Waking up is so hard to do.

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Based on the song, with breaking up where waking up is. And, this is sometimes quite true. Not lately, for me. I have been waking at about 7:00 every morning. I get out of bed and spend a little time coming to full consciousness. An hour or three later, I am able to get to it. This morning is no different. I will be digging into the room again today, and digging in hard. My fear of backsliding still exists, but not for today. In my breaks, I will spiffy the kitchen, finally get to sweeping and mopping perhaps, and I might be able to give the bathroom a lick and spit touch. No promises, but I feel that energy reserve availability that I like. If the cave begins to feel a bit cramped and the outside looks right, I might take a trip to the uber-super-hardware store and see if they have moving and packing equipment on hand. I like the internet, but it is like Hy-Vee (a major grocery store here in the Mid-West at least) in that it offers whatever you want, if sometimes at elevated cost to allow such a large selection. I have actually heard that the internet offers different prices to different people. Over time, they figure out your income and what you are willing to pay, and then it locks you in. Whether that is true or not, I do not see why it could not be true. Back to it. I am warming the house, then to the shower, and finally back to work. I do not feel that ‘ugh’ moment at the prospect either. Prayers and friends, along with focus, really help.

My mother is looking forward to the trip. I am so hoping to make her stay here as simple and comfortable as possible. She deserves to have at least one son who offers her his hospitality at least as a proper guest but really more, as an esteemed family member. Right, wrong, confused, direct, she has always offered her level best. And, she has always loved us. She deserves some returns, if they may sometimes be bitter mixed with sweet as is all life. A little more sweet is what she craves as time passes. This is a dual purpose visit as well. She is coming to help with the moving and to see a specialist or three. Good news or bad news, I will be with her through it. She will even be able to tinker on my new machine. Not that she really will notice the difference, as electronic card games and board games are her main use of the things. Though I have been staying away a bit, I may see if she wishes to go to church. She leaves during the Eucharist though. I may take the Eucharist and leave with her this time to make up for my having a fit about it in the past. Yes, I can be rather… staunch about some things. I have some understanding of her feelings, but those feelings are what I am trying to get her past so that she might one day, again, enjoy the Feast, break the Bread, and know the Wine. I want her to not have to fear death, not in a particular manner, anyway. She does the works, she has the faith, she is just a step away from eternity, the good one. But I must be patient and careful with her on this. She fears more suffering, perhaps she cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel in rejoining the church and asking for forgiveness.

It has been a fantastic week or two now. Even with the doubts, fears, interruptions, and difficulties, I am going strong. I am confident, as long as this holds, I am able to do a tremendous amount of work without stress or strain. If I do not work conventionally, if I ask for a helping hand here or there, or if I am simply able to bulldoze through, it all is getting done in the end. I like that. Some have questioned my enjoyment of manual labor. They are mistaken. My dislike is in inefficient manual labor. Work made laborious for labor’s sake. With my energy and will, weak as it is, I must think then act, not just jump in and expend a rare and precious commodity I call energy, and really will, focus, drive. Well, off to start my morning drinking (non-alcoholic of course), then to an invigorating shower, then to work. I might have to do something special with the extra thick cut (Iowa) pork chop tonight as the main course of a three or four course meal if I am a dull Jack today, maybe a mint, pesto, and pine nut stuffing? Yes, that might do. Good day.