Moving slowly, but hopefully too.

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I have finished most of the paperwork I need to fax back to the hopefully new landlord, property manager, or whatever she is, exactly. I need to find a few more pieces of information and I should have that out by 14:00. I also need to contact the two utility providers and get that switched back to the landlord on the day I leave, do some bank business, rent the truck, and then do a bit more packing later today. It is amazing how much there is to do when moving. I can only hope I do not miss something vital. To that end, I have put passwords and such down on some secreted papers. One can always make a mistake or miss something though. Two heads, in cases like these, would be better than one, so long as the two minds do not derail each other onto deadend sidetracks.

Sleep was splendid last night. I woke well and early, if waking up has been a slow process. It is nice and cool in here. And should it get too hot in spite of that, I have a fan ready to go. I know I will need to go out into the heat but that is fine. I actually have been enjoying that, so long as I can cool down for a bit.

My neighbor lady was a bit upset when she found that I would be leaving early this next month. She had hoped I would try and have my landlord let me stay a while longer. She seems to forget that it was she who wanted me to stay, and that in part the argument for me staying a bit longer was based on her taking over the apartment, so that the landlord would not need to worry about renting the place, and then that she had reneged on that suggestion. I also suggested that finding a place to stay where I am going has been hugely problematic. After two months of trying, I have only found one single place, and only in the last days, which would offer a place to stay without a 3 day application process initiated in person.

Her life is getting uncomfortable, and largely for the very reason I wish to leave this area. As I have said, she, my other lady friend, and many of the people here belong here. This is their world, what they believe and do, who they associate with and why, makes this their world. No more do I belong here than would they belong where I am going. I am looking for a clean world were people believe in doing good deeds as a common thing and where crime is actually considered, you know, illegal. I would guess it will be illegal to speak one's mind, if it is not already, here and soon. I would guess that it would be dangerous to do so here, and the police, the prosecutor, or both, would ignore that threat due to their political beliefs.

I cannot help people who hate where they are and yet encourage it in how they live. I have to imagine it would be like a saint or angel looking into hell. I wonder, at times, about those who choose the path of the damned. I have no illusion that they do so ignorantly, I am positive they know. And their pleas for help, I am sure some of that is really trying to get help but it lacks veracity due to the fact that they would not change what they did that got them there. In the end, it is an attempt to pull the good to their world rather than a hope to leave their world and ways. I realize, too, that God asks that we not doubt His judgment via sympathy, and we best not have empathy. And so I trust and leave this hell to it's own, and I pray for those who could change to do so.

The world, no doubt, has come completely unglued and totally evil. Perhaps it always was as so. If that last is true, the world, for the greater part, kept that hidden. Maybe now that evil is so open is only the newest thing, perhaps though too, my eyes are only and now finally open. I will never be sure, while I live in skin, but in time that may be known. In truth, and as I have said, it is about me (to me), and you (to you), and each of us (according to ourselves) in our relationship with God. All of it. We must worry only about how we will stand before Christ, pass through the barrier that is the Fire of the Holy Spirit, and then live with God. So, perhaps, even questions about this world we might now have will be burned away as all our fleshly failings will be burned as and before we can ascend to heaven. Perhaps even those who choose hell will lose all false questions as well. At that time, perhaps, we will realize we always knew the truth and that our questions are just games we play to avoid knowing what God has already told us. I can live with that. And I will happily release questions of flesh as I release the fallen flesh.

Well, I suppose I should get to work. I pray, each night, to make it to the land of milk and honey. I sometimes worry, if like Moses (though without having done any of his great deeds), I will be denied more than a view of such a place. Perhaps my failure of faith has doomed me. With what is going on locally, I do worry. I am trying to keep more secure in the time I must wait, it is all I can do. Though knowing what liberal prosecutors do to those who dare defend themselves, even that is tenuous.

Have a good day.