How odd. Vacation you say?

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With nothing to concentrate upon I find myself shutting down.  Here it is, 20:15, and I may be going to bed.  My mind isn't spinning it's wheels trying to figure out how to... do anything.  I will simply allow sleep and wakefulness to happen as they will.  I have never been a lay-about, per se.  While my flesh sometimes commands rest, and sometimes I have chosen a bit more sleep if I believed it necessary, I generally rise as soon as I can, spiffy or not.  My guess is that will be true even on my vacation.  Some things will not change, cannot change.

The difference between now and any time before in my life is huge.  I am finally to a place, disability and all, where I can truly rest a bit.  I don't own a house, I have a home.  I am not religious, I am on the path to salvation.  I don't have enough to eat, I have stores of food should they be needed.  None of it is perfect, or finalized, nor will it be until I am laid to peace for my part and within this world.  But the clarity of simply living, enjoying, doing...  I finally have it, here on earth, and in preparation for the big time.  I wonder how much good I can do here, in what time is left?  For I am truly rich in all ways that matter to me, I have been blessed with a unique form of wisdom, and I am a master of my illness in that I live with it not against it.  Even pain and suffering have uses at this point.

I never thought I would bring a bit of heaven to earth.  I didn't think it was possible.  But I tell you, that is what I have done.  Not without Graces, for sure I did not know heaven of my own accord.  Not without leaning on God like a lame man leans on his crutch.  Not without many people bolstering me in ways I would never have imagined.  But... I see clearly that is how it was meant to be and how it will be, always.  Though I do believe, in time, after heaven, we will be given much of that to own.  Children of God, all grown up.  But... that is just a possibility, if a probability.  While I look forward to that day, I do not let one day go without enjoying it here and now.  Almost, in a way, as if I was allowed to go back to the gentler, more ignorant and innocent days of grade school.  By coming back I get to be sentimental about life, but as I live it.  It is interesting, to me, as I think about it this way.

Yes, rest.  I think I shall sleep quite well tonight.  Tomorrow and the next day might find me casting about for something useful to do with this newfound oddity called free time.  I might even try my hand at reading again?  I wonder about model building?  Perhaps a puzzle?  It has been so long since I haven't been so focused on getting to things that...  Well, we will see.  Good night.