Smoked ribs.

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At 250, they took four hours, and used seven pounds of wood pellets?  Or so.  One hour open, two hours in foil, then another hour and a half actually open again.  Tender, with a smoke ring.  Could have cooked longer?  Yes.  But done and not bad at all.

A whole chicken and a chuck roast are being thawed to try next.  If I must get to town, I may grab a pork butt and chops, or something else to fill.  Best bet, with as many pellets as this uses, the time involved, and the space available, is to fill the cook spaces and cook enough for a few weeks, pulling some for fresh or near fresh. Freezing the rest in meal or several meal packets.  Or, that's how I see things.

Awake at near my new normal.

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It was just at 22:30 when I woke.  Why?  I would much rather be awake during the day.  The cool, of night, is only better when it is blazing hot out there.  While it is reaching into the 80's out there, at this altitude, and else this particular season, that is... splendid weather.  Not... to be out in, during the highs.  But in the morning and evening, outdoors, while indoors remains quite pleasant during even the highs.

Yes.  I will have to push my days and nights around.  Or give it a good shot.  You have no idea how difficult that is for a native night owl.  Still, sometimes, for a time, I can stand on my proverbial sleep hands for a little while.

Just look at that!

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I finally got around to ordering a traeger smoker.  Will it work well?  Not in the box.  It... sat there, in the box, for three, four, days.  Longer?  Not much longer.  Unless it was a week or more.  My mind, and time, are not well synced lately.  Not at all. 

In any case, after two false starts, today was the day.  To try.  So... I tried.  Just getting the thing out of the box was a trick, solo.  When I can't pull, or push, I try other methods.  In this case. I turned the box over, careful so as to not dent or ding anything.  Gravity is your friend if you use various control methods.

Finally got the clothes rack up.

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I knew it was going to be a beastly chore, especially solo.  Mother couldn't have reached what needed held, nor does she have the strength.  Not complaining, just explaining. 

Putting up the base boards, needing to pre drill, then use the cordless drill to screw the wood down, while keeping it balanced?  Quite a trick.  Oh, but should I need to do such a task again, I have learned a few things.  Such as starting in the middle.

Several days of rest helps.

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Was so messed up.  Some of it, most of it initially, was pain.  First in the side.  Then much more sharply in the right foot.  Cramps, aching, deforming spasms, brutal.  But then, the pains were eating my sleep, or reducing its ability to allow me to regenerate, catch my breath, refresh.  It was becoming brutal.  I was at the point of trying to make a podiatry appointment.  Couldn't get through, so I procrastinated.  Now things have improved.

I have been sleeping warmly and well the last three longer cycles.  Mostly.  Last night, my left foot tried to join in on all the fun and games.  It, too, started cramping.  Gah!  BUT, this time, I knew exactly what to do.  I took the sock off, slathered it in salve, put the sock back on, and stuffed it in a shoe.  DONE!  Oh, and croc's work, the more fitted ones.  Though if malformation gets worse, at the worst case, tied shoes work the best.  Though, when up and at things, the tied shoes are the ticket.  Just for support while walking.

I got a nice spot of things done.

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And just so far.  Wheezing.  With sleep corrupting my life, and pain, I have become a bit... weak.  Even so, I tore it up. up here.  I've worked on two other areas previously (if you couldn't tell, I definitely can).  Three steps forward, one back.  Sometimes no options other than that.  

This time, I cleared the northern end at the foot of my sleeping pallet.  Not... cleared.  Organized, nicely.  Everything there will need to be sorted before long as well, but the boxes are stacked, sorted.  There is a path in the middle, other than my medicine balls which can easily be moved.  And my new camera gear is altogether, and right there.

A bit better.

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I went downstairs.  The trip was still a bit of a hobble, but wasn't abandonedly agonizing.  It wasn't simple, normal, or even painless though either.  I did go out to bring Jasmine in.  I wanted some fresh air, and to take a few more steps.  Not a lot, just a few. 

Supper, gaming, not much else.  While the pain was bearable, it went well beyond my typical ability to block the sensations.  From the few efforts I put forward, I was sweating profusely from the amount of pain that I could consciously feel.  I... do wonder how much pain my body shields my conscious mind from.  Though I probably... really don't want to know.

My foot.

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The shoe get too tight.  I can't wear it all night.  It begins causing more trouble than adding coolmfort.  There is a risk when taking the shoes off.  Yesterday it worked.  Last night not so much.  By this morning, it was back to like walking on a broken bloody balloon of a foot.

I limped downstairs, hoping it would sort out.  I fed the cats, ate an egg breakfast mother had made, had coffee, then gamed for a bit.  But the pain, even without load on it, became eye-watetingly intense.  Nauseatingly intense.  I... surrendered the field.

Before going back to bed, in humiliatimg defeat, I took four of the strongest painpills I keep on hand.  As well, mother had asked for a painkiller salve, for her arthritic hands.  She works wonders with them, but not without pain, bless her.  Anyway, I tried some of that.

Then up to bed, with shoes on.  Well, one shoe on.  No need, I am realizing, to wear both shoes to bed, uncomfortable as they are.  The hope was that pain might soften, between sleep, medication, the ointment, and the shoe and wool socks.  It has worked!

Now, half way through, I woke in agony.  With the shoe tied, and the foot swelling, the compression became unbearable.  I tried, as before, to ignore, or "snooze" the pain.  As before, that eventually fails.  Pain makes me sweat, at some point of intensity.  Sweat was just pouring off me.  Stubborn, I am.  Even I have limits.

But, this time, I tried a middle ground.  I just loosened the ties, opened the ankle and tongue of the shoe.  Then.... tried, and succeeded returning to sleep.  Half a day?  Six to nine hours, roughly.  But, awake.  With a foot that doesn't bring me yo my knees, even eithout weight.  Oh my goodness gracious, the joy to be awake and not in waves of panic and nausea inducing agony!

Now to go downstairs, carefully.  Maybe to finish the coffee, yave some water, do some gaming.  Just... a test run.  If, and I do mean if, i can do a few light things, I may try to do a few things on our to-do list.  Putting up a secondary shower curtain.  Putting up a drying rack.  And, maybe, making supper for us.

Oh, I fried the fish the other day.  Mother said nothing, through the meal.  So I guessed she didn't like it.  I was not going to push for a comment, bit oh well, I thought it was delicious.  After I had given up on a word, either way, she... admitted this was better than lst time.

What was so hard about saying that?  It's not really a contest.  Is it?  I don't use batter.  I simply salt, lightly pepper, and gently fry in tallow.  Fresh lemon, if available.  Frying ag medium to medium high, flipping with tongs, after gentling loosening the fillets.  I work fish like no other food.  Being very careful not to overcook.  She just blasts it, like it was a steak.  Strange, but she can cook a thinner steak correctly... though too, only if she has the state of mind, in the moment, to focus.  I use timers, so things don't get out 9f hand.  She just thinks she has enough focus.  Ugh.

Not .. angry.  Just, for some food, I need a more delicate outcome.  I don't mind doing it.  If she can do it, so be it.  If she won't, I will.  And breading!  We are going to have to work up a better keto/carnivore method.  Just flouring things with almond or coconut flour is terrible.  Or even the keto blend I make.  Those work for some things, even tortillas.  But not as crusts.  Too dry, cloying?  No, not cloying, think dry, tasteless, like dried paper mâché.  Have to work on that one, though I have an idea.

moisten slightly, or dab nearly dry... the chicken part, chop, or fish, etc.  coat it in dry gelatin (good beef, flavorless).  Beat an egg, dredge the powdered meat in the egg.  Powder fried pork skins.  then coat the dredged meat in the pork "panko".  Then fry on medium, then bake to finish.  OR...  Bake first, then fry to finish?  The latter, as I prefer crispy.

Oh, right.  On to getting up, maybe to something.  Good evening.  Later. 

Better.

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Sleeping with shoes on is an odd thing.  As a general rule, I haven't done it since I was in the service and either was working extra long hours, days even, with more shifts, duties, or watches incoming.  Or was somewhere I prefered to be ready.  Not comfortable, but now or back then, it wasn't a comfort thing.  Just as when they had us not wear shoes, on subs.  When we were trying to be ultra quiet.  Yes, we did that.

I couldn't wear them the whole time I slept.  It was becoming too painful.  I had to decide whether to try to wake, or take my shoes off and hope my foot didn't spasm into malformations again.  Couln't really wake, so I took the chance, removed the shoes, and went on back to bed.

Awake, to help mom.

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She wanted to be awake by a certain time.  I happened to be awake in time to check on her.  She was awake?  Or, when I opened my door, it woke her up.  In any case, I did that, with my seeming club foot.

I just started gaming.  But my foot was cramping, again... de- or malforming.  Twisting.  So, painful as it was, I put on shoes.  They look like tennis shoes, sneakers, but they are steel toed with a steel shamk.  Keen's.  They... fortify the foot.  Hold it in shape, tighten well, for compression.

A stitch in time.

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Or in the side.  It is finally, mostly, gone.  Replacing it?  The foot pain has returned.  Was it the foot cramps which caused foot damage?  While gaming, have I wrenched my foot?  Bits of both?  Or did someone hurt me, while I slept?  I sometimes do wonder.  As hard as I sleep, it is possible.  The dropsies is a terrible affliction.  Leaves a man completely vulnerable, and the world is cruel and corrupt.  Are they seeing if I am dead, or just being cruel, if that is the case?

The brutality of the pain makes me lame, or again, if in a new way.  My right foot (thankfully just one foot, this time) is swollen in the joint, and throughout the foot, making it like walking on a bloody ballon, rather than a foot.  With the knuckle seemingly displaced.  And a constant ache to it, with added pain for weight bearing, or even moving.  Maybe wearing shoes, to compress against the swelling, and preventing it from twisting, deforming, with or into cramps, might help.  As agony goes, it's winderous, splendid, glorious.  This too, a gift to my Lord... in commiseration at the little cross I am allowed to bear.  And, to be spent as He may, for whomever may gain from it.  Even just in spirit.  Amen.

Awake.

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Trash day.  I need to move the bin out.  And brush my teeth, possibly shave.  Perhaps get some water in, game just a bit, and such.  But to get back to bed before too long.  A shower too?  Late, but maybe.  Every two to three days is best.  Daily is great, but... drying... terribly drying.

Hmm, I'll even, possibly, feed the girls.  At least check on them.  Jasmine is mostly an outdoor girl as weather has warmed.  She prefers that to the cage.  If I can ever get up here sorted, secure from dog chewing, I may allow her up here.  Or, at least when I am awake for a bit.

Mostly better.

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Still with the stitch in the side.  It isn't as bad, if oddly constant rather than intermittent.  I prefer the milder pain, even if regular.  Surprised it remains though.  It does wear me down.

Temps were climbing.  Into the mid 80s.  Then it cooled off down into the 60s.  Which is adding to a need to sleep.  Fragile.  Too hot, cold, too fast, too long, or even fast changes, and I hit a wall.  If you love to sleep, and can survive doing so?  You would love my life.

I think I figured it out.

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The pain.  Though, possibly, it was two things combined.

The lessor additive issue is experimenting with resistant starches.  The goal is to better feed various bacteria et. al. in the lower intestines.  To do this, eating a small amount (think half a cup to a cup) of pasta, beans, or potatoes... cooked, then cooled.  You can reheat those, but don't eat them freshly cooked.  As well, raw potatoes, if you can handle those.

A busier day?

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Yes.  Gaming is helping me be awake more often.  As such, mom can ask for things.  I don't always agree to help, if I can't I don't.  And, not always when she wants something done.  "Now" isn't always possible.  A half hour from now?  Allows me to gather myself, finish whatever I am doing, or be in a physical state, or rest from else, in order to help or do.  She is learning patiences pays better than harrassment.  Harrass and I just go back to bed.  Not in anger, in exhaustion.

I grilled a chicken today.  It did come out very well.  I grilled (smoked, and the chicken too, really or rather) a portion of a btisket the other day.  Both came out pretty good.  A smoked meat, with enough for leftovers, twice month?  More often, with the oven ooc.

BP is being odd.

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For a long time, while taking the maximum blood pressure medicine, bp was remaining high.  Then I started checking bp four times a day.  Before taking medicine, and an hour after.  Trying to take medicine in the morning and evening.  Failing that, taking it in what passes for those, for me.

BP started, slowly, dropping.  Then quickly.  Then too much.  I had to titrate down, quickly.  Going from 12.5 mg twice a day to 6.25 twice a day.  After two days I had to half that.  And, now, my bp is so low I can't take those meds!  Or, not always.  I can't say why.  Though, if I am not careful, and take a dose, or half dose when my bp is good, say 120/80, but certainly lower, I can crash, hard.

A new record.

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If numbers can be believed?  Over 502,000 visitors this last month.  I'm not a believer.  I am a chuckler, so I chuckle.  I ought to see how much the clickfarms charge for that many visits.  Just to see what someone is paying to attempt to trick the (non-existant) ego of a ghost.

I'd recommend they not do that.  Put the money into a pro-life group.  This one in particular is my favored.  If... what I suggest is true?  You'd do my soul a square.  My ego, mind, and body are good with solitude.  Just... a thought... prayer... request.

Finally, some work.

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It is warming.  Perhaps too much.  I may have to push to get ac's installed.  Electrical is still in the works.  Then tankless water heaters.  Then I'll have to get a fresh quote on heating and ac.  So... this fall or next spring?  Maybe.

Still, the warmth is easier to manage than the cold.  I sleep better, in the cool and cold.  But waking becomes a serious problem.  And, yes, working is easier in the warm to even hot temps.  Up to a point.  Too hot and I can't sleep.  At 75 F up here, sleeping is becoming a bit difficult.  Not impossible yet.  But I will need that ac, for reasonable sleep, before it hits 80.

Pain is back.

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About a year ago, I stopped hurting.  Did better, for about six months... or so.  For about thirty five years, to then, I had been in constant pain.  Exhaustive pain, adding to simple exhaustion, doubling or tripling the effects.  Now, while pain ended, exhaustion remained.

The last six months, pain has returned.  Exhaustion has increased with it.  That, exhaustion, had never left.  But, with pain gone, it was simpler, easier to ignore... sometimes.  With pain returning, complete exhaustion is now pretty much complete.

Too many problems.

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Applying for specific other V.A. benfits.  They require online access, video capacity, and other tech to which I don't have access.  Just signing up to my healthy vet, requires joining some id program, which is proving impossible on my smart phone.  I thought these programs were for disabled vets?  What about having access and functionability on modern tech does disability make sense for?

The program isn't likely to be offered.  Not sure it is worth the hassle.  And, yet, it could be very helpful.  Difficult to not try, even if somewhat unlikely.