I keep running into negatives on my route of my disability. Sometimes it is little, sometimes it is large. Sometimes it is just a word of doubt… should you? can you? do you really want to? Sometimes it is wholesale resistance through avoidance, not giving me enough information to plan well, and people who should be helping according to legal, moral, or social connections with me or my case simply not helping as they really should.
I have been thinking about this. Married guys, though happy, seem disinterested in my getting married. I wonder if it is a form of jealousy. Being single, without children, and making just about exactly $40,000 a year after taxes, with medical benefits, is not bad if it could be a lot better. More so since all I have to do to receive it is... exactly nothing. If I wished to be single and to not have to work for a living, I suppose that would be perfect. And, I think many would like to trade places. This, I am very sure, affects some of the people I know professionally and socially. Though I must wonder if they see me as not worthy of marriage, incapable of work, or something else? Perhaps, and maybe in the past that was true. I am hoping this will turn around as this new effort begins to bear much more fruit. It is frustrating.
It is tiring, however, to run into this. Perhaps they mean to put the nubs to my run, perhaps they just mean to remind me to go slow, but some of them mean to hurt me. It is direct, if merely, usually, simply a slight a cut a jab. I am working like I have not worked in decades. And, yes, I even find it in the Church, though I think that is directly political. The Church, as a place, seems to have been womanified, feminized really. I knew that, this being a college town. Of course, there are some options, even locally, to deal with that. There is more, perhaps, to it. It is odd that the most “liberal” people can be, and often are and exhibit it, more prejudiced when they do not like the politics of someone. I have seen this before, much more strongly though, if in very different circles.
On other matters, it looks like I will be heading to my Iowa Mother’s home to help her move out. I will not be able to work out while there, but that might easily be tended in getting her moved. She has many things to move and I suspect I will be doing a large part of that. Next month will be busy, but taking a week to help before school starts has the extra benefit in that it will be a long time before I get back to see her. School will be very trying with three classes, my exercise regimen, and my stacking up Church work. I probably will not visit her until spring.
I almost decided it was bed time. But, I do not need to be “up” at 6:00 tomorrow. Midnight is fine as a weekend bedtime, though it would be good to start getting to bed earlier and regularly. A storm is coming through though, and I like seeing those, so later to bed it will most likely be. Goodnight.
I agree that the church has been feminized--a lot of articles have been written on that. Men often would rather do ANYTHING else than go to church. As for getting married, if the men are unhappy or simply bored with marriage, they may not see why you want to bother. But the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have single friends who wish to be married, and I have others who are content. Marriage can be a new problem or it can be a type of completion.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to hear that I am not alone in my observations regarding the Church. Though, I do see a way through it, and that is by becoming active, and an active leader, in the Church. There are more conservative parishes locally, but for the moment I will stay in the parish which I started with. It is the most family oriented, and if that does not quite fit, it is where I am going.
ReplyDeleteI must be honest, I am not looking for marriage to be a greener pasture. I am simply viewing it as a different, and probably more difficult or elevated, form of life. I do see completion through it, but I will have to relax and let go of much to see that completed. It, I have absolutely no doubt, will be a serious test, and will continue to be, off and on, for the rest of our mutual lives. I guess I do not believe in the bliss part except perhaps as a short term wedding gift. It is more like a profession, a service industry job, hopefully with someone who is fun to work with and who enjoys the services provided, but... That is not it exactly either, but...
Just know, I do not see it as a "way out", "merely fun", or such. It is something I feel is required of me as I see life, it is something I want to do, but it is a large task, marriage that is, a big task in order to be in a family, to have children, and to remain poor(ish). (*laughs, if true, at the last*)