A new focus.

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I ended up not going to bed early.  My illness, or the immediate one, disappeared, then returned, through the rest of the evening, but in milder forms at each return.  No idea what that was.  Food poisoning doesn't do that, so I am suspecting it really was just a mild bug.  I am highly resistant to those, in spite of all other health issues.  They almost built me bullet-proof... all but.  And that one flaw came due.  The rest remains.  A bit rusted, and all, but some say better, even so, than a normal.

I finally did go to bed, but very late.  I set the last clock right, the alarm clock.  I did add the customary half hour to it, so as to be up early when I use it.  I have tried ten minutes, but that just wasn't enough.  That and my sub conscience knew and figured for it.  But an half hour is more than it can manipulate unless I consciously hand over the calculator for the reals, which I usually can successfully refuse.  I mean, an half an hour lead is what it takes.  An hour would be too much, and I would just... not feel a rush.  It is what works.  Yeah, my own body and mind are like children, and must be... negotiated, tricked, cajoled, etc.  Everyone is like that, to a degree, but not everyone is mostly dead.  It takes a lot more, and even then it's more miss than hit.  Not a science, but science can be employed.  And I do as I may.

In any case, I woke this morning feeling... ready.  I have much to do.  Cleaning, storing, sorting.  I fell far behind again.  Some areas are still more advanced than they ever have been, other areas need work.  So... I...  I will begin working.  Or planning at least.  One thing I found?  That mesh metal shelf I got for the kitchen?  That helps a bundle!  I have another one, that I was going to use to grow plants.  What I am going to do with that is use it as, at least, temporary storage.  I will put it together, then, as I am boxing things to clear areas, I will label those boxes well and put them on one of the shelves.  Pairing first, a bit, as I resolve... then, again, after areas are clean.  Going through the boxes and finding new homes for some of the items I don't need/want/use.  Ugh.  Bit by bit I will retake this place.

I want a plumber in, I want to work on the en suite, I want a new washer, perhaps washer and dryer, I need a new stove... but I want and need the place cleaned up for those things to go forward!  So... I best get to it.  I think I can, I think I am getting there.  Good day.

Something is really off.

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A pretty bad headache, along with nausea.  I'm glad I didn't try to get out tonight.  I don't know if I ate something I shouldn't have or just a bug.  I steamed eggs earlier, they were too old.  I did try them.  Yeah.  Well, and there was something else I ate that was questionable at best.  I actually suspect food rather than bug.  I took several otc pain pills.  I'll head to bed early.  I'll sleep as needed, taking more pain pills if I feel the need.

I did call my mother.  She sounds to be doing well.  She had a small, two people, Thanksgiving, and I think they enjoyed it.  They have big events for most holidays.  Once in a while it's nice to go small.  I found out what she could use for Christmas.  She actually needs things again.  Needs?  Wants?  Since she gets out, and works in public, she has returned to having a more detailed fashion sense.  It worked out better than I could have hoped.  The first part is on the way.  I may see about another set of gifts for another target.

Ah well, I think I am really done for the night.  I have fought through for as long as I could.  I sure hope sleep gets me through this, this is miserable.  Is that a fever, or just... a side effect of nausea?  Bleh.  Still pleased for the many treasures, pleasures, friends, family, and relationship to God.  The rest will work out.  I have enough faith in that that I actually don't need faith for it?  Yeah, yeah I think that's about it.  It makes the suffering... irrelevant.  Good night.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Oh, well, I have been invited to a dinner.  I just... it doesn't look like I will make it.  Behind, slow, too much to have done to get there, and I'm not moving at a solid pace.  I hope that does not offend, it is not the intent.  There is no intention, other than that I can't quite get myself, and clothing, in sure order, to be there.  Even with several days headstart it simply wasn't possible.  Little things, sure, daily.  But not enough in a day, or even several.  I wanted, as a second, to roast a duck.  I just... didn't have enough going for that either.

Do not fret!  I am still very thankful.  While I may not join in festivities, the offer was there.  And if I may not eat a fowl meal, that option, too, technically, was there.  I will have something to eat, a bit more simple perhaps.  But all good.  I will be many places in spirit.  And I will enjoy my solitude as well.  Yes, it would be good to be out and enjoy company, I have learned that is a treat, a rare one.  Enjoyed when it all works.  Solitude isn't strictly sought, though has become a norm, and not a hated one, not a cage.  It is good.

I had thought to address my kitchen appliances this year, as a Christmas present.  I am still having trouble with my financers, and they may be simply going to steal my home.  I will give them one last chance.  If they refuse, again, to help me get on auto-pay, I will simply begin moving things out in preparation for eviction.  They started out good, then, I think, Zero wanted them to push vets and others into some sort of socialist program.  I didn't want that, and refuse to do more than just pay off my home as agreed.  I'll dump it rather than be forced into taking more money I don't want or need.  Yeah, this monkey in a mansuit is really a piece of shit.  So... that is off the table.  If that gets resolved, I will consider doing this next year.  New stove might have to happen, one way or the other.  But a new fridge, perhaps a dishwasher if I'm not sure where to put it, definitely a new washer and dryer as well.

Instead, this year, I went with a rapier and off dagger.  Oh, yes, fully functional.

Well, you have your hobbies, I have mine.  Oh... the dagger won't really break swords.  It's... just a fantasy name.  It WILL catch and, with a quick twist of the wrist, arrest a blade.  It... is quite handy if one has the inclination, understanding, and dexterity required.  Doing sudoku in 5 seconds means, at my best, I am better than most.  That includes the use of manual weapons.  Though... one thing that is learned in time is that every battle is unique.  Every one can be a failure.  Those with the greatest skill, most serious intent, best equipment, and being wide awake and aware have been slain by the most humble.  Never assume a win.  Never lose your head.

That having been said, and all else being equal... Believe or else, with these weapons I would gladly and easily contest a katana wielding opponent.  Though, with many swords and arming daggers that is possible, these are truly superior to almost any unarmed to lightly armed combat.  I wouldn't attempt to take on a fully armored man with these, mostly.  If pushed, I would use the dagger, my mass and the weight of his armor, momentum, and dexterity to get behind, knock him down, and force a surrender or cause death.  That's why mixed groups were best, each covering for the weakness of the other.  But war, back then, was truly hell... if, usually, only for the combatants... mostly.  Today it is hell all the way around.  I do yearn for the wretched good old days.

Oh... right...  Later.

A changing world.

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The young simply live with change.  They don't always get it, they really don't need to get it.  Not while young.  They can join in when and where they can or stay out if it's not to their tastes or needs.  In a career, they have to, then, stay up on the changes to stay employed.  Some change is cultural, some is social, some mechanical.  All things change.  Sometimes in increments, sometimes by leaps and bounds.  Often the change seems to be for the better, but isn't.  Imagine, for example, if electricity went away.  That isn't a possibility, it is a certainty, at some point in our history.  We think with the length of our lives, not the certainty of history and the natural realities that surround us.

The point I am getting to is, that at some point people stop trying to adjust to changes... or lose the ability to do so, or even to notice the changes.  I wonder if I am there yet, or not.  Oh, I am sure some of the young would think I am not keeping up, with texting or such.  They don't understand that I simply have no need or want of such.  Given my situation, I am fairly well aware of changes.  I am more balking at some, while ignoring others, and still using that which fits how I do things.  Actually, I am probably still advanced on some things.  Not really for trying, more by needs and wants.

Still, I realize times are changing at a greater pace than ever.  If I also see a nexus.  The drive forward has gotten beyond the ken of man and only two things can happen, as to change.  The one possibility is that the driver of change will be automated.  In such a case, no man will be able to keep up.  Change will just happen.  Personally?  As suspicious that I am a form of chaos myself?  I don't think that will happen, or if it is tried, it will fail swiftly and terribly.  Why?  Chaos, which brings change, requires purpose and reason.  An automated chaos would not have... a will, only, perhaps, a way.  Just... trust me.  Or don't.  Doesn't matter, in this case.  The other option, the one I am seeing more likely, is a push to retrograde... to change, but change back.  Oldschool.  That I see even the hipsters looking at.  Many, especially the newer gens, realize they are so far underwater, out of their elements, and dispossessed by it, that they will either become slaves to the system, or break away and become their own lords.  Choices are simple, but harsh.  Such, as maturity dawns, is the realization, and truth, of life.

I think the robber barons, too, are in trouble.  It isn't just Joe the Plumber.  It is the billionaire, the state (of whatever size), the company, the church... all have used and pushed beyond their means and truths and are now facing everything from impossible to maintain structures and services to disenfranchised believers, users, buyers, and sellers.  All alone in their towers, while the hordes gather and rage.  I don't even think us "peasants" need actually revolt.  A collective shrug, then walking away, and these things can simply whither and die.

Yes, I am still aware.  I simply won't become addicted to tech, or use things that are more of a complication and expense and binding tether than any real use.  I have friends who are trying to back up their life on hard drives, or document their research... all for naught.  Some have never even have had children, or protege.  What is the storage... who is to receive the storage?  Can they even keep up with the tech to keep the files current to tech?  Trapped in their own minds, I suggest.  I suppose a harmless hobby, unless it cost them a real life and family.

Dark dreams... I can't see past the emotion.  Is that part of this post?  I don't think so.  This post was just... me figuring out my place in some things this morning.  I am saying that I do understand what is changing, I simply don't choose to be a part of the aspects of it that I wish not to pursue.  Do not think you are ahead of me... if you are going the wrong way.  Do enjoy falling beyond in your race to succeed.  It just means I'll be and remain well ahead of you.  Later.

Oh, a failure.

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It's little things, really, that seem to bother the most.  My house shoes are... dead, and more.  Birkenstock's, mules, woolen, green.  I like them, if I hated them for the longest time, as need converged with availability, these have done well.  But they are beyond tired.  They are almost dangerous to be wearing.  So I went looking.  I tried simple slip-on shoes from Walmart.  I found some that, mostly, fit.  Too hot.  And, after less than a week, they started smelling like a wet wild animal.  Spraying didn't help.  It was the junk material used.

Since that time, I have been searching for simple house shoes, with the intent of, if I find some, more expensive or cheap, of stocking up.  Two pair to alternate wearing regularly, and another two to four pair just to have for the future.  I have looked at slip-ons, mules, and others.  I have looked at higher end, and lower.  What hasn't been too hot has been too small.  I have no idea... where to even look.  I am almost at the point of just going with those steel-toed work shoes, a few pair for just the house.  But those are a bit pricey to store up four.  Two would be pricey.  What happened to the shoe world?  I usually wear a 12/13, as with the shoes described (13's were a bit big, going to 12's this next time).  But with the mules, I ordered up to a 14 1/2 and it was way too small, couldn't get my foot in all the way.  Really?

I may look again at slip on's, with a decently sole... and consider cutting the heel off/out.  Ugh.  Just... a... mule...  Is it really that difficult?  Hmm... I wonder if one could be made?  I doubt if it would even be that difficult, just a lot of fitting, refitting, sculpting... it might take a while, but if made with design and science and formulated a bit, the second, and on, would be much easier.  I just don't have quite that capacity.  *sigh*  It's... in there.  I just can't do it.  Later.

Such dreams.

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In the first one(s) I remember, I was skydiving, without a parachute, or any such.  It wasn't just fifteen feet, it was... thousands of feet.  Sometimes off structures, skeletal beam structures, but what would such be doing that high, what would they have been secured into?  Perhaps they were sent out from mountains.  Still, how to support such?  Well, I did mention "dream", right?  It, or they, were awesome dreams.  Often I landed in water, but no always.  Why was I diving?  Because I could, and wanted to, it seems.

The next dream wasn't so fun.  I was open carrying, into a truck stop to pay my gas bill, I think.  While I was waiting for them to process my card, some yahoo pulled a pistol.  I could tell it was fake, but I let him know that wasn't cool, a good way to get shot.  So he pulled a real pistol, but didn't point it at me.  Then left.  The guy processing my card was messing around, doing something himself bad.  Then I realized I couldn't remember some things.  I asked my partner, he had memory problems too.  Something bad was happening.  I think they were just planning to rob us through the card, we were too big of game and not the right kind, for their usual hunt.

I was a federal marshal, I was able to call in a raid on the place and it ended up being a den of horrors.  You know there are places like that out there.  They aren't always hidden away.  They sometimes operate at the busiest places.  How they keep a lid on it?  I suppose even those making legit money want anything bad suppressed.  Last I heard, Cali "loses" 35k people a year.  That is those who are reported.  How many illegals go missing?  Some dreams, even if I resolve them, I would rather not have.

Today?  I don't know.  I'll... get to a few more, or many more, things.  Later.

A new week.

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There is more hope this week than last, and much more than any week in the last... long time.  I don't even have a time I can easily look back and see where I was doing well.  I think it started with feet problems, then went to potassium deficiency or the sensation that was the problem.  Slowly I have dealt with those things, sort of, if I am still not regular with them...  Then fall hit, and soon winter.  I seem to be leveling out.  My fall seems to be arrested, for the moment.  Now to get up and get going.  I have been doing very small things that way.  A new week, another opportunity.

I put at least half of the ham and beans in a single bowl and put that in the freezer.  I... well... I can eat that lot per time.  This is the first time I diced all of the ham right away.  And, yes, that is worth the time.  But it is time and effort.  Often, for me, cleaning a place to work, then working, is more of the trick than the actual work.  I hate when all I get is slivers of ham, but then chunks that are too big are also not preferred.  I do like fat, just not large pieces of that.  This was about a perfect ham and beans, if you like white beans.  Though, other than a few odd beans, like kidney, most beans pretty much taste very similar.  I would bet, unless the bean is strangely shaped, most could not tell one bean from another in a blind taste test.

It is raining today.  Given how late in November it is, I won't complain.  We didn't get any real snow the other day, it stuck only to the grasses and mountains, leaving roads and the rest open.  And it didn't last the morning, or more than a day... or... something.  Being the sick kid at home, I don't always look out.  It's almost depressing, some days, seeing a whole world, one I want to play in, one I can see but not quite touch.  Some times more so than others.  It was darkest right before things opened up again, as they saying goes about dawn.

I'll keep at things.  I hope to take a shower, set up another batch of dishes, and set a load of laundry to wash.  I may try to attend business as well.  Just one piece, but an important piece.  Be well.

As simple as ham and beans.

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That's all it takes for life to be good.  It's only ever good for a moment at a time, often.  Oh, sometimes you stumble into a lot of it, then trip and break something.  Which, isn't bad.  I really do enjoy the good and bad of life, even without knowing there is and will be better.  We, even as adults, are more like puppies than we are stoic, knowledgeable, wise, and erect adults of faith, truth, and light.  Oh... those things can be there.  It's just... even our best aren't all that good at those things.  The truth of the matters, all of these and more, will either free you are cause you to surrender even yourself to a slavery of hate, want, and even worse.  I play a hard game, but, at the end of the day, even if I don't think of the game as just a game, realize my limitations, have a chuckle, and keep at it.  I cannot win, even though, if I have true faith, I cannot lose!  Which... is part of why I pray to, and adore God.  He planned all this.  With Satan, and us, sabotaging His gig at every step, willfully or simply foolishly, possibly even wisely as we might see things, He and we will still win, with faith.

Oh, right, beans.  Ham really adds something special.  There is a touch of smoke, a bit of fattiness, some salt perhaps, and some other things.  If you learn to eat right, cut out junk foods and the weird stuff they put in their, and the high salt?  Beans actually taste good on their own.  Nothing fancy, but not bad.  My palate, for the most part, has been stripped down.  I can't like some things anymore, things I used to think I loved.  And I love some things I didn't think I liked, at all.

One trick, when cooking beans, is to get the beans just done, or maybe just about done but close enough to finish as the pot cools.  Another trick, for me, is to put the ham in at a time when there will just be about an hour more of simmering.  Some things, like lentils, cook within that time, so ham can go right in.  Most beans take from two to six hours of cooking, even with soaking.  Lentils, and perhaps just a few other delicate beans, go fast.  If you do beans and ham right, it simply can't be beat in it's class.  This time, I didn't just salt.  I added garlic and dehydrated onion.  A very good add.  In an half hour I will dice the ham and have a bowl.  Then plan on portioning it and freezing it, when it cools enough for that.  Yeah.

Later.

Sunday? All day as some like to say.

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I suppose one could get technical and suggest over seven hours of the day have passed.  So it couldn't be all day.  However, as things are going, I know I won't be awake until it is technically Monday, by hour not by functional business day.  So, does it truly matter?  And, if talking about function, doesn't that include conscious ability to use as a day?  Plus, no one likes those who get technical unless there is an application to the set-aside.  Snark, smarm, or just know-it-all'ism just isn't appreciated, and for good reason.  If you ever feel tempted?  Unless very occasionally?  Don't.  Stick to puns.  Those too are perturbing, but allowably so, save to English teachers (especially female ones) and those who save puns as pet peeves.  I often love to pet peeves though.  Huh?

Oh, the girls woke me this morning.  For some reason I slightly overslept.  So Sam let me know it was time to shimmy.  I tried to bribe her were pets, itchies, and scratchies.  She was having none of it.  Why late?  No idea.  I went to bed early enough.  I did finish off the dishes I was doing, but that wasn't enough work to be a problem.  No idea.  I slept well, feel good.  Oh well.  It wasn't much late, just a bit.  I may set my alarm, if that... can sometimes be counterproductive.  When you have a bad heart, if you need sleep I advise you take it.  If it gets too much?  Suffer it.  Pushing through, I just don't think, has ever lead to successes, only misery.

I soaked beans last night.  I drained those and have them on the stove now.  I will be adding a bigger chunk of ham once it hits boil and I turn it back to a simmer.  This time I'll be tearing all the ham down right away, then freezing about half or more of it, separated into those 32 ounce containers.  Pull one or two out a week, a couple meals set up and aside.  I just can't do canned soups anymore.  Home canned, maybe... dunno... but I can't really get to canning, not solo.

A shower, before long, after I wake.  Then more dishes and some laundry, I think.  Good day.

Well, a start.

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The first small portions of dishes were washed and set back for a second wash, save a cast dutch oven which is done.  As well, a good meal of lamb chops and eggs was made and eaten.  Lamb is pretty rich, which is either a draw or repulsion.  Eggs, with runny yokes any way, helps level that out.  I have just enough time for a second meal if I want it.  Not sure I actually want it, but I may need it.  Or I'll have popcorn.  Popcorn isn't great, in once sense.  But it is an easy way to get fats into the diet.

A trick I do with butter, at this point, is... especially with my ability to taste salt being questionable, is to add salt, but also dried herbs and garlic, stir the spices into the butter, then pour it on.  Any other way and too much flavor settles to the bottom.  I just use a typical italian spice blend.  That evens out the flavor, and I can taste it better than salt when my ability to taste is weak.  Might be something to try, however you do your popcorn, though.  It does take some practice.  With your seasoning not all ending up on the bottom, the flavor is much more potent, salt included.  So... if it fails the first few times, start quantifying... a teaspoon of this, an half teaspoon of that, or to your tastes.  Oh... and I think even with normals, your tastes will change.  While we can quantify, we aren't objective beings.  Go light, you can always add more, as my final tip.  Yeah, I'll just go with popcorn.  I'm too close to the end of my eating time for more of a meal.

I did pull more meat out to thaw.  I have hamburger already thawed.  I pulled out more, a steak, and a ham chunk.  I'll do beans again soon.  I just won't eat it singularly.  That'll open up the valves.  Sometimes it doesn't, for me.  Sometimes it does.  More if I haven't been eating correctly lately.  Anywho...

A bit more gaming, another hit on the dishes, and maybe knocking that set out, then a shower or bath?  That's the goal.  Might put a load of laundry through... towels... first with baking soda, then vinegar... or was it the other way around?  There is supposed to be a way to strip towels back to the basics... get that... tang out of them.  I'll give it a try, let you know what I think.  If I remember to do it, then if that if I remember to notice and report.  Bleh.  Later.

M'okay.

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Look, I realize sometimes my body is so... down... so something... that things don't work.  I didn't realize that included taste.  Or, maybe I did.  It's a lot like depression, I suppose, only it's not chemically, but physically, based.  Simply, the parts involved are not getting enough blood.  Or not enough chemicals can be created to transfer sensations from the source to the brain.

Off and on for the last month, though fairly regularly, I haven't been able to taste various things.  You know how powerful some gum flavor is?  Yeah, couldn't taste it.  Salt was becoming a problem, could not taste it.  Had to be careful when cooking and seasoning.  I could taste a bit of a burn, if I used too much, perhaps way too much, but nothing else.  Flavor is back.  It's been like this for the last 30 years, worse for most of it.  Simply, I didn't remember, not for long.  I am starting to figure this one out, just not how to deal with it, always.  It's nice to have flavor back though.

I've been gaming.  The Shadows of Mordor, this time.  I don't know what I think of it.  It's a bit of a pita, in the sense that I've not played a game like it.  On one hand, it is interesting.  On the other, it'll let you get in way over your head from the start.  It is easy to burn out on the game.  Further, even as I level up, as complicated as that is, it doesn't really seem to make gameplay any more reasonable.  I just broke into the second tier of skills and such, so I'll know more in time.

Odd how, even when I can't taste, or feel, or think, I can still do a sudoku in 5 to 10 seconds, or play a game meant for those with reaction times of the young.  Then again, I'm not sure the young have that fast of reaction times anymore.  Without experience in competitive physical activities to back up electronic, something is missing.  I know a lot of guys my age who have quit, because they simply can't play.  If I quit, it is because I simply don't like the system.  Some games cheat, and make it a timed, rather than speed thing.  Most do, probably.  I do hate that, especially when it is too obvious.

Later.

Another regularizing day.

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I can't say things are perfect.  I can say I have waken at about 5:30 (actually 5:41 by my computer, which is off, but it's what I used because it's the first thing I see and it is the same thing each day) for a week?  Longer?  I have been doing bits and pieces each day, if not what I hope to do.  Yeah.  Well.  I am feeling mostly rested.  I am not in pain.  I am not too foggy.  Everything seems to be doing well.

Dreams last night.  Of childhood, of things that existed in those times, of how I thought.  While I was certainly a child compared with how I am now, I... never was a child.  I knew far too much.  It wasn't mechanical knowledge.  I could see into people then.  I thought so, but the dream... cemented that notion.  I could see sin.

Of course, what passes for sin today, often, is not sin.  Much of what is called sin isn't any such thing.  The ten commandments, plus the first two... 'go forth, prosper, and multiply', along with some others.  Some sins, or more prohibitions were eliminated... that of foods mostly... 'worry about what comes out of your mouth, not what goes in it'.  I use pairs of " ' " these when I paraphrase.  Many translations, not sure which you might be using.  There were other things, though... for example, long hair on a man is one thing that has been called an abomination.  Yeah, it's in there somewhere.  There are differences between prescriptions, proscriptions, and sin though too.  A question though... while Jesus predates the writer of the long hair thing, if Jesus had long hair, he would have known of it.  So... either Jesus didn't have long hair or the writer (or one who was quoted) thought that not all things Christ were good for all Christians?  It's homework, for you, I don't have an answer.  Not a trick question, just... a question.

See sin?  Aye.  Much as I see in the dark today.  I have mentioned it, put up music videos about it.  See.  Right into the heart of a man.  Right into my own heart.  The old riddle, 'Everyone has it, but no one can lose it'?  A shadow.  But that is more a story, for I was without shadow for the longest of time.  I was in the dark, of the dark, from the dark.  There are no shadows away from the light.  But sin?  That would be a better answer, at least in this place, in this time.  And see it I do.  And did, even as a child.  Grating.  Especially to have come to understand it was, and will be again, a time without sin... even in hell.  Not yet, here or in hell, but... soon enough.

Well, as I said, better.  And jibber jabber.  Dreams can really make me think.  Oh, and I am back to daily fasting.  Eating what I wish in a four hour block, the rest is for without food.  Daily fasting isn't even really that harsh.  I can eat enough potassium, if I keep greens, beans, and such on hand and in the queue.  A couple weeks of this, and medicines back to regular, and then I start on the two or three day fasting cycles.  Good day.

A regular morning.

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How long it will last is another question.  At about 5:30 I was awake and up.  To be honest, that is the perfect time to wake.  Not much traffic to disturb sleep, nothing expected quite yet, time to wake and make a grab at doing other things, time for planning or just some quietude.  If I can find my bible again, I might start reading from it, a bit each day.  A study guide would be good.  I'll look into a study guide.  Quit talking and do, right?  Right.

Today?  I don't know.  I didn't end up doing much else yesterday.  I am hoping to do some cleaning today.  Just a few loads of dishes.  If I do what I have planned, then maybe a load of laundry.  That is all I will schedule in or my mind will overload.  If I end up doing more, it won't be because I overscheduled.  I am in the sort of space where planning to much can kill everything.

I thawed meat as well.  I am setting up to have breakfast.  Steak, and maybe eggs.  I have cleaned the litter boxes and fed the girls already.  Keeping the litter boxes sorted is more important in winter than summer.  I can't just open up and air things out as easily or often.  Though, push come to shove, I can blast the furnace, open some windows, and turn on a fan for a bit.

A shower, maybe a bath, would be good today.  I may try epsom salt without anything else, if I bath.  My feet are getting better.  It's slow though.  It'll take those a long time to truly heal.  And it will require regular use of the water pill and compression socks.  Not absolutes, but pretty regular.  Being a form of chaos, I can't do absolute regularity and do well.  You'll just have to trust me on that.

I've salted the steaks, then I let them sit for an hour.  I had to work the cast pan a bit, but that is done and ready.  It wasn't too bad, or bad at all really.  It's just... that is how cast is.  It's fussy and takes a little work before, during, and after.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  You know, cheese would go well with the eggs while I am at it.  Later.

Some things just don't fly.

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I have tried to watch vampire diaries, or whatever it is called.  It's a monster series, from a female perspective.  It is why feminism is doomed.  And, yes, all women are feminists.  The pretty ones just... find that male company is better than female solidarity, by far.  Even if they hate it, too, often enough.  Anyway, after bleeding manliness off the way one might bleed heat in the North Atlantic in winter, trying to watch the first two episodes, I have given up.  There is no monster story in there worth digging through that much estrogen to try to find.

I turned the heat up, but it's not helping.  I may turn it up a bit more.  The hope is to do some work in the cave today.  A few small batches of dishes, perhaps some laundry, maybe a little clean up in the kitchen, and just possibly setting up for food again.  I've been seriously off my feed.  Popcorn, a can of sardines, and that's been on heavy food days.  I also need to figure out medicine and get more regularly on it.  I have been on it, just sporadically.  As I begin to do better, getting more regular with that will help.  And getting on the last medicine, carvedilol, might help... after it hurts and I work through it.

I may start a game.  I simply cannot handle the series.  Not sure I want to start up X-Files.  Though, if the game falls through, I may just begin X-Files.

It is getting cool out there.  Later.

Now that was different.

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Several things seem off.  First?  My mother called to check on me.  She said she has tried to call me for the last three days.  I have received no messages and no trace of a call.  Further, the last time we spoke, she said my brother had called, and left messages.  Again, no messages were recorded, no trace of a call, or calls, was indicated.  I have been waking at about 5:30 the last week or more, and using my phone in the morning to play sudoku.  So...  No clue about that.  I wonder if Verizon employees are adamantly anti-Trump protest types, and are screwing with some people and our lines, redirecting, not connecting through, or hacking?  Or are other such types doing so?  All I know is that I am not receiving calls or messages, but can call out.  I need to get rid of this "smartphone" I do believe.

The reason for her call was also... unusual.  It has happened before, it is simply rare.  She wanted to know how to cook bok choy.  It seems that has become available... someone is growing it and offering it, but being "strange", few are taking it.  She dared, but didn't know, exactly how to deal with it.  And she remembered that I had cooked it for her before.  It is good to, even if only rarely, be of culinary assistance.  She taught me much of what I know, and has advised on a thousand and one recipes or techniques.  She has taken two or three helpers, a few bags of groceries, and fed armies.  She can go simple or rather fancy.  She might not know exotics, but anything on a local, regional, and probably national level, she can work with.  Bok choy, essentially, is a form of cabbage... to me.  Stir fry, perhaps even kraut, steam, and I would even consider making slaw with it.  All the cabbage sorts can be used as a pseudo raw noodle replacement, if that works better with some sauces than others.

It did snow, by the way.  If an inch and an half was had, most of it melted.  It started with a rain, which, I think, is why only the grass seems frosted.  The drive and road doesn't look iced.  Which... super.  I may, if I can, get out and attempt to pull some of the stems out to the roots, the ones which would not come up by raking/cutting with the flat-bladed shovel.  I got most of it.  I just ran out of energy after an half hour of tinkering, along with the rest of the day.

Another project, replacing the rear windshield wiper is proving difficult.  I checked at my usual maintenance shop to no success.  I have checked amazon, but... I just don't trust them.  I called autozone today, but they don't have anything listed.  I may have to call the dealership.  I would like to get an extra arm, if that may not be needed, and a couple of extra blades.  If it's proprietary, I hate having to wait, potentially, for delivery.

Yeah, I was up at 5:30 this morning.  Doing good, actually.  I have the furnace set to 66, it's frozen outside, and a t-shirt and unders are good enough.  Actually the girls want it warmer.  And I may turn it up to become a bit more active.  A shower and a call or three.  More business.  If that all works, then maybe more.  So much to do, so little time, so behind.  Good day.

I actually did do more.

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Business, so far, mostly.  I had packages to return, four of them.  Complicated, a bit.  Had to trick around to figure out what with which, but did so.  Then to find a box that was the right size per grouping.  A bit of packing helped.  Then in to town.  After that, I got the auto washed.  It may snow tonight or tomorrow.  As much as an inch and an half may land.  I have weed remnants in the drive!  I took out one line of them, may work on more.  That makes shoveling a serious chore.  I really need to get weed killer on that, and not just for this reason, next year.  Weeds will wreck a drive.  I probably ought to get a crew in to work on that, next chance I see... if I have the money.  Argh!

I did have pizza, as a reward.  Yes, yes, but it's been... a while... a long while... since I've had a treat night.  I might even sip a tipple or tres.  Bonne!  See what I did there?  I'll probably, in truth, only have one good nibble of Blanton's... a mild but true bourbon.  I told you I'd be trying bourbon.  Now, though, when I have a tipple every six weeks or so?  It's... just a tipple.  Maybe two.  It'll take me a year, maybe two, to drain that hooch.  That, my friends, is drinking.  I don't even actually catch a buzz.  It's for the taste, mostly.  There is minor blurring along the edges, only slightly more than what the end of the day normally brings.  Yes, a sip, or two, but no more.

I'll be finishing the Teen Wolf (?I think?) series tonight, then probably starting on another monster series.  There is a lot of suck in it.  It's a teen thing.  Oh, and they cram every queer type they can, and multi-culti, to brainfuck the kids.  Most kids, though, know better.  No amount of teaching really does change kids' minds.  They might get stuck in something stupid, but they know it's stupid.  I think the end of the like for that is on the horizon, and it has nothing to do with my gen, or those before.  Just common sense intersecting with reality.  I think the new series is diary of a vampire, and I expect it will be just as pussified with multiculti too.  I've only bought some of it.  If it's too much I will dump it.  I have X-Files, complete minus the new mini-series or movie or whatever most recently came out.  Pretty lefty, too.  But in the mostly white-ethno way.  Bleh.

Later.  Or good night.

Better, a bit.

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I did make it to the post office.  Packages, mail, just to get out.

Which meant a shower, dressing, and all.  It's been a long time.  I did get the trash out for Monday, so brought the bin back while at it.

I'd love to do more.  Not sure that will happen.  I did check blood sugar, it was 245.  But that is without fasting and without insulin.  Then again, on insulin, it was going up and beyond ~650-700... beyond my device's ability to measure.  So, if it's a choice between 245 w/o medicine, and that on medicine, I'll go without.  Still, fasting, when I can get back to it, should solve this.  Time... *tick-tock*

I have been doing bits and pieces in the kitchen.  First I hit the parts that were malodorous.  Dishes, pots, and such with experiments going on... the cat litter boxes, and trash.  I got most of it in one fell swoop, yet there is always more.  I got it from worst to tolerable though, and have been doing bits more as I can.  Life, even if you keep things clean, is a dirty project.  No matter how well you keep things clean... it smells.  I guess that is why women use so much perfumed products, from actual to deodorizers.  Then again, scent is more their area than ours, on top of it.

More and more to do.  I never get caught up.  I realize I never can get caught up.  To even get close, it takes someone who believes, and is willing to bet on it.  This is not our area.  Even with women, it's only some of them who have any interest in doing that.  I have some business to do.  After which, though, I may consider looking into cleaning services.  I honestly don't think I can afford them.  And I'm not sure I can trust them.  Still...  I figure, if I could get some of it, I could do some of it.  The incentive to do more, and the price of doing less, would be coin... if I can negotiate a reasonable situation.  Yeah.  Of course, there are some other things I really need done, so I have to be cautious about things.  Plumbing problems, a new floor in the kitchen, and maybe help or simply having someone in to redo the bathroom.  Bleh.

On to the day.  At least I am up and moving, mostly.  Good day.

Good good.

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Even if it is dark, I am waking early.  My clocks are still off.  It looks like I was up at about 5:30.  It's the perfect time to have a full day and make it through the day... if I can.

Yesterday I finally cooked again, after a rather long time out.  Food just wasn't tasting good, which didn't help.  Ham and beans, a rather large amount of it.  I'll tell you, that is some seriously good food.  And it gets everything working more quickly and easily.  It sure sounds busy out there, on the road.

I am hoping to get up, showered, and out, in time to hit the post office.  You would think, with this kind of a running start, that the goal could be guaranteed.  That's not how it works.  While I can and do get out of bed at some point in every single day, I don't always rise to even the level of function.  Getting out is one or two more stratas above that, even just to the post office.  It means showering, dressing, then going.  It isn't always just physical, it isn't just concentration, and even if those are both a check, there seems to be other sorts of problems.  A little help wouldn't be bad.  Having a woman around, or my mom when I lived with her, to a point, can help a lot.  Uhrm, if she wants to be helpful.  Though, to my great enticklement, even when a woman is being demotivational or attempting to hamper my will, that can help. *evil grins*  And is sexy.  Get it up!

Well, winter is coming.  I have the oil change and tire rotation completed.  I have a few more things I'd like to do.  Business and a bit of work.  I am doing bits more, but I am getting to things so slowly and weekly.  Ugh.  I'll keep at it.  Later.

Well, there is always that.

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I meant to make some changes on my blog.  I meant to get rid of the "writer", and just have the original operator.  Both are my identity.  I had simply thought having both my accounts have access would facilitate some things.  That didn't work out.  Anyway, when I disconnected an account, it was the wrong one.  Yeah.  On the good side, I didn't sever my connection.  I did have to figure out how to do some things a different way.  A way I don't like to do them, which was... why I was changing things.

It doesn't matter if you are tired or awake, doing good, or buys, or doing poorly... mistakes just happen.  Fine.  Now, to fix it won't be a great problem.  However, it will mean regaining access to an unused email address.  Of course, not only is it a weekend, it's a holiday weekend.  Yeah... Today, maybe?  Is it a four day?  I don't think so, but who knows.  I'll know shortly when I check to see if packages on the way have moved.

Oh, I did get the trash out, and do some work on some pots.  Ugh... I'm talking... science project level pots.  When you throw something out and you are pretty sure it's growling at you...  Yeah, well.  I really was down, and hard, for a bit.  I am hoping this is the week where I get back to things.

I think things are mellowing.

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Some of it was seasonal, some of it was medicine, some of it was politics.  Trying to figure out how to get away if she was elected, with what I feel I need... with the least loss.  Even now, figuring out how to get out, even if a bit more slowly, is... something of a trick.  Where to go, how to clear out, clean up, move out.  It's a lot to do.  And, of course, money.  I have to start living differently, right now.

I may not make it out.  It may not be possible.  Not where I wish to go.  Though, perhaps, somewhere.  Or not.  Still tending some thoughts.  It sort of depends, to, a bit, how Trump shapes up.  If he is just another typical Republican/Democrat wash, then... yeah.  He is merely stop-gap.  If he undoes Zero's darkcraft quickly, and begins swinging the bow around?

The wilds aren't all that comfortable.  They are dangerous.  Risks and other assessments must be made.  I would really like a visit to Alaska before making the move, but the time and money involved...  It's a heck of a thing just getting up there, with wheels, minus airplane.  I'm not even sure about getting through the Canadian border, or back through to the US, on the road.  Nasty in both directions, for different reasons, even if you have clean intentions.

Just... thinking.  Dreams, while I slept, reminded me of my intent.  Perhaps, even if it isn't my absolute desire, as with coming here, my dreams will push me.  Dreams?  Not just dreams.  It took, God I think, four or five years to shove me out here.  I don't think Alaska is a choice unless...  Not sure which is worse though, a wife or the wilderness... or if there is even a difference sometimes.  Different sides of the same thing, mother nature.