Hmm.

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I don't think the new medicine will work out. I am feeling the lungs fill. I'm not choking for breath but I am coughing more, again. And... I can tell. I've even been taking in less water. The problem is, at the level of diuretic I was on, my kidney function was showing up as a problem. I guess we will have to tinker with things. Still, I will take this regimen a few more days to give it a chance.

I did the dropper of oil last night, in my ears, to begin moistening them for my attempt at home ear wax removal. The suggested time was a week of drops and then trying the bulb syringe and water to extricate the plug. Being dry here, I have considered a few extra days of oil treatment. But that it is oil and not water, perhaps not. I simply am not sure so I am thinking a week will be fine.

Sleep has been unattainable. I am not sure if the change in medicine, the change in weather, or something else is to blame. I will simply go a little slower until I can sleep. It is frustrating because the kitchen is almost done. Another good day and I will have the dishes licked. As well, another decent day and I will have the mowing completed. Plus, I would like to haul the construction materials to the coop for the roofing project before too long. I had hoped to have that completed this week but it just didn't work out.

I have seen, now, a more complete notion of what type of situation I am in. With advanced heart failure, or congestive heart failure as both names apply, in my condition (and very roughly as each individual and each trajectory of the illness is unique more than some other things) I have a 30% to 40% per year risk of death. If the medicines, at maximum, do not increase me to at least above 25% refraction ejection, then heart transplant (which I won't allow, nor bypass or open heart surgery), or some device installed (which I also won't allow), would give a very likely scenario of being put in palliative care. Even that I wouldn't allow until I am in as bad of shape as I was just in which would only occur if medicine stops helping. So, all of my apples are on the medicine cart. Well, that and my new found ability to do more, and my interest in working out, walking, biking, and whatever else I can get into. So it is pretty serious. I have faced worse odds, but like everything else, each new trial is it's own. I simply hope it all works. Then again, death is actually easier. Why I fight it, or they seem to want to sort of fight for my life, sometimes I can't be sure. But, that is my task. I guess they see it as their job.

One thing I am adding to my day pack is a set of eye covers, a "camp" pillow, and a flashlight. If I become exhausted on a hike, with those in the kit, I can always sack out for a while off the path. Just in case I push it a bit far and need a rest. It gives me a fighting chance to either get back or make do until the next day, along with some snacks and water and the rest. Same goes for biking. I'll bet I have a smaller blanket to. Well, just until I know how that all will go.

I have been avoiding blogging. I am writing about my condition, and some of the things I am doing or trying to do. But I am avoiding snark, cynicism, negativism, and some other things, mostly. I am avoiding excessive commenting. I am avoiding most other things. I don't want to become a simpering wuss feel-good guy, I don't wish to become a yes-man, but I don't want to continue with the ham-fisted, whatever I have been, either. I am not sure what else there is, so I'll read and try to just stop at that. Oh, I'll figure it out. But for now I will be keeping it simple and dry. Some of you have given exceptions, so I know that. Don't worry. I'm talking more about on the big mojo blogs, like at Vox's and Ace's and a few others.

Good night.