Do you ever feel like a fool?

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Don' even look at me like that, Lucy.

Of course I'm a fool. Not a stupid fool, not a clown fool, not even usually an ignorant fool. I don't even mean socially, though I will take that notion when or if it fits, if you can prove it to my satisfaction. Not being a social climber or embedded into a closed society such as academia, I don't adhere to the notions there so I will be considered foolish since I refuse to wear the 'king with no clothes' ideological vestments that are often seen on display in such circles. No, I just mean that no matter how hard I try, I do fail in logic. Simply, even if the notion of, say, a particularly well worked conspiracy theory is, and even if it is backed with good information and solid logic, and lets say further that the theory is on the right track, without inside information I might well be barking up the tree planted to divert me from the true raison d'être of the group I am espying and theorizing concerning. But it doesn't just have to be conspiracy theories.

Further, my mind takes all known data points and comes to quick conclusions. At least I realize these hasty logic sketches are just that. I don't take them for absolute fact, just a temporary rationalization for my own purposes. Much like an artist who does a sketch merely to rough in an outline for a later painting. We both know the outline is incomplete and incorrect in ways, but is enough to work with. Further, we both know even our finished products will not be perfect. Still, in an absolute world, a world some of my aspect attempts to find, create, associate within, I realize the foolishness of it all, and myself.

A little man who can't even always get out of bed who wishes to live in the ideal? Well, yes. Hush. I suppose I still have enough of Adam's DNA to 'remember' Eden? Though too, I see something interesting. You do realize that, in Adam's time and before the fall, there was dirt, right? Which means fruits would get spotted, there probably were worms in some fruit, vegetables would get old, etc. And yet men once lived in a time where what was... was perfect. They made what we might consider flawed perfect in who they were and how they were. I sometimes see that, even today, in our very imperfect world and our striving for perfection in so many ways. Ask yourself this, what would Adam, before sin, do with a dirty car, house? Or Eve, take your pick. How would they vote? Would there be a need for a vote? Never mind that last question, just think about the others.

Fool? Yes. At times.

Hmm, it is just passing 5:00. I am doing well, so far. I am hoping to stay up for a Sunday Mass! Woot! No guarantees. It's five hours off, I need a shower, I have to stay awake till then, it will be spooky close. How many people are excited to get to go to Church, right through suffering to get there? At least I don't consider that part of my foolish aspect. Anyway, if I make it to Mass, I hope to get to the store. I need a few things and they might have just what I need.

I need to begin eating right again. Small meals, several times a day. I am trying to drink water more than anything else, and so far so good there, surprisingly to me. I will begin taking medicines again this morning (I hope they don't shut me down, though they may until I get used to them again). Like a cat clinging to a branch way above the ground, having just figured out precisely where she is, I am holding on. Unlike the cat, I see a way down... if... I... can... just... pull... my... claws... out! *grins* Well, and pull my courage and will to act forward into the locked and loaded condition. *meow*

Good day.