So difficult.

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A misplaced, or lost, wallet.  Driving at night, realizing age is catching up.  Becoming angry at another driver.  Passing him, and realizing... he is just older, alone, maybe driving in a strange place.  Life can get very difficult, very quickly.  Having some jerk, giving you razzes on top of it?

At least I hadn't honked, or done anything else but grumble.  I could see it in his face.  Lost.  Perhaps he is a local.  But, at night, driving by himself... there are times when even I feel... lost... here.  Or there.  Anywhere.  I can only imagine another decade or two.

I will pray just for him, tonight.  That his life, time here, and passing, will be peaceful.  From then on, I tried to be patient.  Even when it was the driver behind me who was impatient.  Odd how quickly the shoe can change feet.  Such a strange world.

Still pretty warm.  I have looked for my wallet in several other possible places.  I am trying to remember the last time I used it, definitely.  I didn't have it the last time I went out as a passenger.  The night before?  I... just don't know, not for sure.  Did I use it, here at the house, for something?  A call?  I don't think so.

I checked the pack I take with.  Upstairs.  The pants and shorts I have worn recently.  I checked a common drop-off place, and where I would typically go when calling.  I checked both vehicles.  Though I may check with a flashlight.  Perhaps it slid back under the seat... a seat.  The difficulty of not having one's wallet is profound.  Especially when the world is so difficult to navigate even with it.

Death, honestly, seems so much... easier.  Not suicide.  I shouldn't need suicide.  I shouldn't be alive.  Even missing medicines, through simple inability to take them at times, isn't enough to kill me.  It is a cruel world.  Though, too, suffering the humilities, barbs thrown or naturally falling, pains, and else... is a grace.  I know some don't see it as such.  I honestly do see it that way.

Not that I want heaps of these.  But, should they befall me... as they befall me... in even this current set of events... I simply have to accept what is given.  A cross?  Crosses?  My guess is, if you learn to bear a cross, another will be given.  Oh, no worry, we are no threat to Him.  If we learned to carry every cross possible, while walking a tightrope, we still wouldn't near parity.  We aren't able to carry that set.

So, I guess, load up.  Pray in thanks for the opportunity.  Take the punishments, barbs, and suffering due or not.  Be at peace with it.  And carry on.  Frustrating as it might be, it is what it is.  Oh... the medicine is in, at least a partial prescription.  Plus. I will not be taking the nightly extra pill I had thought I was supposed to be taking.  Between those two, I have several weeks supply.  One problem partly managed, for a while.

Good night.  Prayers your way, from a great sinner aiming at sainthood... be you enemy, friend, family, holy, or sinful.  Especially for those who are most of those, one way or the other.  Amen.

A final bit.

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Chores.  Rabbits, and more water for the ducks.  They still had food, so just a bit more water for them.  The rabbits were in pretty good shape.  A few nearly empty waterers, some food out or nearly.  The rabbits were resting.  I think yesterday was as harsh on them as it was on me.  Today is better, but a day of recovery.

The clouds seem to have mostly parted.  Perhaps there was a haze, as well.  It too, mostly, is gone.  It is warm out there, but not blazing.  The last time I checked, it was about 92.  At not even 16:30, it sure seems later.

Hmm, that seemed wrong.  A quick check and... it is 93 now, still, that was fine.  But there is a haze.  What had confused me is, looking at the sun, it seems to shine through.  But the peripheral light is lessened, a good deal.  It feels, by light, as if it was much later in the afternoon.  More like 18:00, almost nearing dusk.

Still a bit tired.  Yesterday was brutal, from start to finish, too hot almost everywhere.  I'm not doing all that well in any case.  If, at least, I was pleasantly comfortable within the excesses.  Only when I push far beyond my capacity to tolerate heat do I realize, even the comfort I have found in this heat is an illusion.  I am not comfortable, in the 70s and 80s.  I am simply able to... forget the misery.  While the cold doesn't, generally, make me miserable, it does slow me down.  I much prefer the cool.  The heat?  I merely survive, even just a few degrees over 70 is a terrible thing for me.

Anyway... good to have the critters fed and watered.  I can't do much more for them, today.  And they don't seem to need it.  Sleepy, in the midday heat.  But comfortable enough as well.  I may take a nap.  Hmm, actually, look for my wallet.  Not sure where it is.  Not much money in it, but that isn't the problem.  Look, then nap.  Later.

A long sleep.

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So very hot and tired.  Then I cooled well enough.  In doing so, I fell to weakness.  Sleep was the only choice.  Not really a choice, option.  More just... a requirement.  Just getting back up the steps was difficult.  So very tired in all the ways I could be.  Still, up I went, dressing more comfortably for sleep, then down.

Like falling into a well.  Almost, initially, a claustrophobic sort of sleep.  Surrounded by it, drowning in it.  This isn't my usual sleep time.  Nor do I usually sleep that deeply.  In time, it became more comfortable, if it remained deep.  Dark, but not cold, hard, or bitter.  A much needed sleep.

I dreamed of, what I presume, Inca civilization.  I had watched a video about them, before going to sleep.  A longer one.  It was more as if I was a spirit, and watched as they started out as a people, then expanded their empire, and finally began falling apart.

If what I saw in the video, and dreamed, were true, their last full true king never even saw those who brought the disease that struck him down.  He heard, rumors of a terrible new man.  Of illness spreading.  After him, civil war to finish what the diseases brought didn't kill.  Lost, in truth, without a shot.

It was a slave culture.  Human sacrifice was a large part of it.  The cultures worked based on simple violence.  As today, to a degree, if much more nakedly. and oil, gas, and other forces do much of the slave labor rather than men, mostly.  No matter how people would wish it, the South American cultures were... for lack of a better word... natively evil.  The great ones, certainly.  Tribal groups might have been fine, enough.  If small enough.  But the larger they grew, the more evil they became.

Though their near or literal contemporaries were similar.  From Rome to Egypt, and most other places, either kings, kings and bureaucrats, backed by slave armies, ruled over the workers.  Bureaucrats, today as then, seem always to become self-serving, indulgent, brutes who hate and lose fear of those they serve.

I do not regret their destruction.  Some of what happened in their destruction should be regretted.  Slavery, of some sorts, is worth than the modern economic forms.  Refusing, as some conquistadors did, bringing them into the church so as to keep them slaves.  I get why the then popes eventually required the allowance of baptism.

Though, as with all religions which seemingly allow adherents in, it isn't always as it seems.  Even if they don't consider them fully human, they would rather receive their taxes in the form of tithes, than to leave their whole bodes as slaves to the state and it's cronies.  Not all is based on faith, or truth, but... just another form of extractions.  I've seen forms of it in every religion I have examined.  The current pope claims to be one of them, in spite of being no less Roman than most other popes.  Magic dirt doesn't work in reverse any more than it does in the obverse.

I do wonder if they, the true of their nations, consider Romans, whites, and others, as poorly as they were considered... and often still are in secret... by those who brought them in?  Then again, this has been the truth since the first popes being of Jewish origins... or what passed for it at that time.

I am quite sure some of the initial leads had great difficulty letting non-Jews in.  Probably thinking quite less of them.  There were always problems allowing the next group in.  And, it exists to this day.  A beautiful struggle, mind you.  It means growth and changed, based on hope, faith, and charity.  Of course, I have my notions.  And, yet, I am no different from the next.  All must struggle with these things.  And so it is.

What a dream though.  To see, with my own eyes pretty much.  Smell-o-vision active.  To taste the foods.  To hear the languages, for there were many at their heights.  It wasn't as bad as it might seem.  Not modern, if many modern places aren't quite what you might presume, either.  The last time I was in France, prostitutes were cleaner, and better dressed, than most typical women.  Almost leading to a... mistake.  The world isn't as one might suspect, or have been lead to believe.

Anyway... so be it.  Up, around noon.  Then some looking around.  I best feed the girls again.  Then the rabbits.  Then?  I... don't know.  A bit of relaxation through the day, after cooking myself yesterday.  It is cooler in here, if not chill.  I am so pleased I was able to wake, open up, and get some cooling in here this morning.  It was hot before I started.

It is 92 out there, but there is a haze, maybe clouds, almost a higher level fog, keeping the sun a bit at bay.  Still hot, but without the blistering sun beating down.  Just... need to wake, before getting going again.  Later.

Finally cooled.

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Both the house and myself.  Ducks fed and watered.  Cats fed.  Rabbits checked, will be finished later.

Too cool?  Or... better.  I must go back on to bed.  Sleep.  I need to recover from the heat yesterday, and this morning down here.  The cooling this morning should help the house stay cooler through the day, if there are limits.  The coolest I saw it, this morning, was 53.  But I fear the heat of the day.

Later.

It's been a very long time...

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Since I have taken one of these.  The results?

The best match between the self assessment you provided and the profile of a fictional character as rated by other people who have taken this survey is the character Paul Atreides (Dune).

89% match

Your traits versus their traits are graphed below (click on points for labels).

How funny.  Anyway...  If you wish to take it?  Click here.

Way too hot.

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Yesterday was brutal.  In the house, out of it.  I was so heatsick by the time I returned, all I could do was to go upstairs and try to cool off.  Only one ac had been on, but the heat really did crank up.  It was up to 77 upstairs.  Even turning both ac's on didn't do much or quickly.  It was after midnight before it finally got to 74.

It has only gotten to 73.  Hot.  I will, for now, keep both ac's on.  If yesterday is the new norm, it will probably only even get to 75 with both on.  I had hoped to be awake a little earlier, to open up... hoping it was cool enough to bother that is.  At nearly 05:00, when waking, it was cool enough so I have opened up, and turned on a few fans.

When I first came down, it was 80 in the front room, and 77 in the main.  Hot.  Being 55 outside, it is cooling some.  Still sick from the heat though.  So, right up front, the heat down here isn't good.  I am hoping it cools quickly.  I won't be doing much work today, as had been hoped.

The girls have been fed.  I will get their litter tended after it cools in here.  I have been taking care of that, so it won't be a mess.  Chores when things cools a bit more.  As is, I am frying just sitting here.  I would like to get feed today, not sure I can.

On to waking and cooling.  I hope.  Later.

Way too hot.

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I did get out.  A promise kept.  But no grain.  I couldn't keep up.  Visited another, out in the heat, and was in minor trouble.  I cannot do this heat, out there.  Like a gerbil or hamster, the heat was really getting to me.  I drove home, but just.

I spoke with my doctor.  It seems he hadn't doubled my medicine.  Further, that medicine is only allowed to be used at half the level I was at.  So... he's cutting that and trying another medicine.  I think I have tried the other medicine, and wasn't able to handle it.  Actually, I have tried many medications and not been able to tolerate most of them well.  We'll see.

I think it is time to go upstairs, cool off, and try to sleep.  I am absolutely crashing.  Life could be at risk if I stay even in the heat happening down here, after today.  If I had the energy, setting up the evap cooler, and getting it going, might work.  But, truth is, I have no energy to do that.

So, on to bed.  I can hope to get grain tomorrow, or some time later next week.

Good day, and probably good night. 

Medicine and else.

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Three more things coming together, more possibly after.  Crazy and yet wonderful.  I never know how things will work out.  Today, things are being crushed, done, handled, managed, fixed, filled, set up, and organized quickly, efficiently, and easily.  Life is good when it all works.

A bit sleepy.  It is getting hot out there.  It was nearing 90 at 10:00 or 11:00?  Yeah, crazy warm.  Given that those temps are often cool for this time of year, and are the hottest it has been in a while, I honestly can't complain.  I may, yet, get the opportunity to try the evaporative cooler.  Maybe yet today.

Oh, and, actually, if I help someone do a bit of work outdoors, I may take this with.  It is said to cool an area.  Often is used for the out of doors.  This might make the effort a bit more practical, or even possible, for me.  Plus, if it actually works?  Just being able to cool off the work zone would win some favor.

All good.  A very good day so far.  I'll have a bit of tea... wait... scratch that.  Something else is about to happen.  All good.  Later.

Ah-ha!

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It wasn't, completely, my bad on the medicine.  While I have been having difficulty staying on medicines, through the heat of the summer, so checking bp was delayed, that wasn't all of why I ran out.  I was still on the prescription for one a day, while taking two per day due to the doctor suggested but not prescribed dose.

So, when asking for a refill, through the automated system, it just wasn't working.  There were refills, but not until... the middle of September, I think.  I was baffled until asked if I was still on one a day.  Ah-ha.  Right.  Everything is a bit messy, but there are some things they can do, I can and did do, and my doctor can do.

Perhaps a partial dose, sent out next week.  And a message, from pharmacy.  Plus, I called central.  And have them sending a message too, in case one doesn't get through.  As well, I realized I may need to travel soon.  So medicine may have to be sent elsewhere... depending on when it can be sent.  Ugh.

However, the process was quite good.  Pleasant folk to speak with.  All interested and seeming able to get the process started and moving.  And doing their best to target and shift.  Rules are fine, but sometimes they really don't work.  Or, there might be acceptable exceptions.  Well played, I hope.

I have a week, two?  I can't remember if I was able to fill to the end of the month in this mediset, but none of the other medicine sets were able to be filled.  And, if all fails, I will survive a week or three without them.  As well, I have been able to add them to my routine with absolutely no pain or downtime.  So all of that means good things.

There were some strange... effects.  I probably wouldn't restart at full dose, immediately, especially after an extended stoppage.  But I would be willing to expedite dosing, from one the first week, up to two in the second week.  Especially with the bp I am seeing.  Yes, it... it worth it.

Now, perhaps to pick up some grain.  It's a short run, but a heavy haul.  Perhaps just get them in the Xterra, and leave that there, in the garage, for now.  Bleh.  Later.

Chores, cats, calls.

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One plan has been sidelined.  Which... is fine.  The other projects have been completed.  But they did wear me out.  It doesn't make sense.  Still, litter and cat food, ducks and rabbits fed and watered, and attempts to call the VA.  Not successfully, so far.  I guess my doctor's staff don't take calls anymore.  I have to go through central, which is rather hit and miss.  Sometimes messages are sent, sometimes not.  I will call pharmacy, see if they can/will send medicine.  Usually, if there is a complication, pharmacy will get messages through much more securely.

Dressed, finally.  I wear less when waking.  Cooler, and less is good, at least solo or with just a woman type around... up to a point.  They can get so fresh if they see a bit too much skin!  I have to dress to get out to chores though, so...  Meh.  Ducks definitely bring to mind the idea of dinosaurs, certain types, if they put the bones together even at 70% to correct.  Difficult to know.  Not sure they even really try, definitely not sure they have the skills, knowledge, or capacity to gain knowledge.  I am beginning to believe crt has been in play a LOT longer than suspected.  Probably including some other such "theories".

This, that, and the other thing.  Though, I think I have bills covered, and I am not completely broke, this month.  I won't hold my breath though.  I'm not sure if utility check was cashed.  Difficult to know, for certain.  It's not a huge check, but it isn't all that small, either.

Grains, perhaps later.  And, maybe, more middling sized waterers.  I bought a bunch of smaller ones, but they really aren't very good.  They last from a day, sometimes nearly two.  The ones one size up last nearly two to three days, depending on temps.  The very large ones last three to five days.  Each has it's pluses and minuses.  I'd like a dozen more middling sized and perhaps half to equal amount larger ones.  Then I will be set for all seasons.  The smaller ones are easier, as they can be refreshed more often, and thaw more quickly.  As well, in high summer, as they don't go stagnant, and provide fresher, cooler, water more frequently.  The bigger ones are perfect more for spring and fall, as the temperatures don't get so high or low as to freeze or cause distaste in the water?  I suspect.

The birds are eating a lot more.  And, when I begin breeding rabbits, they, too, will begin going through food like locusts.  Not much choice in feed, either.  Still, it isn't terribly expensive.  To be honest, their feed is less than cat feed, for two... betwixt dry, canned, and treats.  Toss in litter, and the cats are more expensive than all the animals, probably even when all are at feeding stages.  Yea.  It's mostly the time, chores twice a day, at between an half hour and hour?  No, it's a mix.  Still, honestly, since I have little else I even can do?  It's not a major problem.  Probably healthy for me, requiring me to go out in the cold, and heat, and do a little bit.  As mentioned, that is part of why I have them.  I may, eventually, obtain goats.  A pair of ladies, meat and milk type.  Maybe.

Well... on to waking up.  I had thought to be out doing something else, but that didn't work out.  Something else, else, in a bit?  Maybe.  Until then, I only have to sort out the world and... yea.  Later.

Very good.

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I had feared my bill would be really high.  As it turns out, it was a bit higher than normal, as some remained from the overdue portion.  But, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had worried it would be.  Paid, and set up to autopay.  I had thought it WAS on autopay, so I will be checking.  Thankfully I caught it before it went too far, again.  Ugh.

As well, I paid mortgage.  That wasn't painful.  It has been lowered, so is easier.  Still, a hefty bit of coin.  No problems, as that was planned.  All good.  Was there anything else?  I... don't think so.  Oh, but I will call my the office of my doctor.  I am running out of the new medicine.  It is working, well, mostly, though.  So getting that on full rotation, and obtaining a full supply, would be good.  I have about two weeks left of it.  Bleh.  BP was 114/82, with a pulse of 83 this morning.  That's... almost human.

Then, to get dressed and get going.  A few things yet to do today.  Later.

Exactly 00:01.

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When I went to sleep.  I woke a bit after seven, if it was more like 07:30 when I crawled out.  Wasn't sure I was ready.  Couldn't quite go back to sleep.  The first alarm was set at 08:00, the next at 10:00, in case I overslept.  Things to do this morning?  Yea.

I checked my finances yesterday.  All looks good.  A bill is overdue, I will call about that.  Mortgage needs paid.  I'll pay that as well.  Money, money, money, but that is is how it works.  Always something, but this time I should be okay.  I need to pick up more grain, as well, for the birds.  This time I will add pellets.  They actually do like those, and with three feed types, mixed, it lasts a lot longer somehow.  The pellets are more filling, I think.

I'm not sure, but I don't think it got all that cool out last night.  It was still in the mid or upper 70s when I got home.  The house is very warm.  I didn't open it up, though, either.  I have a few things open, as it is a bit cooler outside than in, but not by all that much, I don't believe.

I best feed the girls, do chores, and make some calls, before doing a bit more in a bit.  All good, I hope.  Good day.

A very good sleep, again.

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So strange.  While I seem to be having trouble doing much, sleep is very good and relatively short.  I am sleeping about eight hours a night.  And very good sleep.  Which is allowing me to be awake during the day.  As to energy?  I don't quite understand why that is so lacking.

I am eating well, if not exactly the best possible food.  I am managing as well as is possible.  Showering every few days, doing chores, this, that, and the other things.  Not able to do almost anything else, for whatever reason.  As well, no pain?  I really don't get that.

I haven't hurt terribly for... months?  Small aches... kidneys, liver, back, but usually when it makes some sense why, or at least mildly.  I can't really make sense of it.  I am not eating as correctly as I had been.  But I am eating less, a lot less.  Not losing an ounce, but definitely eating less.  Energy, to a degree, might be tied to fewer calories... less food, less productivity?  Though there is a limit, due to health.  If I ate enough to be fully productive, I would just gain weight.  I can't be fully productive.  There is a limit to my output that is below my seeming optimal caloric intake.  The problem with regulating that is that it varies.  As my health improves or declines, so too my capacity at output.

Ugh.  Still, I try.  Chores yet to do.  A shower.  A few calls.  Medicine has been taken.  Blood sugar was higher this morning, so will be tended quickly.  Will see how things go.  Would like to get to some cleaning, and business, today.  Oh, and the girls.  I'll get their food and litter first thing.  I've been keeping up on their litter, but their food has been lacking a bit.  Well, two instead of three cans of food, if treats added in recently more often.  So... not too terribly bad.

Later.

Feeling odd.

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Fairly normal, given the temps.  I should have gone upstairs.  Just wasn't feeling like it.  I have eaten several times.  Dosing every other or third meal/snack.  Nothing heavy was eaten, though food was consumed more frequently.  More like four or five, maybe six, snacks... if you count coffee though not counting tea or water as I used nothing in/with those.

Yes, feeling off.  So, blood sugar was taken.  At 62 I understand why I was feeling off.  I have been dosing, but rarely and light doses.  And, while just snacking, some of what I ate was sort of heavy.  Peanut butter, carrots, and celery sticks often tick my blood sugar up a goodly bit.

So?  So, something more.  A milked coffee, with artificial sweeteners... a mix of both liquid sweeteners, as that usually is more tolerable than either alone for some reason.  And, perhaps, a few pieces of raw broccoli and cauliflower fleurets.  No more peanut butter.  That... has... a strange effect I don't prefer.  I thought about dressing.  But that all has probably been in the fridge for... years?  Even chilled, I just don't trust it.  Those and a bottle of water.  I am dehydrating a bit, too.

Someone has been visiting.  Looking far back, and at oddities.  I don't know that I still have friends.  A devil, they think, perhaps.  And, not... completely... off track.  Even, perhaps, if they know I have changed course, being a devil, even if as a servant of the Lord, God, the Holy Ghost... still a... difficult being.  Oh, I... know.  I have lamented this nature.  A devil's advocate, even if come to the right ways, is still a devil.  It's... in the details.  Barbed from head to tail, innit.  A rose of fire.  *wink*  So be it.  I... understand.

Anyway... on to a bite.  But I do notice.  I feel bad, that some may no longer comment here.  For... many reasons.  But I do notice that they do visit.  With great care, quietly, with doubt and trepidation.  I as much feel your presence as notice your footprints, man, woman, even... child.  And, I pray that you are not hurt here.  But I can't... help that, not fully.  So, I pray that if hurt, your wounds heal well.  It is as much as I can do.  Amen.

Have a great day.  I will attempt to... get my life together.  So tired, too hot, but things yet to do.  It is okay.  Later. 

Such a strange day.

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It is above 90.  An hour or two ago it pushed up to 92, I think, 93 maybe?  At that point, unless rain clouds, and probably rain too, happen, it will continue to heat until, usually, nearing sunset.  Sometimes cool air will arrive, and begin the process a little more quickly, earlier in the afternoon.  But that is a rare treat.

The front room has gotten to 79, but that is with the computer, router, and a little lamp going.  A lamp might not be preferred, by some.  But with the curtains opened, the heat is even greater.  So, a lamp works best.  I can turn it off, when not typing.  It is cooler and more convenient, so it remains in use.

Tea, cheese and cold cut sandwiches, vegetables and peanut butter.  Nothing fancy, but it works.  I do enjoy the little meals, especially in the summer.  Tea or coffee, if warmth is needed.  Still, a bit tired from the cool, chased by the heat.  An odd mix.  It is high summer.  It could be far worse.  Last year we almost didn't have a summer.  Even this year, it was cut short, and has been hampered, if some of it has been had.

Blood sugar is staying in check, 115 last time I checked.  I'll check in two or three hours, just... to check, I guess.

I see at least one hurricane about to hit Florida?  Perhaps others in the other ocean.  Though if those build to anything, or approach north America, all speculation.  I could see them failing to gain any strength, perhaps devolving.  And, going south wouldn't be a surprise.  Humidity is down to 30%.  And, yet, I... don't think the season is over.  Just stalled.  Will have to see if Fred, my grandfather's name by the way, will pay a visit.  We got along famously.  I miss the old coot, even if he did cheat at cards.  Mom says by accident of site, I suggest a bit of both, or more.  But I don't mind.  I'd happily lose a hand to him, to have a few moments to say hello.

Well... back on to... trying to wake, and push through.  Good afternoon, day, or whatever else might be appropriate to your time and place.  Praying for you, Vox.  Though I think you will manage this.  One can hope.  No matter, you know the score.  As do I.  I have no worries, no matter.  They can't beat the truth.

Pretty cool for being warm?

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Last I checked, outdoors, it was up to 74.  While that seems warm, it really isn't.  Here, near the computer, I cooled it off to 71 or 72.  After that became too chill, I turned off the fan, closed the door, back when it was still in the 60s outside.  It has warmed to 73, but, as mentioned, that is cool.  Almost cold.  Very strange.

Not fasting, but blood sugar, when tested, was 82 this morning.  Something and insulin was had first.  Since I have had coffee, to warm.  I will have tea shortly.  Odd that I feel cold at this temperature.  Outdoors feels warm.  But indoors it is cool to chilly, even cold at times.

August 11th?  The weather is not normal.  The sun is still high enough in the sky to warm the place.  But the world, literally the ground, has been cooled off enough to make it more like fall, late fall.  An odd mix of summer and fall is happening.  It still can get to the high 80s, into the 90s, even to the 100s, and yet get to the 40s and 50s at night.  Who knows, we might be getting a very early frost.  Be watching for it.  Might be able to save crops, if it's a rare thing, and short lived.  Might not, if it hits hard, fast, unexpected, or lasts.

The sun is sleeping.  Man has almost nothing to do with it.  Your politicians are squandering resources buying power they won't be able to keep.  If man has anything to do with this, it is his hubris and the price of it.  His rent seeking, power madness, and the cost of good men becoming weak and handing power to the fools who wish it.  Neither gold, glory, safety, or power will be had by them, only death, and to those who allow it, choose it, worse those who are good and know better, but acquiesce.  No matter their reason.  

If for fear, fear is all they will know.  If for gold, then poverty will be theirs.  If to get along so to go along, only strife will they know.  It isn't my wish, or a curse, merely the understanding of how God does things.  If you know better, and have the power, then you must resist or become worse than evil.  Better to pluck an eye, than to burn with it in hell should it guide you astray.  So much more these other things.  I will pray for you.  And suffer with you.  I will not go to hell with you, if that is your path.  Amen.

Anyway... tea...  Yes, I need something warm.  I may add longjohns, and a long sleeve shirt.  So odd to be so cool so deeply in high summer.  Winter won't necessarily be cooler though.  Who knows, it may be warmer.  All I know, about actual global cooling, is to expect unseasonable weather and more extreme weather.  When it is cold, it may well be much colder.  But it may well turn warm, having a false or early spring, only to have spring me an early blazing summer or continuation... even deepening... of winter.  This is how you will know we are in global cooling.  Just, drop the anthropomorphic and we can talk.  It really feels, right down to the bones, wrong.  It isn't wrong, natural... just not... familiar.

Tea for certain.  Vox still isn't back online.  If they are taking him down, or keep him off, then none are safe.  It's politics.  Has nothing to do with law.  Understand that.  If they go after him, and succeed, none are safe.  Then again, after Trump, that was already known.  I'm not positive what it was, exactly, he has done.  Pretty much just being, generally, anti-group think.  But there might be specific suggestions, and the amount of viewers.  No matter.  As mentioned, I am surprised this site still is open (to my knowledge).  I am surprised most of the blogs I visit are still operational, if I think some are compromised one way or another.

Later.

A good sleep.

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Down right after midnight, ten and change after... maybe a bit less.  Memory became a haze.  While I don't remember exactly, I know it was about there.  Crawled in and slept like a baby.  A few dreams, odd ones.  But... dreaming, what else needs said.  One erotic.  More a confused memory, a woman I wanted combined with the memory of one I had, the best of both worlds combined.  Yea.

When I woke, I couldn't tell the time.  Or keep it in short term memory.  I kept looking at it, on the alarm clock.  I would sort out the time, clarify, and three seconds later I still wouldn't know the time.  My mind kept thinking it was around 10:00~10:30, plus or minus an hour?  I just could not get it to stick.  I looked at it multiple times.  It just didn't matter, it would not stick.

Dressed and downstairs.  I gave up on knowing the time.  To the bathroom, then to feed and water the ducks.  The rabbits will have to wait.  I'm not awake, aware, or energized enough to do both sets of chores right off.  I'll get to the rabbits in an hour or two.  Still watering them, though about to go turn that off.  They were quite happy to see me today.  I'm always glad to see them.

It is cool out, 53 even after the sun has been up for a few hours.  It was cool in all but the front room, so I opened the front door and turned on a fan.  Just until it cools a bit.  The rest of the house was probably in the low 70s, high 60s, but this front room was in the mid to high 70s still.  Upstairs was 73, with one ac going.  I forgot the fan, near me, on low.  So near me it was 74.  Almost too warm, really.  One ac running, again, last night.

A wonderful sleep, if a very odd one.  I haven't, even yet, quite escaped it's grasp.  It must be the continuation of the cooling.  Though, if it gets warm to hot again, I'll... lose it just as badly.  Maybe worse.  I am very weather dependent.  Too hot, too cold, to variable, and I can be crippled by it.  It is quite frustrating.  Weather, health at any given time, and lack of being fit.

Though, I have to admit, even when I got to swimming a mile three times a week?  I was no fitter than I seem to be now.  While I am slowly losing strength over time, what of it I have, that is more of an aging thing.  That, probably, can't be maintained.  Even 'roids won't do that, comparing apples to apples.  And the costs would be severe.

Today?  I don't know.  If I can wake?  Stuff.  I don't know.  Later.

Oh, it looks like they have taken Vox down.  Permanent?  I guess I will find out, soon enough.  I'm not sure what his "crimes" are, but I would say he is less "thought criminal" than I am.  Though he does have, in theory, many more visitors.  I am being tracked by those who punish "thought criminals", and I get hits from time to time, on this or that.  Perhaps they think they have the power to purge, or are desperate?  Time will tell.

So tired.

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It doesn't make sense?  Hmm... then again, I have been awake since 09:30, or so.  It is nearly 23:30.  So... okay.

I haven't done much.  I won't do chores tonight.  I did them around noon, I believe.  I will do them in the morning.  Cooler, outside.  It was warm in here.  I forgot the computer and router on.  Well, didn't forget.  Didn't want to fuss with it, actually, as I think back.

The cool is helping me sleep.  I think tending blood sugar and bp/heart is helping.  But it's not that I didn't want to, didn't make the attempt.  It's that either I was unable to do it, or what I was doing didn't work.  I must be honest, I think, once bp is in better trim, blood sugar is easier to handle.  If either of them is out, the other becomes chaotic.

The trip was quicker tonight.  Depending on which way the wind is blowing, literally, some areas are no use to be hit.  The wind will just blow it off the property, into a field or back to the road.  There are limits to what can be, and should be, done.  They do their best.

Yeah.  I will just settle down.  I got my meds, the last of them, just now.  And I took my slow acting insulin.  I have done what is doable.  Now I just need to settle in so that sleep is possible.  I should sleep quite well.  It is staying cool until around noon.

Because of that, I would love to begin doing more digging.  But I am so very tired.  Not sleepy, not exhausted... as in burned out.  More just that I have no energy to use.  And when I do use energy, I then exhaust very quickly... like living on the edge of a dime.  Too thin.

Life is good, generally.  I haven't hurt in... a while!  Well, that isn't true.  A few times a week my kidneys feel off, bad, they hurt.  And, once in a while, my heart feels a weighty tiredness.  As well, when I exhaust myself, then try to keep pushing, my lungs burn and it can cause my heart to feel exhausted.  But, little things.  I can't seem to push too far beyond, so I can't even hurt myself.  Bleh.  Oh, I try.  End up napping, or just sitting... losing time like dumping wind from a sail.  Still, not... bad.  Very strange.

Good evening, night, and morning if it's the flip where you catch this.

Mocking Achilles.

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Fair enough.  Especially if you simply go by the story.  A story, written by a king's man, who had to fear that king or his contemporary kin or replacement.  Based, as well, on divine interventions according to said writers, from men who currently hold no such truck with said interventions.

As well, declining to acknowledge Achilles, while supporting Hector?  The one who lost?  I am thinking, that is less than beta.

As to the men, their morals, their capacities, and truths regarding them?  In a time before Christ?  Men were fallen.  And, either you accepted their heroes, as they were, or you defeated them, that was the way it was.  To judge them by the standards of Catholicism or even weakened Christian churchianity... be nice-ism, is a fail.

Was Achilles, or even Hector, a great man?  No, not really.  They were the elite of their day.  Pick a general today, examine him.  The one who wants critical race theory in the military?  The ones who want more women in the service, and in combat roles?  Post Christian, at the least, certainly not militarily sound, not even sane.  If I had to choose, moderns would lose.

Rather cool.

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To bed, and sleep pretty much immediately, at around 02:00 last night.  After the trip, chores and medicine plus an half hour to hour to relax enough to sleep.  Even very tired, I had to come down.  So it was.  I really didn't want to do chores, but felt compelled.  I had been weak on those that day.  Knew it was needed.  Mostly for the rabbits, but like to tend the ducks twice a day as well no matter.

Sleep was wonderful.  No dreams, to my recall, last night.  I forgot to turn on the other ac.  Usually, at night, I turn on both ac's.  I have been thinking about only going with one, since it has been cooler lately.  Leaving one on in the day, changing to the other at night.  But, last night, while I did go with one, it was more that I forgot to turn the other on.  So very tired.

It was 69 last night, when I went to bed.  I thought, as I was checking the alarm clock time, date, and temp, that maybe only one ac was on.  I... just couldn't remember, for certain.  Nor, had I been certain, could I have done much about it.  I just wondered how warm it would get, as such, if so.  Checking this morning, it was still 69 up there.  Very strange.

Down by 09:30, I checked the temperature outside.  It was still only 62?  Humidity is at 32%, downstairs here.  And, in the house, it was in the low 70s.  The windows had not been opened.  I feared a warmed day, and sleeping in, as tired as I was.  Better to have it a bit warm, than blazing through negligence in shutting windows in a timely fashion.  As is, it is chill in the house.

I did open the front door a crack, first thing, and ran the fan for a short bit... to clear out air, and bring in just a big of morning cool.  It quickly became too cool.  And, yet, it was refreshing.  Now I sit, preparing to look around, before doing chores.  Then a shower.  And possibly, after, some business.  Such is life.

On to my day.  Oh... blood sugar was... very good this morning.  It is 119 fasting.  Not the 96 of a few days ago, but... not bad.  It sure beats 177, 188, 225, 350, or higher yet.  I'm not... exactly sure why this is working.  This time.  I quite assure you, I am doing very little differently.  It does seem to be working though.  Oh, and bp is 154/92, with a pulse of 68.  I don't think I will drink tea before testing, from now on.  Not sure that is the problem, but...  As well, I won't take it until an hour or so after medicine has had a chance to work.  Just... thoughts.

Good morning and day.