Absolutely bushed.

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No idea why.  I slept well, long enough... seven hours.  Usually six to eight hours is enough.  Save... when it isn't, then I have no choice but to sleep longer.

I wondered if blood sugar had spided, for no good reason.  Nope, it's 88?  Crazy low number.  And that is with some of my food.  Well, that was eaten several hours before the 99 reading.  Just water since.  But that doesn't alwasy mean much.  But... it does this time.

With people not adding sugar, and else, to my food, I am doing fine.  Why do I say that?  Because, I'm not doing anything different from when it was staying higher.  My body wouldn't, one day, react well with my foods, and on another react poorly.  That's just not how it works.  I honestly wonder if the VA just sends sugar pills, literally, half the time.  Shave those costs, you know.

With blood sugar being this low, I would think I would begin losing weight again.  Though... as mentioned, I best stop eating the pickled meats.  I think, somehow, that is causing water retention.  I'm not sure how much salt they use, or if they, officially, list that.  Either way, I need to cut that down to two to three times a week.  And smaller portions.  I have cut portions, but will cut them more.

I'll feed Sassy one last time, then go on to bed.  Her water is fresh, her litter boxes are cleared, or were this morning, yesterday morning, and for a week or two back?  Might have missed one day.  But... doing better lately.

Sleep should help with the aches and pains, in my body.  I'll keep the alarms set for four and six, but hope to be up around midnight to two.  One can hope.  Good day and goodnight.

Dairy arrived.

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Usually not this much, but a tub of sour cream, and I am trying their sweet butter.  Plus my usual of sweet raw whole whipping cream.  I noticed the internet is lying about cream, now.  Saying it has twice as many carbs as it should.  And, finding the real data, as I used to be able to do, is no longer possible.

In one sense, that's a good thing.  It means people are turning their back on big ag, and it's hurting so much they are censoring real information, putting in false, and hopefully going bankrupt doing it.  They are trying to suggest, too, that a tablespoon of the stuff is 80 calories, not the 55 it really is.

Good, but...

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Down at 20:30?  Or so.  Always some give or take.  When stretching my day, the end of the day becomes fuzzy, as to memory.  But about then.  Awake at two thirty, if I didn't crawl out until three.  Just a slower start.  Which... was okay.  I had, this time, set the alarms for four and six.  The goal, as always, is to be up before those go off.  I... hate alarm clocks.  The sound, the sensation of being pulled from sleep mechanically, everything about them.  I... like what they offer.  Or the dream of what they can offer?  If they worked, regularly, for me, I'd have a regular day.  They are more a hope than a reality for me.  Part of why I hate them?  Angry at my fate.

Still, up.  Awake, this day.  No need to fuss or be sad, about life.  Not on this day.

Not bad.

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I crashed so fast and hard, I forgot to set the alarms.  Which... worked.  I had been planning to set them around four and six.  If the goal was to wake up before they went off.  Which... I did, if without setting them.  Awake at two.  I took my time getting out of bed.  A leisure no human can deny, unless they have to get going.  But, if allowed?  A slow, gentle, waking is... truly luxurious.  Doesn't matter what time.

Good sleep, which I mostly got.  A slow wake up period.  All good.  I prefer to pop out of bed, mostly because I often am still tired, and hate the process.  But if I slept well, and feel rested, then a slow waking period is nice.  I just haven't had good sleep for most of the last thirty seven... thirty eight... years.  So, ripping the bandaid off, and just popping up, when possible, is what I did.  Or... just kept sleeping after trying to escape slumber.

A bit of help.

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I had forgotten that help was arriving.  Thankfully, they texted to check.  I checked, if the time and date was correct, and that was today in the afternoon.  Affirmative.  So, I said yes, showered, got dressed appropriately, and was ready.  I had a few types of various knives and box openers.  Short work.  I forgot a few, but mostly got what was in this room, and other places, taken care of.

Rather than cinching a belt down, to look like... a bum?  I wore suspenders.  I bought a few new pair.  I'll wear these for good.  The old set, that is a bit stretched, bent a bit, and such?  I'll keep those for my cargo pj's.  Or other items, that are mostly just for around the house.

As the world turns.

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Do they still have daytime dramas?  I remember, when I was out sick, for a week.  Watched a few of them during the day.  I'm not sure if that was one of them.  All I know is it took a whole week to... get absolutely nowhere.  Something happened, or was about to happen, and they... just talked about it.  The whole week was about people finding out what happened, how it happened, and being told secrets or lies about what happened.  Well, and bring up stuff for three years before?

It was television hell, for me.  Fever, chills, sore throat, sniffles, a cough, body aches, and such.  School didn't want me.  Nothing else I could do.  Couldn't sleep all the time.  I realized, really, that is how women think, what they like, it's all about knowing every body else's business.  Or... those in their circles, and maybe one step, or two, out... in case something out there might become involved with their circles.

Improvements.

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I ended up awake all the way to 16:30?  Give or take a quarter.  I was so fried when I went to bed that the last numbers of the time are fogged out.  I, again, awoke at 20:00.  This time I did an assessment, to sort out why I was awake.  Cold.  I was cold.  Probably why I have been waking at that time lately.  It's when the world hereabouts shifts from spring like days to winter night temps.  And... I feel it.

So, I checked the blankets.  They were well placed.  So, I turned the electric blanket on, then tried to get back to sleep.  Check.  Not a lot more, but I did sleep to midnight.  Good enough.

14:30

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Awake.  Calls?  Lost my voice around noon.  Realized it was after I had planned to call, so thought about calling after lunch, say 13:30?  Couldn't talk by then.  I am too tired to speak.  And what comes out sounds like gravel, spoken by... a slow individual.  Can still type at speed.  Just... can't talk.

Just... continued to game.  Nothing fancy, just tinkering.  Trying to find a dungeon, in a zone, in a particular region.  Hmm, my blind shots aren't working.  I may need to see... where connecting regions are, for what I am seeking.  So that I have a better idea of where to go, or to know when I find it.  Or... maybe.  Just because connection zones are there, it doesn't mean what they often lead to is there as well.  Frustrating.

Still awake.

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Trying to stay awake for... a while longer.  Would like to check on a few appointments, and... see how the making of some others is coming along.  I... fell behind on those.  But there were so many.  I did get some of them going, but... just too much.  I overload quickly, easily, when they try to put too much on me.  Though... I think I'll skip the cardiologist.  All he can do is watch me die.  He can't fix anything.  And all of his remedies are things I wouldn't accept.  Heart transplant?  That would guarantee my death within four to six years, assuming the "medicine" I would be required to start didn't get me first, and assuming they didn't just off me right their on the table.  They have been trying for ages.

I will let them check the kidneys.  But, as mentioned, those are improving.  A lot.  Just... to... take a look.  Again, I won't allow them to put me on medication, or do procedures.  They have greens fees and club dues, but not on my health.  Just... a check see.  Maybe another in a year, or six months.  Then we are done.  I wouldn't mind getting optometry and the other one set up locally.  But, again, and with those?  One or two, then done.  Unless something changes.

Benefits of gaming?

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First?  If I am gaming, I am not sleeping.  Can't do much, physically.  But can do this.  There has to be a lot of feedback, input, and stimulus.  Or I just... won't stay awake.  Even reading will simply put me to sleep.  I have tried.  And, on my favorite topics, to learn things, and in fiction forms.  I... just can't read much, for long.  My mind just shuts off.  Same with watching shows, too.  Most of them are so... simple.  It's easy to see what is going to happen.  Dull.  And, it takes them a week to get to the simple point, which is usually wrong, anyway.

But this game?  Every single thing is a puzzle.  Some of them I can figure out, others I have to look up.  Some puzzle solutions are easy enough to implement.  Others have to applied over time, through actions.  It's... good for the brain.

An odd day.

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Down at about ten, up at twenty hundred, no choice, either way.  I fell so had to sleep, then woke, or my body did.  I wanted to sleep longer, no real good in trying.  I've learned that recently, again.  I've been... trying to taste from that soup for most of my adult life.  When it's bed time, that's it.  When my body wakes up, that too is it.

Blood sugar is... better.  It is 118 fasting?  Why?  I have no idea.  The only thing I have changed is having pickled meats, just a bit, per day.  But will be backing that off, to preserve those... make them last a few months.  The goal is to make a jug, last a month, or really, two of those gallon containers, one of each type, last two months.  So I can mix and match, don't get bored.

Bedtime.

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What time did I get up yesterday?  Well, awake at 14:00, out of bed at 15:00... or so I wrote.  It's just hitting eleven, and I am about to close up shop.  That was a very long day.  Trying... to get back to days.  Trying.  If I could sleep longer, perhaps.

Nothing much.  It's 36 and raining, or drizzling.  Sleep should be wonderful.  Sassy has been fed well.  Even so, I'm not letting her sleep upstairs.  She'll begin bugging me as soon as she gets just a touch of hunger, so in six hours.  No.

Gaming along.

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I attempted to do some business today.  The thing is, without my debit card... which should have arrived?  I can't pay, for example, my utility bill.  There are a few other pieces of business that must wait until that arrived.  I had hoped it would be in, when I went yesterday.

I did pull the barrels in.  And... it was recycling.  While driving through town, to pick up the package, I saw four other recycling bins out.  But I saw eight with only trash barrels out.  So... I wasn't sure.  But it was done.  And, it did work out.  I thought so, for some reason.  Which doesn't make it so, or not.

Better, but early?

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Such a... strange day.  Down around seven or eight?  If I remember right.  Up at 15:00?  Awake, really, more around 14:00, just... wanted to sleep more, so tried to force it.  No go with that.  I just... surrendered to the fact that I was awake just now.  Well, half an hour ago now.

It looks so wintery, in spite of the snow being off the ground, down here in the valley anyway.  But it was 52, when I checked.  Very... nice... very nice.  Almost tempted to open up, but I don't trust it.  It could go cold, hard cold, very fast, out there.  Something... about the cast and look of the day I just don't trust.  But... it was pleasant for just a bit.

Something feels awful.

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I did eat a bit, tonight.  Did a bit of work.  But am feeling really wrong.  Too full, somehow.  I didn't eat all that much, either.  And, food started tasting bad.  I just couldn't... like my favorite foods.

My ribs and back feel bad too.  Just... wrong.

Nothing fancy, but... a few things.

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It realized it was getting later.  I had to get trash out, plus recycling.  As well, I needed to pick a package up from the post.  I... got all trash and recycling out.  Cleaned out the fridge, first.  And cleaned the litter boxes, and took the duty bag to the trash as well.  Then I got to the post office and pulled the item.  It arrived Saturday?  Okay.  They had it in the largest box.  So I am sure they will be happy to see it empty come Monday.  That's probably in high demand.

I set up dishes, too.  Not a lot.  Just what had been in the works, and the glass pot.  I had beef soup in it, in the fridge.  It... was... definitely not edible.  It didn't smell terrible.  But I didn't want to touch it.  Sometimes luck is not with a guy.  I just washed really well.  But, thankfully, it really doesn't smell terrible.  Strange, but always happy for some small favors, fortuitous events, and such.

Gah!

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Sometimes, without wanting to, I sleep for sixteen hours.  Actually, I never want that.  Sometimes I simply have no choice.  I try to wake, but it doesn't work.  I do come to consciousness, but not strongly enough to get out of bed.  Just... to notice how long I have been asleep.  Sort of rare, but it happens when I push things.

Though, when I want to, try, to sleep extra long?  No dice.  Even a few more hours would have been good.  But my body was awake, and that was that.  There is no returning to sleep when that happens.  And, so it is, that I was awake around 21:30.

Noon ought nine?

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Not sure that is correct.  But I'm running with it.  Nine after, is the idea.  Not sure I labeled it correctly, but I... don't care.

I am going to try to stay up a bit longer.  To 13:30?  15:30?  Something.  We'll see.  But I am closing the door.  Sassy has been problematic lately.  Hmm... or maybe I'll go on to bed early.  To be up in time to get trash and recycling out.  I would like to do it now, but I can barely walk.  It's the end of the day, and really, the day ended, functionally, a few hours ago.  I'm just slogging through.  Just killing waking time, not... doing anything.

A lot of music.

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I... may do more, later.  It's been piling up.  And... I like the notion.  Her?  A her?  Maybe.  Some of my friends chuckle at my notions.  Others... suspect there might be something to them?  I don't know.  Don't care.  Just... the... songs fit... something.  So I began collecting them.  But so many.

Just three, this time.  From a while back.  I had collected these.  Then just never posted them.  but they keep cycling.  Which... is unusual.  I rarely see a song more than a few times a year, if it's an oldy... one I used to view a lot or a little.

19:30

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I actually stayed up until 13:30.  Not out of will, out of procrastination?  Just so weary that I couldn't get to bed, or do anything else, quickly?  Along those lines.  Just six hours down.  I'd rather still be asleep, out of will.  But my body woke, and took me with it.  It... has some things it wants to do.

Trash out.  Dishes set up.  Laundry reset, started, going.  Hoped projects, chores, duties, whatever.  And, maybe, some food.  I thawed steak and burger.  I had thawed burger, but that was... no longer any good.  Not a true waste, as I didn't eat anything in the interim.  So... in a way... it was in reserves.  Since I ate nothing else, in a way, it wasn't wasted.  Sometimes I just can't eat.