Hmm, troubles.

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We spoke about vaccines.  Mother ageed.  Then she changed her mind.  Took the flu shot.  Over my direct objections and her promises.  Held off on the pneumonia shot.  I told her, after, that if she gets that or any other shot, she will have to go back to the nursing home.  I take it that serious.

That poison affects everyone around.  If she wants it, she should be back in with those braindead enough to take the poison, and get back on covid shots too.  Absolutely no debate, here, on this matter.  If she chooses the shots, she has to go.  Period.

A deep, long, hard, sleep.

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Warm, too!  Not hot, too warm, either.  Just... not cold, frigid, for the first time in... weeks? months?  Or so.  Stress, from business deals, efforts, upcoming chores, too much on my mind.  Pushing, pulling, dying.  Not that I am out of the woods, only that I am nearing... completions, arramgements, a slowing of the seasons and a break from such heavy demands.

Oh, but sleep was fantastic.  Needed.  Especially to be warm in it.  If, to, I figured out why I am so sore.  The plywood under my mattress does help.  But, I have been rolling so much lately due to being too cold most nights, not getting enough rest or sleep for the last month(s), and wrestling with stress for months, all have caused me to constantly alligator roll.  And, on the more solid platform, this is what hurt, caused the pains.

Awake.

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Set up mom's coffee.  Sure I already did that.  She must have run the pot.  Maybe washing the machine, hit a button.  No worries, it happens.

Brought Jasmine in.  Late, but it works.  She truly hates her cage.  Mom must have found a piece of plywood for half the base.  And while that should make being in the cage more comfortable, she just doesn't like it.  Hey, fair enough.  I actually understand.

Laughing in leisure.

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Not a luxury, or a bitter thing.  Adding, subtracting, with calculus, physics, philosophy, and more thrown.

When I see about how milfs are angry, horny, and alone.  Even mids could sort that easily.  Not even I have truly run away from women.  I just turned my back on certain of them.  Behave, be humble, lose weight, shut up, and smile.  Like, basically, what men are required to do.

Up, just for that bit.

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Jasmine is out.  Happily.  We will get a bit of a platform for her, so the cage doesn't hurt her feet.  No food or water overnight.  They indicated she was potty trained.  If today is evidence, it seems so.  She went as soon as I got her out, then after I left her.  Mom is nosy.  ;p

I fed and watered her first thing.  She was so happy to be out.  She didn't bark, or whine while indoors.  She was a very good girl.  Sassy hissed and hissed and hissed, and wouldn't get out of the way, when bringing Jasmine in.  Ugh.  Oh well.  Eventually we will... see.  I don't want Jasmine penned all of the time.  We'll see.

Finally!

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One of the biggest jobs remaining, for me.  Putting Jasmine's kennel together.  I pushed for a longer, taller, wider, stronger one.  I will admit, I went excssively large.  However, there is some solid advantage to that.  Much better too large than too small, for certain.

It took two work sessions to get it finished, tonight.  I had been tightening all fasteners tightly, initially.  Had to loosen them all, to get final fitting corrected.  But it did work.

Rather rough.

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Sore.  Ribs, back, skeletal in those places, and generally.  Tired, bodily, pretty much everywhere.  Muscle weakness, easily wearied.  Sleepy as well.  A different form of exhaustion.  Fighting for more life, waking time.  Failing.

Did get banking business done, mail sent, and cardboard in for recycling.  Had hoped to help mom, after returning.  But that isn't possible.  She wasn't happy, but didn't say much.  Hoping to be up later this afternoon.  To clear a few heavy things, then set up the cage for Jasmine.

Now, sleep.  So cold.  So tired, exhausted, sleepy, and more.  Later... or much later.

Columbus Day?

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In one sense?  SUPER!  Glad to see it back, and honestly.  What wasn't pleasing?  Everything was closed, even my bank!  (While they still push woke in every ad, gah!)  The tire shop was open.  So I set up a schedule to get in and get them renewed.

Tomorrow, I guess.  Bank business, an amazon return, and boxes to recycling.  Still, I got things set up and ready to go.  So frustrating.  Still so tired.

I'll help mom out a bit.  Then go on to bed.

Tires have about doubled in price.  And I'm not even going as top tier.  They say 50k miles.  May find out.

So tired.  Later or good night.

Warm, finally!

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I love being warm, hot even.  Coffee, in the tumbler, really is helping.  Hot food... more shortly.  Gaming, strangely, helps.  Oh!?!  Tea, in the tumbler, when I go up there.  A hot sip, from time to time, through the night.  Yeash.

It being cold, and having heated the heart in beef broth, there was juice left over.  So I fed Jasmine a bit, with the remaining, warm juice and last of the meat.  Plus gave her some body massaging, to let her know she is loved, and to help warm her a bit extra.  Good girl!  Great gal.

A literal heart sandwich.

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Beef heart.  Not as strong as beef live?  Similar of flavor, just milder.  What it lacks in raw flavor, for good or ill depending on your tastes, it makes up for in texture.  It has a more solid bite to it.  You have to overcook liver to get almost any substantative texture.  It is filling.  Though so is liver, kidneys, and else.  Something about their natures?  Higher fat content?

A fatted coffee, several waters, and maybe something more, in a bit.  I'd really like more to eat, but that, so far, is as much as I can do.

Absolutely freezing!

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I just checked the temperature up here.  It reads 69.  Okay, not hot.  But in the hottest of summer, I generally keep it at, say 73 or so.  I run the ac 24/7 to do that.  My point is that the warmest it gets is only four degrees off.

Not using ac, haven't needed it for a month, or two now.  Not even a fan, though I may use a smaller one mother brought, but no longer needs... as soon as I can create a place, space, site, for it.  I do like fresh air, a fan helps.  The big ones are too cooling.

Tired beyond belief.

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We have been half running, as able, for a week and more really.  That with her just out of the hospital.  With us eating, mostly, poorly because of our various limits.  If we have, or I have, gotten back to (mostly) right eating.

I tried an apple, from a neighbor, today.  I was hoping home grown, fresh, it might be doable.  Nope.  One small apple took blood sugar from 113 fasting to 188.  Those, the apple sauce, and apple butter mother makes from the busshel or so will be for her.

Ever thought you might be near death?

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And really didn't mind the idea?  Too exhausted, pushing every limit... financial, social, physical, medical, and else.  No, I don't actively wish to die.  I simply wouldn't mind if today was my last day, hour, moment.  That isn't, however, how it works.

Although, being on point too pontently, for too long, as fragile as I am?  Yeah.  It could just happen.  My job is to tend my life, as any life.  As a duty, but even beyond, as a joy even in the suffering.  God did buy me the time to... accept the gift of life humbly, for as long as He wills it.  Even the pain, misery, and other negatives have become gifts of their own.

Much done.

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Both mom and myself were doing better.  Getting used to the cooler weather?  Resting up while trying to push through?  Health returning?  Eating a but better again?  Can't be sure.  Not certain it will last.  Got a lot done.

The grab bar in the shower was installed.  We sized it for her.  May add another inside the shower.  Her safety is very important, and that mostly being incumbent upon keeping her on here feet.  Also finally set up her knew end table, got it plugged in and in place.  Set up four magnetic strips in the kitchen, as a knife rack (or set of them).  Got Jasmine over for a bit of socializing and training, then took her for a short walk, near mom... who also got a walk in, just not trying to control Jasmine yet.

A bit done.

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Coffee going.  Food in the oven.  Trash and recycling to the bins, then the bins to the curb.  Gaming while food, coffee, water filtrstion, and the ice machine did there things.  I would have made mom her coffee, set it up anyway.  But she had already done that.

Later than I thought.  Not sure when I really started, though thought it was nearing and just after two?  Being just after five, I suppose that is to be expected.

My breath, air, was fine through the efforts.  But while sitting, gaming, coming down?  My breath seemed to escape me again.  That's actually spooky.  Oh well.  Good night.

Brutal exhaustion.

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The goal of helping mother with the salsa went terribly.  To be fair, two days ago, we ended up on the road, in shops, and else, from ten to seventeen thirty.  Me being exhausted at the start.  Then she wanted to try to work a half bushel of roma tomatoes.

I did what I could do.  Had to call it off.  Especially with her wanting that, this, else, and help on top of it.  Not a happy night.  As well, she has been pushing on this and that even through today.

I hit a point when I couldn't breath well.  Not quite to the point of going to the hospital, but to the point where standing, helping, became questionable.  She had awaken me too many times, I couldn't get back to sleep, or help her.  I had to make sure she understood that more pressure might see me to the hospital... so there would be no help.

I eventually got down, for a bit.  Resting mostly.  Sleeping a bit.  Now awake for a bit again.  I'm planning on getting coffee, perhaps heating leftover roast, drinking water, and taking night meds.  On the good side, bp was 118/68 or so, pulse around 76.  Not sure about blood sugar.  Bleh.  But that is an excellent bp and pulse.

I'll get trash out.  See if that gives rise to breathing issues.  Was it breathing, or simply my body being unable to use oxygen?  Was short of breath, to the point of seeing stars.  Not good.  Well, and feeling as if my body was nearly suffocating.  

Oh... a few vids.  One on essays, one on learning techniques, and one on... relaxing, just a bit.  Living, a bit more in the present.  And a final one on... me, I think.  Though, who ever knows?  Still haven't figured out how to embed vids, so it is what it is.

Anyway... on to food, domestics, and maybe some gaming before I attempt to sleep again.  Brutally tired, painfully exhausted, but I can't sleep.  I'll keep doing what I can, or must, or must not.  Later or good night.

Difficult week.

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I am having trouble.  Mother is having trouble.  Exhaustion weighs on both of us.  Mom keeps trying to push through.  I want to help, but have hit a wall of sorts, hit it hard.  Plus, I have so many things I need to do, new and old.  Keeping on top of just my stuff is terribly problematic.  Add in her wants and needs and life gets really rough quickly.

She has various therapists visiting.  As well as medical appointments.  Though, too, wants to work with Jasmine, has a couple half bushels of two types of tomatoes to make into salsa, and is trying to catch up on the house, and keep up.  However, also while very degraded from the hospitallizarion.

Up earlier.

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It has been some time since I woke before even say ten?  So tired.  Sore.  Other problems.  Including body cramps, usually legs, somtimes arms, ribs.  Yesterday night it was, strangely, just the left leg.  More, all of my normal methods failed.

Standing on it only made it worse.  Massaging it didn't help at all.  In desparation, I had to try something novel... laying back down, and completely telaxing the leg, bending it at the knee, tucking it into myself so as to have no muscles in contraction or extension.  It worked very well, oddly.  Took a very long time to figure out though.

Rough.

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I was supposed to be up to see mom Thursday.  Then Friday.  Tomorrow?  Things, exhaustion, an appointment today.

New windows.  Scheduled soon.  A final fitting before long.  Then, in eight weeks, installation.  Most of the downstairs windows to be replaced.  Save the new one recently installed.  Part payment, mostly financed.  The windows really needed replaced.

Up late.

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Up all day as well.  Not doing much.  Just to be awake a whole day is something I haven't been able to do for months.  The last few days have been better that way.  In spite of temps, in the house, being down in the high sixties to low seventies.

Feeding the girls.  Giving them more attention.  Not a lot, but it is something.  With mother planned to be returning Monday, I need to do some cleaning and straightening.  It isn't too bad.  But... there are things to do.

On to bed.  Good night.