Dreams, imagination, and a new day.

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Yeah, I didn't make much headway on changing my schedule.  I had it all planned.  Up a little longer since I couldn't go to sleep early.  All I needed to do was *zzz*.  *Bam*  Didn't even see that coming.  No idea when, though I don't think I stayed awake as late today as even yesterday or the day before.  *Bam*  Well, okay, on the way down, I did actually read that one freebee history book.  Don't know why he bothers argue with an academic, especially a female one.  They are chosen specifically because they can ignore the facts all their senses perceive, which would be fine as a starter.  But then they are taught to believe anything but the truth.  And women, when they choose it, can do it to levels no man can.  Even the unholy trinity don't seem to believe all their own crap.  Just making a little money from it is all.  And the morons who eat their stuff up don't have the capacity to know the difference, just looking for emotional comfort in their faux stoicism.  Has to suck to be lower on the male scale.  I guess they have to have something, since thumbsucking is poo-poo'ed, even by their own.

Anyway... Dreams.  It wasn't a constant, or seeming all-night thing.  Just frequent.  Whimsical things.  I don't remember anything, other than that I enjoyed them immensely.  It's as if I were a cheese lover, dreams being cheese, and I was at a large cheese tasting fair.  Then, I didn't stuff myself but sated my physical appetites just so, correctly.  Plus, every type I tried ending to be both new to me and pleasant of the highest form of goodness.  Mild, simple, grand, surprises of, in a way, my own choosing.  Such a night of dreaming is good for ridding ghosts and memories which haunt a soul... for a little while.

I do remember being called imaginative, as if to dismiss me, my stories.  Oh, I understood.  From a distance, especially from someone who is quite imaginative but with limited life experiences, I may seem that way.  Especially being gimped up, so seeming incapable, at times, of having done and seen what my blog might project, I understand.  Test as you may, you will find underneath it all that these things are not just smoke.  Very few have done and seen and gone where I have gone.  Fewer yet survive.  It's just the way of it.  From personal combat, to seeing things few men have seen, to loving as if there was no tomorrow because that really wasn't expected, to other such.  I have lived deeply, darkly, but brightly in various ways too.

Once you have survived against the seeming reals of fate, tested your metal, tasted more of your own blood than you could possibly spill of others, climbed peaks, delved deeply into oceans, and done things that just aren't believable, a form of muscle... or existence... memory is created.  Much as if you learn to lift well over twice your body weight, in some ways, you will always be a strongman.  It gets into your bones and psyche.  Something fundamentally changes about you.  But for those who have lived a cautious and mild life, they cannot understand.  I didn't bother explaining this to the questioner.  I merely had a bit of sympathy for his cries for attention and mild contesting of what I suggest.  Too old, he was, to dare now if he would not dare when young.  So, just a servant, a peasant, and an unhappy one, he would remain.  Fine to be such a thing unless regrets are all that remain.  So, I simply felt sorrow for him, and some of his shame at his own cowardice.  Still, the sadness was not my own, so was not of great import.

Today?  I don't know.  I am feeling better, and have been for a while.  I am simply not able to act upon it.  Another book, trying to stay warm... my body just refuses to keep heat in.  I have been running the furnace up to 76 and I am barely staying warm there.  I have been taking medicines.  I have been eating, if mildly since I... I am simply not hungry and my system doesn't seem all that able to handle food.  I'll keep working on it.  Probably just reading today.  A new book has been chosen, another anthology, if in truth I have only read one of those so far.  Still, another.  I'll get back to housework when I can.  Not, probably, today.

Well, off to... read your blogs, see if I can find what the news is hiding or glean truths through shattered teeth of the town criers.  Liars, and cross my heart, and something hoping they die or some such.  Later.