There is that too.

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I went to sleep so that waking at 14:00 was reasonable. But I have been pushing everything with little sleep, longer hours, activities (considering), dehydration, and little food. Here I sit, barely awake, at 19:10. I set the alarm for 14:00 and heard it but only woke enough at 13:43 to shut if off. What a weird, hard, deep, mishmashed sleep though. I'm not sure if it was good or bad, it feels like a mix of the two, like the rides at the fair that were an absolute thrill and scared you happily but left you on the edge of losing everything you ate for the last three years! He's gonna blow captain, run away, run away fast! I'm still reeling from the event. I think it was better than not, and needed too.

The only dream I remember was a real kick in my tenders. Oh, I knew the truth of it at all times, I just hate looking at it so bluntly. To know there is a sun, and like it, also means you don't necessarily stare at it. Over and over, various problems were outlined in skits. The two themes I remember being in numerous skits each I can only briefly describe. In the first, I noticed sales going forward. People of mean means, average income folks, and the rich were trying to obtain things they needed or things that they were required to obtain for societal purposes. One man was buying groceries, a poorer man was buying wedding rings so his son might be able to marry, and a list of other sales scenes. And then I was able to tell the actual price the merchant had paid for those items, and I knew in a few cases the merchant knew he was selling inferior-for-the-price items, with a straight face. This is an irritating part of capitalism. Though do not be fooled into thinking socialism or communism don't support, and more so, these same things in their own ways. The next series of scenes were police involvements with citizens. For the most part I am a law and order sort. Many of these scenes were just fine, typical, as they could and should happen events. But some of them were of the worst sorts. And, yeah, that happens. It was just an irritating, true, but side issue dream. I think there were many other types of scenarios, but those are the ones I remember. Yeah, a dream that took everything I pretty much believe in and shoved my nose in the worst aspects of it. Heh. I don't mind. And... I know. But I still believe in what I believe.

Hmm, I seem to have been busy blogging yesterday. Oh well. I couldn't get much else going and was trying to stay up, so when I push myself and don't have much else to do that I can do, blogging is something to do, along with research. I was trying to stay up so as to get good sleep, though it looks like I overdid the staying awake and then overdid sleeping. Ah well, I do try. It is difficult to play this game of life just so with such sandbags that I posses with no intent or even guilt. Simply, there they are. But I am not complaining. God has tended me far better than I deserve. This is truer then the last statement. I... came out ahead. And perhaps I have learned humility for it, or some humility, I think. A good trade in real terms.

Has anyone noticed that as you age your understanding of money expands greatly (irrelative to economic factors, just assume the dollar was and always will be worth exactly the same for this exercise). When I was young, even before health issues became apparent, money was so different. Oh, sure, I knew of cars and houses and tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, billions, and trillions of dollars out there. It just wasn't real to me. Even if I had it, or when I had it, it was something of a tool, a cold hard thing like a hammer. None of it was pertinent to my life. Now, as I drive a vehicle that involves those amounts and type this sitting in a house that involves even more, those numbers all become just a little more real. They are a part of my life, and perhaps a little bit of who I am. I wonder, if I live long enough, if those numbers will eventually shrink from my conscious understanding again? I don't think it is a moral issue, though, not in my case or most others. It is just there. Later.