Too much, too hot, too long.

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I got very snappy this afternoon. A culmination of many things. It was hot. I have been active every day for too long. My mother moves very slowly, looking at this and that, with no notion to buy. And finally the fact that since we were together, I couldn't just go home. I need to do that sometimes, but could not. I barked, no biting. I also apologized. But I am nearly on bed rest for a few days. I nearly passed out in Walmart. Simply put I was done. I went to the auto to wait, after letting her know, but she still took a long time to get out of there. Trapped, overheated, dehydrated, and done for.

We got home and slowly unpacked the car. I have been chugging Gatorade, which is helping. But it might be a bit before I am able to do much again. I took it to the line then way over it. Okay, I see that there is a real line which going over takes me too far out of my element to be civil. I hadn't gotten close to it before. I have always suspected, if I didn't actually know. Now I know. Feral is where going over that line takes me. Well, that and a few other lines.

We will be going to SLC Thursday. I like the place I chose to stay. There is even a large pool, more for my mother. It is relatively close to the V.A., I know the way well and it is rather straight forward. I have to be there at 6:00, so I am hoping there will be little traffic for the drive, which in heavy traffic would take no more than fifteen to twenty minutes, and ten minutes if it is light. Why the angiography scares me? First, because of what they are actually doing. Second, that after it is done I will be in critical care for four to six hours (and that is if it all works as planned). Then that they don't want me to drive for 24 hours after the procedure. But worse, they fibbed about the severity of the thing when they talked to me about it.

But more, if they do see blockage, they may well try to open in. Since I won't allow an open heart surgery, or any surgery really, if they mess up I am dead. I simply won't allow them to open me up and cripple me for life. Period. I won't even say I am truly frightened, I just know where I am coming from and they don't understand, yet. I think they were rather flip about it, and that doesn't provide much comfort. I don't like this, not at all. But it probably does need to be done, most likely just to check something off the list as a possible culprit. The good side is if they see blockage and can clear it without killing me, I might be back on my feet sooner than later. And perhaps another medicine addition might help keep it that way. It is worth a shot, but don't pull my short hairs about the potential dangers. That's all.

I went in to make sure my mom wasn't crying about my snap. It wasn't completely at her, but she got some of the splash. Actually, it wasn't all that long of a tirade either, or deep. But it was enough. A hug, a kiss, and another apology. Just so she knows. I know how heart-breaking that anger can be. She seems good. I got her a glass of ice-water and asked if she needed anything else. Nope, just reading until she can sleep and good for the night. But she does seem "good" about it. Even around the edges. We do seem to hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily my snap was short, if deep. Ugh.

Almost time for bed. The fan is going, the Gatorade is helping, nighttime medicines are down, Sam is enjoying popos attention and Sassy is... being the nutball she likes to be. All good. Good night.