Much closer to the land of the living.

.
.
Oh, that was fun!  It's been an ancient age since I could get that close and still remember.  Exhilarating.  Uhrm, not that I am going to press that... until I more fully recover.  Then, yes, I will begin pushing again.  The trick, for me, isn't to trip over and die, mind you.  It is to push beyond my limits through a sustained tumble through and past reason.  It is to use everything I have, and then some, and then as much more as possible.  The goal, actually, is to create pockets of reserve, but test them and push even those.  It is what I was born and breed to do.  With my condition, I realize there is a much greater risk.  But too, I was born to take risks.

To many, in my health poverty condition, they don't see how betting the few pennies I have available could mean anything.  But I remind you, a mite or several was enough to impress Christ and shame men of great wealth.  For though both are of little sum, they are all that is owned.  If you bet with dollars but have access to hundreds, or thousands, of potential... you are risking nothing.  I am risking it all and the game itself.  I see men around here who bet it all, if they don't risk their lives doing it.  Honestly, that is as much as a man who has tied himself to a family can and should do.  But I see it often.  Some look down on me, not understanding that raking, or dishes, or putting a piece of furniture together, would be akin to them working hard for three days.  They don't realize, when I stack tasks, I don't just push my capacity, I risk my life.

I think I can grow past where I am.  How much past is a question that will just have to be solved.  I didn't think I would be able to do anything like what I am doing.  Or that when I fell that I could land so softly, upright, without too much complaint.  Still, a day or two more of rest, or really whatever it takes.  I mean to push, and risk, not debilitate, not end.  I will risk ending life, I just won't try to do so.  Which is fair enough.  Life, all by itself, is risk.  A worthy one.  I mean to live it.

What, though, today?  I still want to kick out the dishes, finish the laundry, and maybe hit the rolling cabinet... get it put up and transfer the microwave and other minor kitchen appliances to it.  I might be able to do it today, if that is exactly what I thought yesterday.  I wasn't able to eat last night, so I have dinner for this morning.  I don't need to cook.  Oh, and I looked up how most people suggest making hashbrowns.  Most of them seem to use raw potatoes, but soak them, several times through the process, in order to remove the starch.  Yeah, okay.  Sometime this week I may give them another shot.  I will use up the hashbrowns I made, first, throughout the week, to see if I can get them to brown.  They probably simply contain too much starch to brown well?  Live and learn, which is what the procedure was designed to enhance.

First, though, a bit of time to wake up.  Later.