Late, but...

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If you can't sleep, you don't.

I've been thinking about some things.  Until recently, I wasn't even sure of how I might approach a woman.  You know what though?  When I saw one I wanted to take and made up my mind, the how, when, and such never crossed my mind.  And I didn't hem and hah about it.  I just, while talking to her, asked my question.  Oh, sure, I had cover.  I always did, always will.  A way in, a bit of fluff as ruse, and a way out if it all went wrong.  I also had little invested, save curiosity.  Now to find several women to approach.  The trick is being out enough to even bump into a woman I find attractive and then nailing down whether she is available.  I'm working on that.

The other thing that has been on my mind has been about children.  What do I want from sons?  Daughters?  About daughters I can be very brief.  I would hope to have girls who grow to be women, wives, and mothers.  Young women who remain virgins until marriage is the ideal.  I know little else about girls and women.  Sons though, yes.  I do hope to have at least one son who goes on to become a capable warrior.  Not a soldier, a man who can be given an objective, the tools and training, and can do what must be done, even if it hurts him in... the many ways hard things can.  What would I give him, what would I try to give him that would make him better than me?  A moral compass from the beginning.  A home to retreat to if needed.  Moral ambiguity can't be completely avoided, it can be... mitigated.  A second son?  I do hope for a priest.  Between those sons my life would be fulfilled.  And yet I know, children aren't born to fulfill parents.  Still, those would be what I would secretly hope to develop in my boys.  Two very different means of service and sacrifice.

I keep thinking about a song from days gone by.  And, I still agree with it.  There are songs like it in Country, top-40, and of course my fringe stuff.  But thinking of it as a potential father, the thing takes on a whole different light.  I would not want my sons or daughters following any of my tracks.  At least I think I could help that, if I could live long enough that they, especially sons but to some degree daughters, not be raised by their mother alone.  It's often potentially worse if she marries again, at least unwisely.  I would figure out how to stay above ground, too.  I've done much harder things in my life.  The song?  Ah, here.  At least this father could bang heads right back, and harder.

Interesting how life changes, depending on what side of things you are on? Good night.