Annoying? Yeah, I think that is the word.

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Life has been going better. I have more time available to study, which I do, and more time to tend to standard needs. Laundry is kept up, no rush to clean all my clothes or wear something unclean. The kitchen is kept up, for the most part. Though I use the kitchen little these days there is still some work as even a little use, over time, adds up to a mess. As well, I have been keeping my appointments and trying to figure out how to do the rest of what I want to do. I may need to travel over the Thanksgiving Holidays to do some of the work, and I will need to do a bit of prep work for that, but things are moving. I am also, a person, an institution, and a business at a time, informing that I intend to end school and then move.

My health is odd. Though I am more functional, my kidneys, along with some other odd internals, feel rough. I feel like I have been in a boxing match with someone who did not know the rules. My feet, as always, hurt constantly. Wherever I go, I may have to see if they will do corrective surgery. The feet need it but this hospital had arranged to do the surgery but they just ignored me when I told them not to set the operation up right before classes started (I let them know a year and a half in advance). Beyond that, after they set it up for 3 days before the start of classes last spring, I told my doctor then and in person, and again a week before the event by phone (they still had me listed as going in), that I would not be there (because, as I had said several times, classes were set to start right about then). They did not mark me off their schedule in spite of my warnings and so someone was angry that I was not there for the pre-surgery screening and surgery the day after. Either they are consciously sabotaging my plans and goals, incompetent, or using this as a method of cost cutting (it not only saves on the cost of the surgery but also gives them a means of explaining why they will not offer me services in the future (a no-show gets little attention)).

Classes have been difficult lately. It has not been the material (though the work can be challenging, that is the fun part). The difficulty has been that the work, as I have become better, has become interesting and fun again. Even if I do not test well, I do understand the basics (of most) of the material. And, I really like tinkering with it as I can. Memorizing is the least fun part, but even that is not all bad. The part that is fun is filling out an idea and wrapping it into other ideas. I will never be a true master but I do enjoy the ride. What is so bad about finally enjoying classes again, you might and fairly ask? The problem is that I know these are the last classes I will attend. Some say you never realize what you have lost until it is gone. For me that is not true. I know now what I have lost. So, I will enjoy this time as richly as I may.

Hmm, by the way, I smell war. We are on the brink. We are so close that a wrong blink, a firework, a push or a shove, and bang… it will begin. Perhaps it is already forming. No, it has formed it just has not started. Americans may well learn why we have tried to keep war distant. Perhaps a people with too much blatant but ignorant pride must go through this in order to re-adjust their understanding of real self-worth, their actual value, real rights and the reasons for them, find a purpose, and begin again in humility. It will be an ugly thing if it comes. No one will be able to remain ignorant or neutral. Relativity would be flushed. The scars will never fade. If it happens that is. I can smell it on the wind, I can feel it in my bones, I know it is so close, so possible. We might find out, to some degree, just what weapons are still held on high. They are terrible indeed.

Oh, to those of you who read this, those I spoke of before… Never worry, I do not mind you reading here or such! I wrote this to be read. I was just a bit surprised that anyone at the U. would read here. I find my posts to be boring, for the most part. I just write to spill out thoughts and ideas, real, imagined, and potential prognostication. Though knowing I was read locally, at first, made me a bit nervous, I got over that quickly. Since I have not been shot, arrested (so far), been failed in my classes, or such, I am good with the rest of it, even if you think me silly. If you have any questions, even a jab (keep it civil though), comment (anonymously if need be). Do not now try to hide from me. It is too awfully funny, in a nice way, when you attempt to do that at this point. I now know.

…too funny