Heavy sleeping.

.

.

Mother, even now, is just almost on the fringe of understanding.  I can't fully explain because not even I fully understand.  Can't sleep much, but need to rest when not able to sleep.  Hours, days, at a time.

I told her how cold I was.  Then I touched her shoulder.  She  has touched warmer corpses.  No, it doesn't make sense.  Not always cold, but sometimes cold beyond anything that should make sense.

Pushing too hard.

.

.

I tried to help, but every time I turned around she added things to MY list.  NO!  I do have to get in for blood work.  Again, the blood work was incomplete.  Again, my appointment was canceled.  The hospital is pushing dei hiring, and we are suffering for it.

This time they will get a talking to.  Beyond, I will have them verbally confirm the testing with my clinic.  And, going forward, every time I go for a draw, the two clinics will speak one to the other, before testing starts.  And I will check the tests, as well, before I leave.

A touch worried.

.

.

Doctor appointment coming up.  Will check then.  BP is often, say five of the last seven days, down in the 88/65, with pulses as low as 38 to 54.  Okay.  Wasn't sure if that was bad.  Went looking, as a simple exercise, not for surety (can't trust the web, on several fronts, of for specifics with particular givens).  Still, could get a gist?

Seems, from what I read and saw, that these things aren't an issue, with the caveat that there are no symptoms.  My problem?  The symptoms I was having existed before the low reads, and have improved.  If yet remain, exhaustion the worst and slowest to fade.

Things mother never believed.

.

.

I told mother about things I did, things I ate, my utensils and cookware.  She ususally disagreed, or simply didn't believe.  Of course, carnivore eating.  Which has been slipping lately, so she is gaining again.  Still, I did show her.  Cooking with stainless cookware.  If very good quality, triple or more ply, stainless.  Using only wood or metal cooking utensils.

Still having some difficulty.  She keeps reaching for silicon utensils while hot cooking.  If she keeps doing that, I will throw those out.  Only for cold applications.  And she keeps putting hot food in plastic containers.  Again, if I catch her again, I will tell her those will be thrown and replaced with glass or ceramic if I catch her doing that one more time.  Cold food in only!  Room temp.

A few things.

.

.

On the road, yesterday.  Banking business, tanking up, a few other things.  Meant to get blood work and pick up dairy.  Ended up taking a trip into Idaho, to... Pocatela, I think.  I thought it was closer.  No, it was a two hour, boring, drive.  Or more.

Had plans, for the trip.  But when we got there... no.  Oh.  Thought it was a real city.  Turned at the first exit, so maybe missed something?  The outskirts was populated with trailer homes.  Not... What I was expecting, at all.  Turned around and left before driving much further in.

Considerations.

.

.

Not... claiming these vids as truths?  I will suggest there may be more than meets the eye to them.  If I simply can't fully sign off on them.  Consider it more... poetic psychology?  Transendental philosophy?  You... most likely won't appreciate.  Most who try to go into these won't make it through, consciously.  So understanding is not for most.

If The Architect's speech, in the matrix, required two (or more, many more) listens, to roughly understand, I am not sure you are capable of understanding what these suggest.

Oh my word!

.

.

Alarms set.  Mother hollered up a time or two.  The phone went off as well?  No matter.  I was... unavailable for exterior commitments.  With feet elevated, I finally found comfort, and warmth.  Did I fail, fall, crash into that?  Or did I merely finally just find it?

I... don't care which.  What I did care about was that I was able to snuggle in, sleep, sleep well, warmly, and was able to get rest in sleep that I had started to miss.  If... I can sleep like that for a few days, or weeks, as much as possible?  I may actually recover before I hit long term, semi-perminemt, or perminent collapse.

A good sleep.

.

.

Not as much, or as good, as is hoped.  Still, much better than generally, recently.  For half a week, sleep was excellent.  As I try a few things, sleep has flagged a bit.  Though I think the new methods will pan out.  Some already are.  Elevating feet, while sleeping, is just taking some time to incorporate.  And keeping my feet warm, while elevated, is proving... to be complicated.

Still, I think everything will turn out beneficial.  I am enjoying the practices, just need to perfect them.  Working on it.

Help?!?

.

.

Yes!  It arrived.  I used it for three projects, and breaks on the vehicle.  I owe, now.  I will pay.  But, honestly, a bargain I don't deserve.  The breaks were bad.  Really bad.  With 90k and not having been worked, angels must have been helping.  He took pictures.  I'll see if he will text them, so I might show them.

While here, I needed help with a few things.  Things I didn't think I could solo.  Ended up soloing a few.  Some he soloed because I couldn't.  But the list was short, quick, and now done.  As well, he brought 4x4 x8s, for the porch.  Then took my vehicle for breaks.  Finished them in... an hour or two?

Able to wake, if just for a few things.

.

.

Mostly just to put Jasmine out on her lead, and feed her.  I think I fed and watered Sassy too.  Oh, and while at it, I took morning medicine with leftover coffee, fatted, from very early this morning.

I garbled morning platitudes, if honestly.  Things like " good morning", "did you sleep well", and perhaps seeing if she needed anything.  It was obvious I would be crashing soon.  I tried to get right up.  Jasmine is housetrained.  I'd like to keep it that way.

We haven't talked yet.

.

.

I get the feeling she is going to take the vaccine, whichever, all?  She thinks it is, they are, good.  As I said, that is end game.  If she wants that, she needs to be in with those who do so.  I simply won't allow being in constant proximity to such people.  It poisons me.

I slept a lot yesterday.  And will today as well.  There may be calls coming in, efforts I must engage, from possible break work, to the last of the heavy yardwork.  Or, being present for some of it.  Or not.  Not sure any of it will move forward.

A warm comfortable sleep.

.

.

I would like to say I figured out how to sleep warmly.  I did not.  I have been tending that carefully.  But I have been doing so, to the best of my abilities for months.  Sleeping frigid, probably because I was pushing, or stressed, or... else.  No, I did not fix that.  But I am enjoying warm sleep.  No matter what graces gifted that.

As to comfort, though?  I have been trying this, and that.  I did sort that.  The extra playform material didn't work.  It ended up being just like what I already had.  Trying other things also didn't help.  What did help, at least last night, the first try at it... so I will see... is using the inflatable mattress topper my mother brought from the hospital.  It doesn't fit her bed.  We got her a different one.

Hmm, troubles.

.

.

We spoke about vaccines.  Mother ageed.  Then she changed her mind.  Took the flu shot.  Over my direct objections and her promises.  Held off on the pneumonia shot.  I told her, after, that if she gets that or any other shot, she will have to go back to the nursing home.  I take it that serious.

That poison affects everyone around.  If she wants it, she should be back in with those braindead enough to take the poison, and get back on covid shots too.  Absolutely no debate, here, on this matter.  If she chooses the shots, she has to go.  Period.

A deep, long, hard, sleep.

.

.

Warm, too!  Not hot, too warm, either.  Just... not cold, frigid, for the first time in... weeks? months?  Or so.  Stress, from business deals, efforts, upcoming chores, too much on my mind.  Pushing, pulling, dying.  Not that I am out of the woods, only that I am nearing... completions, arramgements, a slowing of the seasons and a break from such heavy demands.

Oh, but sleep was fantastic.  Needed.  Especially to be warm in it.  If, to, I figured out why I am so sore.  The plywood under my mattress does help.  But, I have been rolling so much lately due to being too cold most nights, not getting enough rest or sleep for the last month(s), and wrestling with stress for months, all have caused me to constantly alligator roll.  And, on the more solid platform, this is what hurt, caused the pains.

Awake.

.

.

Set up mom's coffee.  Sure I already did that.  She must have run the pot.  Maybe washing the machine, hit a button.  No worries, it happens.

Brought Jasmine in.  Late, but it works.  She truly hates her cage.  Mom must have found a piece of plywood for half the base.  And while that should make being in the cage more comfortable, she just doesn't like it.  Hey, fair enough.  I actually understand.

Laughing in leisure.

.

.

Not a luxury, or a bitter thing.  Adding, subtracting, with calculus, physics, philosophy, and more thrown.

When I see about how milfs are angry, horny, and alone.  Even mids could sort that easily.  Not even I have truly run away from women.  I just turned my back on certain of them.  Behave, be humble, lose weight, shut up, and smile.  Like, basically, what men are required to do.

Up, just for that bit.

.

.

Jasmine is out.  Happily.  We will get a bit of a platform for her, so the cage doesn't hurt her feet.  No food or water overnight.  They indicated she was potty trained.  If today is evidence, it seems so.  She went as soon as I got her out, then after I left her.  Mom is nosy.  ;p

I fed and watered her first thing.  She was so happy to be out.  She didn't bark, or whine while indoors.  She was a very good girl.  Sassy hissed and hissed and hissed, and wouldn't get out of the way, when bringing Jasmine in.  Ugh.  Oh well.  Eventually we will... see.  I don't want Jasmine penned all of the time.  We'll see.

Finally!

.

.

One of the biggest jobs remaining, for me.  Putting Jasmine's kennel together.  I pushed for a longer, taller, wider, stronger one.  I will admit, I went excssively large.  However, there is some solid advantage to that.  Much better too large than too small, for certain.

It took two work sessions to get it finished, tonight.  I had been tightening all fasteners tightly, initially.  Had to loosen them all, to get final fitting corrected.  But it did work.

Rather rough.

.

.

Sore.  Ribs, back, skeletal in those places, and generally.  Tired, bodily, pretty much everywhere.  Muscle weakness, easily wearied.  Sleepy as well.  A different form of exhaustion.  Fighting for more life, waking time.  Failing.

Did get banking business done, mail sent, and cardboard in for recycling.  Had hoped to help mom, after returning.  But that isn't possible.  She wasn't happy, but didn't say much.  Hoping to be up later this afternoon.  To clear a few heavy things, then set up the cage for Jasmine.

Now, sleep.  So cold.  So tired, exhausted, sleepy, and more.  Later... or much later.

Columbus Day?

.

.

In one sense?  SUPER!  Glad to see it back, and honestly.  What wasn't pleasing?  Everything was closed, even my bank!  (While they still push woke in every ad, gah!)  The tire shop was open.  So I set up a schedule to get in and get them renewed.

Tomorrow, I guess.  Bank business, an amazon return, and boxes to recycling.  Still, I got things set up and ready to go.  So frustrating.  Still so tired.

I'll help mom out a bit.  Then go on to bed.

Tires have about doubled in price.  And I'm not even going as top tier.  They say 50k miles.  May find out.

So tired.  Later or good night.