, which often only showed one or two movies, and showed those for a long time.  We just didn't get the newest, biggest, or those the owners considered controversial.  What may have happened was that I didn't see the movie until I was in the Navy.  I remember it was Orlando, Florida.  It was 1986, in late spring or early summer.  I was in nuke power school, and had my first real weekend without having to wear dress blues off base, and without serious restrictions regarding time, plus I had some money.  I could rent a car.

I am almost certain it was the first movie.  Perhaps they were bringing it out with, or in advance of, the second in the series?  I just can't be sure.  The thing is, now that I review them, the first movie isn't really too badly dated (as I see things).  Actually the second movie is more dated.  Too histrionic, among other things.  I have seen the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd so far.  The first and third are still okay, the second was just a bit too silly.  I am betting the fourth is, as I remember it, my favorite.

It isn't the best sci-fi/horror out there, by far.  It just isn't too bad.  There are huge secular and feminist type flaws in it.  And yet, it's about what you can expect.  In these times I would reject such, out of hand.  This series, as with much of the pop-culture of my youth which I have an attachment, is grandfathered in to a degree.  Very little of it would be acceptable if new.  Some of it just went away anyway.  Some of it stayed.  Well, now I know.  I'll go to bat for it, at least compared to some of the worse stuff, one way or another.  A Space Odyssey, for example.  Bleh.

Good night.

Yes, awake.

.
.
Not until 13:00 or so.  Up.  I fed the girls first thing.  Not something I usually do.  An extremely rare action.  Still, once or twice a year and they feel special.

I set some dishes to soak last night.  I hit them first thing this morning.  They need another wash according to how I see things.  Mostly flatware, serving and cookware, pots, and a few bigger bowls.  The detail oriented items.  After I finish those, I'll take a shower then set up the bulky but easier to wash items in the bin.  I'm using the pots to contain what I am washing.  It's easier to manage.

I have started considering an electric dish washer.  Utah, a few years back, changed what is allowed in dishwasher soap, so it might not be worth it.  I'd rather have to slog through hand washing dishes, for myself, than mess with scale on everything.  And I'm not interested in attempting to become a chemist in order to attempt to get something like clean dishes.  I haven't done much research on the topic since I heard they had nerfed dish washing powder here.  Lots of complaints, never saw a solution to it, then lost track.  Of course, buying a dish waster is the first part, then getting it installed, and well, is the next part.  Don't even think you can or should do such.  I've learned my lesson several times over.  Limits.

Today?  I don't know.  I've been running rough lately.  It's a great day, in the 50's.  I'd love to get out but it just isn't going to happen, or at least not as I would like it.  Hiking, or even a drive, would be fantastic.  If I get out, it will be a run for food, or to the grocery store, not anything of a non-utilitarian nature.  I would, however, like to do more work in the cave.  I really am thinking I am nearing the possibility of getting the cave cleaned.  It could happen.  Sooner or later I think it will.  Dishes, a shower, soaking the rest of the dishes, and a couple of loads of laundry... start to stop... would be good.  Later.

True?

.
.
No, not me.  Advertising.  I suspect this vid has some truth to it.  I've cut ads drastically.  I use various browsers, cut cable, am still considering getting away from the "smart" phone altogether (but don't use it for anything by calls at this point anyway), use ad blocker on all of my various browsers, and... do everything else I can to shut down, turn off, erase, remove, and destroy access to advertisers.  And, no, he isn't really selling anything.  Just crying in his beer.  If he pretends to be advertising all sorts of things.  Though one does wonder how much, or if, he was paid by various companies.  The gig might have been a trial balloon for an extra revenue stream.  Or just humor.  Or fact.

Okay, and resting.

.
.
It's not a bad day, just not a busy one.  The temp got up to, according to one of my thermometers, 64 or maybe a bit higher.  I opened up the place just for some fresh air.  Nice.  Really.  Then the temps plunged to 54 in no time.  Something, weather or atmospheric, must have happened.  The sun was the same, so that wasn't it.  All good.  A bit of fresh air was nice, has to help with mood and maybe health.

I've been meaning to order pants for hiking.  The thing is, I hadn't been getting out.  Jeans are my favored pant for common day to day, and some cargo pants.  The jeans aren't the best for hiking, and the cargo pants are showing their age.  New was needed.  I looked far and wide, compared what companies were offering.  I'm not going to pay $100-$300 for "hiking" pants.  I don't care how "high tech" or groovy they are.  Duluth Trader makes excellent seeming pants, cargo, light weight, nylon, sturdy, and on sale a good enough deal.  I ordered three regular and one pair of lined.  Unless I hike for months at a time, and probably even so, these will last a goodly number of years just for that.  My only problem, which I wouldn't mind, is if I really hike a good deal I might lose enough weight to have to size down.  Wouldn't mind at all.  I'll review them when I receive them, and after using them a few times.  I picked these out long ago, just haven't been out enough to spend the money on them.

It is a really good day.  I think my sleep is going off the rails as the world warms up.  It seems to have warmed so much and so quickly that I've been taken a bit by surprise and storm.  Loving it though.  It means hiking is much more likely.  Even just a short foray or dozen, as the thaw sets, would be good.  Oh, and fishing.  I might have a fishing partner.  Yeah, when you are this ill, it's difficult to get out on your own.  A partner in crime helps.

Later.

No, no, yeah, no?

.
.
Medicine is going down like clockwork.  My internals seem to be repairing, feeling better.  Sleep is sliding into the afternoon.  Not much work is going forward.  Yeah.

I seem to be in rest and repair mode.  I can't really push beyond it, quite yet.  I suspect I will improve quickly if all goes well.  Then I just have to attempt to keep on track.

Life isn't bad.  It is improving.  I am frustrated with a lack of ability to work, but I think that is coming.  I might be able to get a good run in.  If I can layer an occasional hike, perhaps even a bit of camping, in with work, I might be able to build up better than even my best to date.  I am honestly hoping to line things up for a full year of not just being awake and aware (which has become commonplace) but active.  How active?  A clean cave, regular food, and weekly, perhaps bi-weekly, hikes plus monthly camping trips.  Yeah.  We will see.

Spring is in the air and it is super.  I didn't mind the sub-freezing temps.  It really wasn't awful.  Spring, in a way, is often colder.  While the temps are higher, rain and wind really change the perspective, or reality even.  Still, I am healthy that way.  I should start getting my gear back together.  It's mostly all ready, just needs to be rearranged.  Later.

Finally did make it back to sleep.

.
.
I think it was 3:00.  The wind has been gusting.  Though it is warming.  My thermometers are in disagreement, by a lot, and online sites... when I check... seem to split the difference.  And yet I trust my mechanical thermometer more than the others.  It's a bit frustrating.  However, I suspect that beside choosing poor places to measure ground temps, weather "scientists" are just as well choosing instruments that do not measure accurately.  No, I don't trust them.  Often I believe they mean to get it wrong, and arrange it to fail.  Even so they are failing.  Which means, if anything, global cooling.  Since that would be contrary to man-made affairs, they have lost the battle.

I set the alarm, changing it to go off a bit later.  I couldn't wake though.  Sleep was just too off.  I am pretty sure the phone rang a number of times, which I haven't checked yet.  Though I might have just dreamed that.  Yeah, that happens, about fifty fifty.  Or I will get one call then echo that in dreams.  I really should turn my phone off when sleeping, or trying to sleep.  Nah, tried that.  I then have a solid chance to forget to turn it back on.

Today?  Hmm... a bit of waking.  Then I'd like to dig into the bathroom and kitchen.  A shower, then setting up dishes, putting a load of laundry to go, and then seeing where I can go after that.  In the upper 40's F, outside, it would be nice to clear and clean enough to open the windows for a spot in the afternoon, if it stays this warm.  I did vacuum most of the stuff out of the freezer.  I left what was in pie pans in there.  And I need to wash the inside surfaces.  It seems that the freezer had fluids inside of it, which came out.  That caked what had been dry coffee and baking soda.  It doesn't really make sense.  In any case, I need to wash the interior again.  It still seems like there is a minor odor.  Though, perhaps, I just need to move the freezer and wash under it.  Bleh.

Spring seems to be arriving early.  If this is just a moment, all good.  If it is for real, that is all good too.  Just having a break, either way, is good.  I had finally gotten used to it being locked in.  Not terribly cold, just solidly below zero.  Hmm, perhaps there is a chance to get out more often, maybe get to hiking a little earlier.  Nothing fancy, no massive hikes, just little spots out in the fresh air.  I think my friend is hoping he can get out too.  Between the two of us, I might end up out a bit more often.  Sometimes solo, sometimes as a crew.  My ability to carry gear, like a bite to eat, extra water and water purifying, and even a couple of hammocks and shade cover, could make for fairly reasonable outings.  Danged kids anyway!  *grins*

Well, on to waking.  Yeah, I still feel bruised to the middle.  I can't be sure what is causing this.  I've had it before, but only when off medicine, or going back on after a poorly stretch off, or if I had been in a fight a few days ago, maybe a week ago.  If my opponent was any good at fistwork and reasonably sized to put that in play against me.  I almost felt bad for the idiots who decided to check a known false with me.  Effort won't earn an A here, just a clobbering you won't forget if you survive.  I'm not sure what is up with it.  It's not bad enough to keep me down, I don't think.  Just annoying.

An odd cycle.

.
.
Usually when I go to bed I stay asleep.  There are things that can cause problems.  If medication isn't regular, if I push too hard or too long, if I ate something bad or as my friend calls it a gut bomb, if temps are too high, though there are others.  Dreams can pop a can of no-sleep on me, the worst of them.  If dreams have been bad enough I will avoid sleep.  The thing is, none of that was the problem.  I went in at 20:30, then fell asleep easily and well.  At 23:00 my eyes were open and that was that.  Here at 1:36, I am wide awake.  I have avoided anything that might keep me awake.  I had a bite to eat and milk, I think I had milk anyway.  Tea, even caffeinated, usually puts me to rest, as does coffee.  I might try that.  No dreams, no problems, medicine has been regular, food has been more regular, I just don't quite get it.

I'd sure like to rest, to keep my schedule going.  The cave is sweeter smelling with the work I have been doing.  I'd like to keep up on some things, and get ahead on a few others.  I don't need a regular day schedule for all of it, but some of it might be much easier to do with a day schedule.  Which I have been keeping for a goodly while.  Whatever.  Something to drink, then I'll try to hit it again.  The only thing off is that my innards feel as if I have been in a fight recently.  They have felt that way for the last week or so, off and on.  Everything else seems good.

Good night, again, I hope.

Ah, wind and... something else.  Weather is being funny.  I think that's why I can't sleep.  Gusts blow my sleep mojo away.