A busy Saturday.

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I had hoped to study yesterday and today but friends needed help yesterday. I was asked to “help” my lady friend stay up yesterday. She suggested I bring a movie and maybe some food. What she really meant was that she needed help moving things down from her little upper floor so that she could clean it today. In any case, I did bring food (very little of it was interesting to her, or as it ended up, me). The movies I brought were of little interest either. I went for something new, of which there was little of interest. All of it was either too scary for her, was too political for me, or both. So, I went with something I had only heard by name but knew nothing about. A supposed comedy. I also picked an older movie we have both seen but which was interesting. The movies, Zohan and The Sixth Sense. She had little interest in the old scary movie, so we put in Zohan. It was as political as the rest, raunchier than either of us cared for (we assumed the first scene of such nature was a massage, but no). It was a grotesquery of modernist sentiment. In spite of her liberalism she does have serious limits, moral codes (which I cannot see or understand, I think they flex and change a bit, and they are sort of feminist based I think?), and she prefers the subtle immorality of older Hollywood style, say back to the 40’s and 50’s type movies. As for me, I am conservative back to the Old Testament or something, honestly. If I fail to live within that completely it is my goal. It is quite difficult in this world. Anyway, Zohan seems to describe the conglomerate worldview which allowed Obama and McCain to even be on the various tickets.

The movie ended up being ignored while we went to work. I watched bits of it between moving the books, boxes, clothes, and asunder she handed down (giving me explicit directions for the placement of each item or group of items… she amazes me in this way sometimes). The movie seemed to indicate that the world comes down to Jews and Arabs against rich white people and rednecks. Perhaps they all became friends in the end, if I missed it, it was not a loss (missing any of the movie would not be chalked up as a loss by myself). From the movie, I realize I am pretty much too old fashioned for this world. What seems to be what our elites and pop-culture see and understand is so far outside of my worldview that I am no longer a member of what I had thought was my community. I understand that I no longer belong, and further, I have no interest in belonging. My nation may or may not have died, but to me, either I have changed or it has changed beyond repair. It was good, however, to see even a liberal balk at the affront by the movie. But she, too, is older though. Our time is done, her side has won, yet I think she is, if slowly, understanding the destruction of her win. She also seems a bit troubled at my decision to back away from everything. She is surprised that I see no way back to morality, ethics, freedom, or such. I think she had counted on me and mine always fighting and perhaps holding her and her’s passions in check. She is not sure what to do without resistance. She will have to learn. Most of this came in small snippets, all of it without anger. I was not trying to press her buttons, just letting her know. And asking her what she sees.

In any case, we were able to do her work, to her demanding expectations, in short order. She was quite pleased. So, I was pleased. I will have to, before the week is out, call and see if she finished her task. I always like receiving the rest of the story.

I have been asked to help at Church. A friend of mine sets up before church and does so every week. He sometimes needs to travel, and would like to take time off from time to time in any case. So, he has asked me to learn what he does so that I can take over from time to time. I had agreed to this before I realized I had lost my chance at school, therefore before I had decided to move. I am going in and learning, as I have not yet figured how to break the news. I have one hope, I know someone who is new to the area who might be able to fill in for me. I must ask that, but I have been a bit nervous about it. Other than that, there is nothing I can do. I am set to leave here in January to March, if a couple of variables may be attended. That finished up my Saturday. I was not able to study when I returned home. Still, it was an excellent Saturday.

When one door closes, looking around causes one to realize how many doors there really are. It is too much to consider at one time. There is a whole world out there, if it is not as interesting or challenging (or so it seems from here and now). And, I know all the other doors more quickly lead to decline. My time, for the most part, is over. I am not able to be consistently useful. So, what is left to me is to try and simply enjoy and explore life itself. On the other hand, I do have some gear for beginning that, and some interests to begin using that gear and other equipment. My knowledge and certainty of ability and capacity are what need to be expanded and tested at this point. Who knows what is out there? As well, there is no reason I cannot keep exploring and learning the sciences and math. Though it is a bit more difficult to do on my own, at least from the books I have seen. It is not impossible to some degree though. Such is life.