Perhaps the outlook is improving.

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I am still struggling. If I have done little, I have also not fallen into complete disrepair. I try to keep my eye on what needs to be done, without dispair. I try to be awake and as functional as possible when I am able to be awake. And, if I happen to see a chink in the wall that bars me, literally, from acting, I will try to escape my prison and get whatever done that I can get done. It is frustrating. I suppose it would be like flying and airplane and having the engines quit. You know that panicking will not help. You know that you cannot just pump the engines, at least at first. It is better to go through a checklist, look for problems while you are doing that, and then trying to restart the engines in an ordered manner. Too concentrated of an effort to start the engines might drain the battery, flood something, or overlook a minor problem preventing the re-ignition. So, I fall, as calmly as possible, rationally looking for my wings.

I did take care of Mother’s Day! I sent my Mom a dozen mixed roses. The advert suggested they would be less expensive than they ended up. The trick was that you had to sign up for a year program with them with a monthly fee, after which they would "reimburse" the cost of shipping. If I regularly ordered flowers, it might have been worth it, though I think I would have had to order a lot to make it pay for itself. Oh well, the price was about right for what I ordered, ordered any other way, so no real skin off my nose. I thought I would receive a call today, as this is as late as they could be delivered. No call. I hope she got them, I will be highly agitated if she did not, especially with the false advertisement too boot.

My lady friend popped in today. I think she finally understands how bad of a situation I am in. She forgets, sometimes, how bad it can get. She knows what tired is, and it haunts her. She does not understand being crippled by it. When we lived together, she never understood. Now, about 99% of the time, I was able to make her a dinner before work. She had to do shopping some of the time, and more so if she wanted a very specific dish, or set of dishes, for the meal (I bought groceries, generally, but refused to by "organic" foods for every dish, or even most meals). But there were times where my efforts were minimalist (though I think she greatly enjoyed these too). I simply could not engage in a serious (my version) three to five course meal. And, there were times, weeks even months, where that was all I could do. She forgets, easily. It has been a while since it has been like that. The medicine I was taking was working grandly, certainly better than without, and for almost two years. Too bad the new doctor dropped it and I could neither find the same results in private medicine nor afford private medical care.

I know I thought I was getting better before. But this time, I think it is coming around again. Recovery can be slow, I can stumble on that path, but I just feel it approaching. I am not sure if I can do anything to help it. I am trying to drink plenty of water, though eating is difficult as it is complicated by the kitchen problem, my general inability to cook anyway, and finances. Somehow, my bank is saying my checking account is dry. It really should not be. I have been meaning to get in and check that out, but getting out of bed is about as much as I have been able to muster, and then only weakly. Yes, it is a mess. I have had worse, I do think I am getting a bit better, and I am keeping my head about me this time more easily. Ack!

Good night, or good morning as the case may be.