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That is how long it took me just to figure out how to pick up my medicine... through exhaustion, confusion, and an otherwise inability to put together a shower, being dressed and at the right time, and driving to the post office. I, of course, went to the wrong one though finding the right one was quite simple. I walked in with only minutes to spare. I started the process at about 14:30, could not quite get out of bed until 15:34 though I tried several times. Then a shower and dressing. Then, I was almost sure I could get there. The minutes were flying off the clock though. I was moving through mud. I was never sure, but I thought I could. And then it was done. A weeks worth of hard labor, truly.
The truth of being me is a bit embarrassing. I debate moral and ethical, social and economic, issues and I think I do so reasonably, and yet I cannot go down town and pick up medicine? Then again, I would suggest that Einstein left to his own devices would have had at least as bad of a situation, probably much worse. No, I do not produce as he did if what he did is just as questionably termed scientific poetry mixed with mysticism than pure science, but that is for another discussion. Still, I am pleased to just be who and what I am. And a little success sure can be sweet!
I do not think I will start it today. I know, you would think I would want to hop right on it. I want to give myself another day just to put myself in as much order to begin this as possible. And, actually, I need a rest after fighting the mental plague for this week. Though, as a mental physicist might say, since I did not move (until today), that I did no work. Which, in a way, proves physics wrong, since I worked harder doing nothing while attempting to do something than some people will ever work their whole lives. Yeah, crazy, but true.
I am looking forward to starting Ritalin again though. I have a long list of things that need to be done, that I want to do, and that I should do. I have places to go, people to see, things to do, and a life to get a bit more busy within. I have subjects to study, words to learn and write, and blogs to visit. It is time for me to start up again. And in my new home I have a brand new glowing chance at starting over. I have a world to build. I have just been given, I think, the key to the kingdom, barren as it is at this point. It is time.
Have a great day!
I hope you are well. I must have missed much of what is going on with you. But if you feel you are walking through mud with no energy/motivation, please make sure you get a complete check on your thyroid. Full thyroid panel and you may have to request it or the docs just test certain aspects. This gland if it goes wacky really affects your attitude and abilities. I hope the best for you!
ReplyDeleteHi Pam,
ReplyDeleteYes, I really suspect the thyroid is the problem, or endocrine gland system in whole. They say they have tested, and I know they physically like to check it fairly often (so I think they suspect it too). But like other health issues I have, it comes and goes, radically and sometimes quite quickly.
On the good side, I don't let it get me too emotionally down anymore in spite of not having given up or lost hope (I did have to find hope in the first place, after the illness began, though).
Thanks for stopping in. I may ask them if they have done a 'complete thyroid panel', or not, out of curiosity. Thanks for the notion.
I read somewhere that Einstein lived a short walking distance from Princeton, when he worked there.
ReplyDeleteHowever, they soon had to have someone follow him home so he wouldn't get lost. Busy minds go in many directions at the same time.
Perhaps you are related? d;-)
Look into Hashimoto's Thyroiditis; which is an autoimmune up/down/up/down thing which causes problems. Ask for a full thyroid panel. Ask for Free T3 and Free T4 and thyroid antibodies. Don't settle for just a "TSH" test. TSH tests pituitary function, not thyroid function. Once you get true numbers on all this, then you can rule it out. (Thyroid cancer victim = me) Stay proactive.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I am finally in some kind of shape to act on your information. I will take a note, when I go in, but I have the juice now to speak a little more certainly. Thanks.
ReplyDelete