I have been thinking about women.

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No guff, as my friend likes to say. But, I mean in the right way. I have been pondering the question if there might actually be a woman out there for me. Oh, sure, I might be dieing. We will know more after the angiography, and more still after we get my medicines fully up to level and have it there for three months. But I will say this, I don't think I am going to die anytime soon, barring an accident. And, I will wait to know for sure before actively beginning any possible pursuits. No, I am discussing thinking about whether there really are any woman I myself could tolerate to associate with enough to possible end up marrying.

While it seems, since I write about women often, that I do think there are women out there. The truth is I have been quite agnostic about whether there is a woman out there I could handle handling. We live in a crass world these days. Women have decided, in many cases, to take the crassness of men and distort themselves and publicly in such a way as to make the crassest of men seem tame. There are women who, just by what they wear, make this old (if retired at it) horn-dog blush. And more, women are turning into men altogether. But I have been thinking on the proposition anyway.

I started thinking, are there any women I have met or know, regardless of their availability or their ability to fit into my requirements, whom I would marry. As my mind went around, considering the many women I have met recently, I considered them top to bottom, side to side, and inside out. I found about five women with potential and one I definitely would consider. Now, my consideration comes from brief conversations and my sense of the woman as a human. While any woman could satisfy my natural instincts, few would pass muster beyond that. I have to be able to like her, up front, and easily, because it gets much more difficult after that. I would call it a natural affinity, based on some qualities. A humble, kind, generous, abiding, submissive, yet strong nature is required. There is a feel, or a click, when I am near such a woman.

Okay, so now that I suspect there are some women I could not only tolerate, but enjoy, being around, the question goes to other areas. Is she or would she be willing to become Catholic? Can she have children and would she do so? Can she be trusted in the long run? Hell, in the short run? But that is a whole other set of questions. That has nothing to do with whether there really is even a woman that I would consider taking as a wife.

Hopefully as I begin going to Church and it becomes known that a reformed alpha (or, that's the story, one way or the other) is open to finding a good woman I will be forced into fight or flight and will be tricked into enough calm to be trapped. Doh! Bachelorhood made me write that, in... those words. I meant to say, that with the story that a bachelor with some potential is looking for the right woman, perhaps someone knows a woman who might fit the profile and, you know, make introductions. I will also let it be known that I don't take hints. At all. I am nearly perfectly incapable of taking a hint, and I mean to be. Having a single, available, right woman sit beside me in Church for the next ten thousand years would never lead to anything save two dusted seats. Arrangements have to be made, with notifications, a letter of intent (signed, sealed, notoried), and permission slips from both parents and maybe grandparents might be required as well. Just... thinking and saying.

Actually, as I hear it, Adam couldn't take a hint either. Want to hear the story? Okay, fine, since you insist.

'God, of course, made Adam. After God had Adam name all of the animals, and seeing that none were fit to be Adam's mate, and that Adam was lonely, God decided to create him a mate. So God crafted Eve from a rib of Adam, in order that blood of one's blood would bind the two. After doing so, God watched from afar, then closer, closer, then He set aside His God-Nintendo to spend most of His time checking on the two. Nothing was happening, and I mean nothing.'

'So God decided that a small intervention might be critical. God was patient, but Jesus was getting better at the Nintendo, maybe up to God the Father's own level, and He needed to get back up there before He lost His standing. So He calls Adam over and suggests that Adam, while reclining with Eve, put his arm around her shoulder, hoping a little contact would lead to their being fruitful. Adam agrees, happily, and does as suggested. But, that's it. Nothing happens beyond that.'

'Disappointed, God calls Adam back and suggests he kiss Eve once in a while. Adam goes over to Eve, puts his arm around her shoulder... then just sits there. He then comes back to God and asks, "What is "kiss", Father?". So God explains. Ah, good. Adam returns to Eve, puts his arm around her, and kisses her. Throughout their time cuddling, Adam kisses her once in a while. Nothing progresses.

'Again, God calls Adam back over. He decides to suggest another intermediary step, as He wants Adam to simply figure things out on his own. So God suggests that, beside hugging and kissing, that Adam always touch eve, caress her body. Adam agrees immediately, and goes back to Eve, settles in, then looks confused. He comes back to God and asks, Lord, what is caressing? God, again, explains the basics. Ah, fine. Adam goes back and does all of these things over time. Nothing advances beyond that point.'

'Finally God decides it is time for the whole "birds and bees" speech. So He calls Adam over again. This time God suggests that Adam make love to Eve, so that they might bear God some grandchildren. Of course, Master, Adam says. And again he returns to Eve. Again he looks lost and confused, and returns to ask God what this "making love" is and how to do it. God almost thumps His head with an open palm, but stays His hand. He then explains it to Adam as if to a child. Ah, of course, right to it, Father. And off he goes. He settles in with Eve, then begins his play. All of a sudden, he looks lost and confused again. He again rises and heads over to God. God is a bit perplexed this time, He knows He explained everything, explicitly. Adam gets to God, finally, and asks... Father? What is a headache?'

Never mind. But, the idea about not taking a hint IS IN there.

I had, at one time, a Mormon ask me about women and marriage. I was quite honest with them. I said I wouldn't mind marrying a Mormon women, but that I was so powerful I would convert her in a heartbeat. And I mean that. If she is a solid Mormon, she knows who the husband is, religiously. She knows what he does for the family. This would not be a surprise (to her). So she would, most likely, either not entertain the notion of marrying a strongly religious man outside of her faith or be prepared to change. He... did look at me sideways. I think he had some notion that my want of a wife might induce change. I am not sure he has met such faith. Oh, don't think my faith is anything of a personal power. It was a gift, one I have nourished to my fullest capacity (humble and weak as that is, in truth, but there it is), that is all. I thank God for it, but I take no credit for it. None, responsibility, aye, but not credit. A gift, and a pretty one. My finest gift, ever.

Anyway, the thing is, now I at least believe there is the possibility that a Mrs. Doom exists. I need to start shaking bushes, looking under furniture, checking closets, and shooing her out into the open. Only the Lord knows why she hides from me, it is I who am in trouble. Perhaps she is trying to spare me the rod, you know how soft women are. Ha! Oh, don't even look at me like that. No crossed eyes or wrists on hips allowed. Such bluster goes nowhere with this man who knows women as I do! If you are a woman, any woman, you know XACTLY what I am talking about, so hush it, you! And any man knows exactly what I mean too. Wolverines they are, shoving even grizzly bears aside or chasing us off, often just for fun I think. Or like the bunny in Monty Python, the one that killed a bunch of knights as the rest of them "Run away, run away!". Though they don't kill, they do worse! They make us live forever just to make sure "until we die" becomes a blessing. I hope the Lord is kind to me, in this regard. But I think even He has His hands tied when it comes to women. (And thankfully, I think He did this to Himself or otherwise He would have destroyed them for pestering His sons so! :O :P :) Or destroyed us to stop the whining! :)

Just... toying with notions and laughing at the scary scenarios. Ignore the blogger gimp in the corner making faces at the sun and howling at the moon and even daring to think disparaging thoughts about the invisible woman he may well marry. Hush, you!