Ah, okay. I think I almost popped yesterday.

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I didn't realize it when it happened, and not until I had settled down quite a bit. But I think yesterday, during the hubbub, I came as close to a heart attack as I have ever been. I think, normally, when I get that bad, I have a set of things I can do to alter the proceedings. Slowing down, cooling down, blasting the CD player or turning it down (yes, loud helps sometimes), perhaps a nap, a number of things, depending on where I am, to change the flow of events. Even quiet inflective prayers help sometimes.

I also am beginning to think that exterior factors, such as work, stress, and such, sometimes only have a minor impact on when those things happen. Sometimes that will happen for absolutely no external reason. Because, as I think about things, I really haven't been working all that hard. Bending over a lot might be the biggest problem, regarding physical work. And heat was probably the biggest external stressor. And trying to shop with my mother, in the heat, while stressed, would have been the largest mental stress. Gah! I love her but she shops low, slow, and stops everywhere. But to be honest, she is a good shopper. She remembers lists she didn't bring and alternative fixes for things. I think I can do fine, but not so long, so hot, when so tired. Though too, sometimes this, like I said, happens for no reason at all. Getting home isn't quite what I used to believe it to be. I am having to switch from thinking it is mental to understanding it is merely because my body is telling me if I don't get home, it will fail.

A good night of sleep has helped me get things right. I couldn't get to bed until after midnight but I was up by 9:00. I think I slept well and fell asleep relatively quickly. My waking was nice too, starting at probably around 8:30 and slowly percolating to the 9:00 lift-off. My mother feels bad about it, because she just thought it was an emotional reaction. Now that she realizes it was a physical problem, it bothers her. From now on, if I have to go, I will have to ask her to drop everything and then come back in later or another day. I can often do that. Especially if all I have to do is drive or be the passenger.

I know she wants to go to the grocery store today. Morning or evening is best. She may also want to go somewhere else. My trick, today, will be to stop somewhere, or take a bottle of Gatorade with, though there are a few other tricks I have. When I shop, I can do it very fast (more so when I remember to bring my list). If she lets me shop, she will have what she wants in five minutes, rather than the thirty to forty five minutes she would take (but nothing, or almost nothing, from other lists gets bought). Boom, boom, done, and that actually makes shopping doable for me. A slow pace kills me, literally I am thinking now. I'm a hunter, not a gatherer. :)

I could be wrong about the heart attack. I don't really know the symptoms. Oh, sure, I have read them. I have also read real people reporting on it. I think it is completely individual. Perhaps pushing, too, is good. I don't know. I do know I will continue to work, though pace myself a bit better, if possible. It hit from my blindside, like a Mack truck though, yesterday. But I did most of the right things. I just couldn't go straight home. I'll figure it out. Anyway, Friday is when they will be looking at my arteries and such.

Have a great day.