Tough Day.

I do not know what the problem is today. I could not wake up, when I did I could not get going. I have done almost nothing and still cannot get my feet underneath me. When I finally woke, I thought I was too late to get the trash out. Instead of pouting, however, I raced to get dressed, looked everywhere for a hat but finally just had to brush my hair to the best of my ability as fast as possible, then ran out to peek. The trash had not been taken, so I grabbed the barrel and got it to the street. I missed my appointment with the U of Iowa engineering intake guidance councilor. I did not even realize I had missed it until 15:30 or so. I had it in my phone, which has an alarm function. It was supposed to go off two hours before the meeting (so at 8:30 this morning it should have sounded). It did not, and it was beside my bed and on. Very frustrating. Again, rather than pout, I called the U., and got her phone number which I wanted anyway, then had them transfer me to her office. I spoke with voicemail, left a message indicating I would like to reschedule, left my phone number (slowly), and grumbled a bit at my foolishness. I may actually do something tonight, but I am just dragging. I received an email and something I needed in order to pick up the bookcase I had been asked to retrieve. I wrote back, because I was getting little in the way of direction in what where and when. I got back, from this source, a very direct and sure email. So, just so I do not end up empty handed today, I will really try and get this done. If not, early in the morning. Beyond all that, I just cannot get to study. I am exhausted and cannot focus. I will try, after a shower and the bookcase, but…

I am not sure what the deal is. I do know that panicking, pouting, and ignoring do not work. I also know, sometimes, nothing works. I will keep my goals in mind and push as hard as I can. I hate when I am excited about something, classes and continuing school, earning an income, and learning, only to be thwarted by… exhaustion, as in this case, or ghosts which I have been told do not even exist, or ghosts which unquestionably do exist from my past, or whatever. How can I be shut down by a wisp of doubt, how can memories cloud out the present and future so completely, why does an exhaustion that is neither physically earned nor related to present stress disable a healthy powerful mind and body? I do not care, in some ways, so long as I can push a bit and get it done. We will see.

On the up side…

Ok, so I maintain a little humor, even when there is not an up side. Well, time to shower and call. Strike that, call and shower if there is still time. I hope to wake enough to look over the homework tonight. It is not a lot, but it is important and involved, and new to me.