A little relaxation and some changes.

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I am cooling off after a long hard week. I must admit though, in spite of my incessant whining, I am pleased to be on the road to becoming the man of the house. Perhaps I will never quite make it to bread winner, father, or possibly even husband. But then I never thought I would be in my own home either. Actually I did not think I would still be alive. I did not think I was going to see thirty, let alone on past forty. It has been a heck of a ride, but like the picture of the cat clinging to a twine, seemingly over nearly infinite ether, I am still, somehow, holding on.

I made some changes to the sidebar. Too many sites that I do not visit, ceased visiting, or which have disappeared. One of them, if I can find the new address to somewhere in my email, I will repost. His name was Daniel, a homeschooler, and a pretty decent guy. He stopped posting for a bit, I think to clear the connection with some family photos, something his wife objected too (and reasonably in my opinion, as I am a bit of a... security minded individual myself). In any case, last I heard, he had started posting again. But I was in such a funk that I could not quite get the updated email link to here. It is always good to shake up the site from time to time. Still, I hope to get this other blogger's page back up. I liked his stuff.

Bedtime, and early, tonight. It is still rather warm (hot for me) here. And yet I do believe I will be able to crash. I will continue, even though it is a weekend (maybe more so for that reason) to try and wake early tomorrow. I must seem like a fool, setting my alarm at 8:00 and not being able to rise until noon, while snoozing multiple times and resetting the alarm over and over? I do not know, all I can say is that I try my darnedest and sometimes that is all I have. Same with much of my life. I am not whole.

I have been considering writing my dreams down for the blog. There is a large collection of them. These are the 'war dreams'. No, I will not say they are true. I will say I have had them over and over for decades now. I will say sometimes I cannot tell if they are true or not. I will not say I understand why I have them, how I get them, or anything. And I certainly do not understand how they intrude on my waking time, sometimes to devastating effect on my mood, psyche, or ability to live. The therapy I received for 'general disassociation' helped immensely (they could not call it ptsd because my records show no combat training, let alone active duty participation). While that is probably true... the dreams still remain, if more like a few times a month, or at worst several days to a week at a time a few times a year.

I suppose, since it is safe to assume that these dreams are not real (at least legally and probably logically), I can write them without there being a breech of any law, protocol, or honor system. Or, that is what I am thinking. Though it would be interesting to hear what others think. It would be REALLY nice to hear if anyone has any objections or could see a real potential problem with doing this. Anyone, anyone... Bueller, Bueller. Where is Bueller?

Well, good night, Primrose...