Embarrassing.

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Oh, I know. You have to be old or have health problems, right? After I got home, and was changing, I realized I smelled a little 'rough'. I had showered before taking my friend shopping, and that was just a few hours before dinner. Now, I did sit for some time after dinner before going to bed, so perhaps the odor developed after dinner. And I was wearing some of those funky new under wear, those techy material ones (which seem to foster odor much more quickly than cotton). But I was mortified. You know that smell as you pass an old person who doesn't or can't do peri-care, parineal care, well? Yeah. Fresh pants too, I check my clothes often for this reason. While I shower often, and more often for this reason, it can happen quickly, seemingly without provocation such as gas or a bm. I think, because I have blood pressure that is so high that medical people have said they have never seen blood pressure that high with someone who isn't having a stroke or heart attack and even on meds it's rather high, that some parts of my body have worn. I still laugh when they see it that high, look into my eyes, then listen to my passive (if sometimes quick) heartbeat to make sure I am not just... seemingly well. Nope, not a dead fish, they might as well sigh out.

So, I called the man who invited me to dinner. I begged apology and suggested I had showered just a few hours beforehand and thought I was good still. I don't know if I smelled bad at dinner. It is a terrifying thing. But to be sure they didn't think I was being careless or thoughtless, I had to... well... clear the air. I know if I invited someone to a meal and they... smelled funky... I might be of the mind that either they are very ill, infirm, or... corrupt. While I am ill, sometimes to infirmity, and I have let people know, I don't look it. And a foul smell and high blood pressure and heart problems might not seem to go together. (I am just theorizing with 'worn parts', mind you, but it is the only thing I can imagine.) Even my doctors take a double take when first meeting me, after only having read my charts. I've even had them, personally, check to make sure I was who the records indicate I am. I don't look sick. And in this world, seeing is believing, over and above expressed knowledge. Anyway, I was afraid to make the call but felt compelled. I explained the blood pressure and the theory about 'worn out parts' as well. It is done. He said he didn't notice anything, but... well, he is a guy. Perhaps his wife did. I am sure they will discuss it. If she noticed something, perhaps this will put her mind to ease. Women notice everything, especially mothers. :p

A quick shower then off to Mass. Life can be so harsh. It is said God gives to those who do, and not only doesn't give but takes even what little those who won't have should they fail to capitalize on their talents (of whatever nature that talent takes, time, special abilities, treasure... part of my reasoning for why God is for capitalism (in a certain form)). Perhaps since I have not managed what I have, even more is taken? Or perhaps this is just the nature of illness, a gift of choice and knowledge. I guess I have to go with the latter, because God knows I have done all I can with what I had to go on from poor medical advice, diagnostics, and treatment I have received. Bah. On to a shower and Mass. I have promised myself dinner out, on the cheap albeit, for making Mass tonight and tomorrow morning. Treats work with every pet and lady friend I have ever had. Doesn't have to be huge, my ladies have loved going for a sundae or a drive or to a *gag* chick flick. Gag, indeed, but sometimes the gag is worth her efforts on a project, to encourage certain behaviors, or to let her know she is still the hottest woman on my planet. Why not use my own carrot and stick schtick on myself? Hey, people just want to please and serve, if at different levels, the level at which we can offer what we have. That is what I like to do, if I would prefer to work at my highest levels which isn't possible so getting to Mass is it. Why not use that system on myself?

Good day.