Bruised.

.
.
As I more fully wake I am more able to assess the problem.  Bruised.  My heart, that is, as if I was kicked, center mass, by a mule.  I've had this happen before.  I've not had it drag me through hell and back.  Not since I first became sick.  Beyond physically falling, my mind has gone to dark places.  Ghosts, real or imagined, events that trouble my mind greatly, and being consumed by darkness.  Whether that was some sort of way of struggling against death, or reliving of the darker parts of a very dark life as many who relive their life in a flash before they are about die, I don't know.  The thing is, that didn't happen, or hasn't happened yet.  But the chest hurts.  Not a sharp pain, more like a deep hard bruise.  Right to the bones.  Some of you know exactly what that is like.

I will take a few days off, or at least at a very low and slow pace.  But I've got to tell you, this isn't a sign of surrender.  For me to live, or die, I will have to continue at the pace I was taking things.  Either my heart will figure it out and catch on, or I will die.  I have faith that, either way, it would be as it should be.  Yes, after a few days of recovery, I need to hit it just as hard.  Although I think I should probably watch for the signs, and even if I can push that far past, perhaps not yet.  Even if that means breaking a promise.  Still, this gives me some leg room in a real emergency.  I can be pretty sure it won't kill me.  That's enough time to get out of the way and find a safer place to be, probably even on foot if need be.

I will finish the dishes, and the laundry, and if I still have a bit of resting energy, I might begin clearing the living room.  Just sorting papers, books, and such, tossing old mail and whatever else.  If the microwave stand shows up, I may, slowly, assemble the thing.  I just won't wrestle it together as I usually do.  Or maybe that will happen tomorrow.  Depends on how I am doing.  I am low, but I'm not out of it, completely, mentally, physically, or spiritually.  And, again, I am amazed.  Hmm...  I think I deserve breakfast.  Another omelet sounds good.  Especially since I don't have to fry all the fixings.  I have left-over fried onion and mushroom.  Grating a bit of cheese would be good though.

The first omelet I made was good.  My one failing was timing when to add the extras.  Gotta do that right into the goop of the top, uncooked side, then flip it.  Hey, it's probably the first omelet I have made, at least in decades.  At least that I remember, memory being what it is.  I'd like to work with making hashbrowns, but that is a road too far with what else I have going on and my condition.  Perhaps later in the week.  Still, it would be might tasty with the omelet.  Hmm....  You know, I might bake several potatoes, let them cool, and run them through the processor.  I really want hashbrowns with my omelet!  Bleh... there I go again.

Later.