Some thoughts about Church.

And a minor update regarding my work.
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I realize that some things I have been saying may make it seem like I am “church shopping”. That could not be farther from the truth. When I look at a church, it is rejected or accepted not by my designs, but by whether it abides the Pope and the Magisterium. That may end up being slightly subjective, but it is greatly objective. A church will be found acceptable or not depending on what the parishioners and priests accept and discuss regarding abortion, gay marriage, political correctness, and many other issues. I do not care what other churches believe, what individuals who are not Catholic believe, or how they live (to a degree), but I must care about where I lay my religious head. My soul depends upon it. I do not believe in God, worship Christ, and try my best to listen to the Holy Spirit merely to then ignore all of that with who I pray, worship, and to some extent live with. As with Heaven, the Church, my Church, is not a democracy, and certainly not negotiable. So, when I seek, I seek the authority and truth, not my wants. I do bow to the Church, the real one. I cannot, however, receive blessings from a priest who condones birth control, let alone abortion.

If you are gay, and married, I can be your friend. If you have killed someone, I can love you, trust me. Whatever sin you have committed, are committing, or are considering committing, we can probably work together. My sins are plenty bad, and continue today. I can love you, even if you are my enemy. As a fact, I think more highly of some mortal enemies that I do of the false faced friends I have had. At least the enemy was honest. He knew what I was doing because he was (trying) to do the same. But that does not extend to religion. I can go to your church with you, and I would if I thought that would at least bring you back to some form of worship. But I will attend the service as a Catholic. God has asked me, put roughly, to speak all tongues to all men, not to become like all men. And, he has asked me to love all men, rightly that is. And I try. My tongue does bite. And, it should. A child who is hungry will cry. A pet in pain will yelp. And one who has chosen faith, when shown sin, will be angry.

One of my failings, to this date, is not learning the rosary. I had downloaded the method, then school heated up and life became more difficult. I keep meaning to find or reprint the material, but it has not yet been done. As a newcomer to Catholicism, this is one of my holdouts, so far. My anti-feminist ways have been part of the problem. I have heard rumblings of an attempt to make Mary a co-savior or something. This has not helped. Though I have come to see that the flawed thinking of some should not dissuade me, as the rosary is fine and more if done with the proper faith. It is a prayer method that works outside of our wishes, wants, pains, and such. It is a purely offering of our time in private (or even group) worship. It merely praises God, asks for Mary the Mother of Christ to intercede for us (and who better to ask for an intercession) for our failings, and it requires some time and thought. Beyond, it is not a merely repetitive action. Doing it asks that we actively participate by reliving the various mysteries (important points of Jesus’ life). It is, as I am coming to see, an amazingly efficient and proper prayer. In any case, that is my next religious task.

I also wanted to speak about suffering and my complaints. First, I do accept my various sufferings. They allow a humility, in real life, that I could find no other way. They have allowed me, through my situation, to contemplate God a great deal more. Though as I have said before, I do not believe my illness brought me to God. It might actually have slowed the process, as I could use my inabilities (by leaning on them) to keep me from doing what I was called to do. I am thankful for them, in odd ways. While they keep me, most likely, from piling gold on the platter, they do allow me to offer my suffering into that same platter. Suffering can easily be seen as a prayer or sacrifice. Some prefer to keep their pains and relish in them, or use them as a “reason” to inflict pain on those around them. And, though I may at times be guilty of this too, my preference is to speak them occasionally to let them go or to give them to God. It is a poor monetary gift, but it is richer than gold in some ways.

As for my grumpy and political views, these cannot be untied to my faith. They are, in fact, based upon my religion. If at times I go too far, if at times I speak out of line, if at times I make mistakes, it is my attempt to do so righteously. Did not an apostle cut an ear? Did not some consider war? Did not Christ himself cast out moneychangers? That does not excuse that I may be wrong. The Church teaches that to do a good dead, three things are needed. Intent, proper action, and end result, all of these must be right or the good deed is a Hollywood, not Godly, thing. I know I must learn to use more care with my bite, I must remember humility in my arguments, and I must hold my rage. Add this to my need to learn the rosary, and a thousand other things, I know I will never quite make it to the goal line. That I am on the road, however, and I try to know and accept into my very life, Christ, and that I drink the blood and eat the flesh, He will let me dine with him in the end. Yes, I am saying I fail. I am saying I know it, and I suspect you do as well. I guess, too, I am asking for a little leniency.

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I am so close in the bedroom. In the last hour or so, I decided to count up my saved coin. I thought I might have $100, maybe $125, and just maybe $150. I was not even close. I had well over $332. I will be able to afford the cart I had looked at, and the going away gifts I had been considering without so much hand wringing as I had thought. I think I am fine, money wise, but I cannot really know how much all will cost until I have finished it. I have spent more than I wanted to spend on things that were becoming more and more urgently problematic. I could have gone with a cheap computer, of course. But that means I would very likely have needed to replace it much more quickly. Which is wise use of money, a $3000 computer that lasts 6 years (as the last one did), or a $1500 dollar machine I have to replace in two years because I cannot upgrade it and it no longer functions for the things I need it to do? And, the rifle I bought, I bought in faith. These times are bad and they are not getting better. Christ did indicate that if a man has a cloak but no sword, sell the cloak and buy a sword. Today, one sword will not do one man, and the modern sword is a gun. Too many men live on the sacrifices of other men. If I do in some ways, I do not need to do so in all things. Anyway, it is nice to have an extra few bucks.

I may be able to move the dresser myself, with sliders. I am not positive, if I am confident. The bed is another matter. I am so very close, maybe 3 or 4 easy boxes and figuring out how to pack some odd pieces and parts. It is all coming together. It has been a good week of work, if I have not been working as hard as I would have liked. I do have to understand that I am not 20, I am disabled, and the job was much more complex and involved that I had first thought. I have been sleeping well, going to bed at the right time, and rising early (though this morning I did not to rise until 10:30 or something crazy). Oh, and I have been waking without the use of an alarm clock or any other system.

I had best get on to bed. My lady friend indicated she wished to visit tomorrow. She has laundry to do. Maybe she can help figure out the little items that I am not sure how to deal with. If nothing else, it will be good to have some company. I had offered to take her to lunch a few days before she became ill. She was too tired that day, so she asked if I would take her to brunch tomorrow. I agreed. So, there is that too. Good night. May you sleep soundly and dream pleasantly, should that be your lot for the night.