Okay, well, it is as it is.

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Or. sob!  What is going on?  I tried to get up this morning.  I set my alarm for 10:00 but hoped to rise earlier.  And, technically, I did.  I woke right at 8:00, as I had hoped.  Seeing that I was have a rough time waking, I stirred and tried this and that.  Too, I promptly crashed back into the bed at the speed of sleep.  I woke again at 9:00, 10:00 with the alarm which I reset to 11:00, 11:00 with the alarm, 12:00 at which time I reset the alarm again.  I was finally to kick out of bed at slightly after noon and after resetting the alarm and crawling back to bed for a bit.  Son but this has been a difficult few days.

No, no real worries.  I know this will happen.  I know I pushed very hard for a week and a half.  And I am still doing some very small things.  This is better than some falls, for sure.  But I need to do things currently, it isn't just want.  I need to relax a bit, back off the pushing, and just let it happen I think.  It is want/need versus physical constraint, my literal place between a rock and a hard place.  It just has to be suffered since it can't be changed.  It is this struggle that lead me to suicide, not depression, in the past, so it is difficult.  But I have learned to handle it and stay on the sane side, I just haven't ever learned to like it.  *grins*  I suppose this is why those sad/gothic songs can give me a wide ol' rictus grin while others merely cry and then avoid listening until they need drama again.

I am feeling good.  My home is warm this morning.  I won't complain about that.  Hmm?  Maybe God is trying to beat me into a plow, but my form is too set?  My but He is using a big hammer, if that is true!  I'm pretty good at dodging, just not perfect at it?  Way too funny.  A good waking up brain funny, that whole notion.

Sam was let out at 8:00 and is back in.  I let her back in when I woke, then fed the girls then myself.  I hope to get a shower before too long, then begin picking at my bedroom if I can.  If nothing else just sorting the clean socks and such would at least make me feel better.  A little bit done makes doing more easier.  It's not even that the work is hard.  It is focusing enough to simply get up and do it.  Though I think my body is rather tired, worn, even if I can't see it as a man who is winded from a run can.  It is humbling, but there is something to humility... it definitely helps one understand their place in the galaxy, among men, and with God.  It is one of the gifts of illness.

Well, on to walking a bit then seeing what I can get done today.
?Die Sonne scheint mir aus den Augen?

I did get some blogs up in the sidebar, some new, some old, some revised.  Thanks for the reminder, M.K.  Oh, and I know I asked the question in German wrong.  I'm just not awake enough to bother.  I got the statement correct, I think, though.  So... hush it.  Good day!