Women.

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Dr. Helen opened a can of worms, sort of. And with women on my mind, as usual, I have been chewing on the fat provided. There are general understandings, things more common to most men. And there are things that might be more singular to me, no two men are completely alike. I am not sure I can or will separate the two, if some differences might become obvious up front.

First, what makes women attractive to me, and they are to varying degrees, must be looked at. I don't think there are absolutes. I have been very attracted to women other men seem to find unattractive and I don't always find models all that attractive. Because of something that has changed in me, if a woman is not fertile and willing in the proper relationship to be so, I don't find the woman attractive. That may be a unique thing to me, or something normal which has been lost in a world of porn. I didn't have it when I was younger, at least not consciously. I gained this as I turned 35 or so. Beyond that, what attracts me to a woman is her interest in me. If she simply isn't interested, or is otherwise taken, it won't work. I have, in the past, won such women over. At this time I am not interested in working all that hard.

Okay, physically, I do have preferences. While I don't like bone skinny, I do like a woman to have a figure, up to plush but not beyond. She has to look feminine, girl-child looks just aren't my thing, nor are women so large they become androgynous. That leaves quite a lot of room. As for height, being rather tall, most women are petite. While petite is attractive, a 6'3" woman is still petite to me. Small women, in the 4'8" to 5'2" range sort of spook me. While attractive, they become fragile near me. And as for beauty, as I have suggested, I like what I like and that at times is quite different from what other men like. She either strikes me or she doesn't.

Dr. Helen wondered if what we see as attractive, or beautiful, or however you wish to term it, whether that is instinctive or based on modern media. For my part, I have to think it is something other than modern media. I am not sure, however, that it is based on instinct either. Initially, perhaps, there was instinctual behavior involved, much like with food preferences. As I aged, however, I learned to like different things. With food, bitter became a joy. Cabbage, brussels sprouts, and many other things have come to be greatly favored. With women, distinctive looks and "feel" (not physical touch, but a sense of the woman psychically, intellectually, or something) which is beyond mere beauty, a distinct sexuality that intrigues me, and other things have become a part of my interest in a particular woman. My tastes have changed, but I can't believe it is instinct. I would say it has more to do with having been with enough women that... something makes sense that is not clearly visible to the naked eye.

And, now, as I finally stepped into the Church, and opened my life to God as fully as I may, something else has happened. I don't fully understand this aspect, save that it has something to do with opening myself to God's will and whatever that does to a man. It does change things.

I also know that I will have to play a large part in keeping a woman attractive to me, should I find a wife. And I know that beauty will fade, even if she never changed. If men want a perpetually beautiful wife, they have to learn to love the woman, to guide her a bit by letting her know what strikes his cords. Sometimes this is done verbally, like letting her know that long hair is attractive. Sometimes it is done by showering her with attention or gifts when she emotes beautiful or attractive traits. Most men have no idea how powerful they are with their woman. I know. And I don't mind using it. I feel sorry for men who lose attraction to their woman, actually I feel sorry for both of them. It is the opposite of when men believe women can't be pleased, or expect them to just "know". But worse in the sense that men can lead women through that. Men can make up a woman's mind if not always in the way they directly think, or as a once and always thing. Those doubts and questions a woman bring? They are just seeking truth, through you. Don't fail yourself through failing your woman.

Anyway... Go have a wonderful day. And find some pretty woman, hopefully yours, to smile at. The Lord knows that fills my day. He sure gave us a lot of them too, to enjoy life with, both knowingly and not. If she isn't your love, treat her like your mother, sister, or daughter. That is, if you know how to do that right.