Up and down, though bounce is natural.

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Moving a little slower.  Yesterday was a pretty weak showing too.  I'm not back to suggesting dirt be kicked back over my life.  And I don't think it will get to that point.  I'm on the rebound.  As I suggested though, there will be better days and there will be worse days.  If you are into graphs, think of yesterday, and the start of today, as a local low in a regional high.  I'm not sure what I will get done, hopefully a few things though.  I'm still weak from getting out of the last and long regional low though, too.  I always, when I get better, think I can just run and jump like in better days.  I forget that I have to get used to having my feet under me again.  I can wear myself out, which might be part of this.  It'll come together soon, patience is the key.

My Serrano peppers where high enough to transplant by later yesterday.  The Tai peppers look to be well on their way.  They grow so fast in a day once they are up though!  It absolutely amazes me.  The jalapeno plants will only see me to about ten plants, maybe a few more.  The Serrano and Tai peppers are putting out almost a full plant to seed ratio.  But my poor habanero seeds have still only yielded one plant for the thirty seeds I set in.  One!  Gah!  I will give those another few days then replant.  *shrug*

I dreamed last night.  Some might call it a good dream.  Lots of women in it.  Actually, most of them if I recall rightly.  It was about all the women I loved and left.  It was about sex, the chase, the catch, sex, the betrayal, sex, and then the next one.  I didn't know how to get off that merry-go-round.  The trick, I had been taught, was to not get caught.  The lie inherent in that line of reasoning is that you will get caught.  I didn't get the memo.  And on it went.  I do have a great deal of cynicism regarding love from that.  I know how some parts of it work, like a Swiss watch in a master's hand, up to a certain point.  I don't know... uhrm, how to get caught?

That is why I quit playing.  The goal is to... figure things out the right way.  I do want a family, a wife, children.  I enjoy women.  But I know too much?  I play to win, and can?  I knew enough to let the good girls walk.  Not just because I didn't want to simply and asymmetrically use them, but I knew they didn't know enough to defend themselves.  Or perhaps just because they didn't understand how the game worked.  Playing checkers with a child for sport is no fun either.  Don't know, just... digging through it all as I wake.  Pouting, a bit, too.  I would almost trade it all to be a simple, married with children, beta or other.  Even if I often look down on that, as with my neighbor I hold some new found respect for it too, or now.  The thing is, I am what I am and I have to work with that.  Never le mind.  I'll... figure it out.  Leg on the left mind, God on the right brain, me stuck right in the middle. 

Well, on to... something.

Yeah, a bit more music.

In my beginning.


The best of the worst. Plus a... nod to Voxivillia.  Rabbits just don't get it.

They are cuddly though.

My cynicisms expressed.


There is always potential, there could be something better, right, good, yet.

A moment in a wistful, potential, future?


And while this isn't the whole of it... not even the majority of it, and really just a bit player... It ain't a bad part to keep in mind. Not that this has ever been an issue.  Takes care of itself.  Just... fleshing out the dream in music.