Has anyone been run over while being gutted?

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Just seeing if that is just me.  I must have pushed every... button, edge, and limit yesterday.  I didn't end up taking a nap.  I lost track after calling my friend, but stayed awake while... waiting for what I knew not (the phone call, but I had forgotten).  I stretched, and pulled, and stayed, and... Then it was time for the meeting.  I decided to head out at 17:00, so as to have time to grab a quick meal, which I also sorely needed (no breakfast, an unusual thing lately).  I was already carrying a worsening headache, and nausea.  I thought a meal, and maybe even fresh air, might help.  If the meal helped, I did not notice.  The sun, actually, was making the thing worse.  I have been well cloistered lately.  Not only was the sun bright, leaking in on the headache to boot, it is becoming the spring sun... a more potent thing than the still winterish sun the last time I was out.

I drove to the meeting place, well early.  I realized, however, I would not make it through a meeting without something bad happening.  I was starting to see stars, my migraine was intensifying and the otc painkillers I took and food were having no positive effects, the stomach was churning so that I wasn't sure I would be keeping my food, and I was quickly losing cohesion.  Thankfully home was just a short drive away, if even that was pulling teeth to reach.  Still, I made it home, sick as I could be.  I do not remember the way things worked once home.  I think I put the vehicle away.  I am pretty sure I got out of most of my clothes.  I am certain, at some point or other, I ended up in my bedroom, on my bed... And the fan was on when I woke.  Moving air usually, for me, helps with an upset stomach.  I was beginning to suspect this was more than just having gone too far over too many lines.  Had I missed medications for a while?  I didn't think so, but...  Flu, something else?  Couldn't think.  Things that ran through a nearly fevered mind, in great pain, while trying to keep the contents of my stomach in place.  After the draino, even so many decades past, retching is still a ghastly horror that I try never to ever go through again.  Better to just die, my mind says... or something in there says.

Sleep, actually, after I could leave pains and turmoil of flesh behind, became good.  I am sure, for an hour or three, I was struggling to dive deeper and away from the horror of the physical.  Eventually I went out.  How far the pain stayed I cannot say.  I suspect I was partially aware for that first solid stretch.  And as I surfaced a bit past that.  But then...  Waking, just a bit ago, I thought all was good... at first.  Up, out, morning functions, coffee, and then here.  After just a bit of typing, some of the pain surfaced.  I was becoming horrified, as it approached slowly.  I didn't know how seriously it would return, the volume kept increasing.  It ends up that it was like a volume adjustment knob.  It came up, a little beyond what I would like... probably nerves reconnecting... then toned back down.  Just a mild, very minor, reminder and remnant.  Still, a few anacin to begin the day.

My friend did end up calling back yesterday, pretty late in the afternoon.  He sounded like he was just coming out of, or going into, a nap.  I suggested I would be in today.  Despite yesterday, at least now that I am thinking I am in the clear, I still plan on making it in.  I had thought early afternoon.  I am thinking, probably, earlier than that.  I do not want to push my day that long today.  I woke later this morning, 4:30 or so rather than the 00:30 last night.  And if a nap is doable at 8:00-9:00, I will take two hours down.  I think it was just time, and sun, and no food.  When I get used to food, it sort of becomes... needed.  Daily meals?  Who knew?  Addiction, with a nasty added bite when missed.  I don't think most of you could live like I have lived for most of my adult life.  Like living under water, just bobbing up once and a while for air and nutrients... for decades until most recently.  Mostly dead indeed.  I sort of like being, I think, now, mostly alive.  But... it's more complex to tend.  :p

Well, at least I am back up to some decent snuff already.  And still willing to push through.  I have to register for STEP today.  All good.  Oh, and write Desert Cat about any greater want or need for tickets.  Crazy lot of stuff, all at once, while I am tip-toeing between life and death.  But... it's my gig.  Been doing that for longer than I have otherwise been healthily alive, and longer than some of you have been alive sum total.  I'm tricky that way.  *wink*  Don't count me for dead until I say so.  Trust me.  *chuckling*  Yeah...

Well... reading, writing, and more coffee.  You can have the arithmetic, for now.  Not in my schooling plans for the day.  In spite, or because, of it all?  Wonderful!  I love me some suffering!  It reminds me just how alive I really am.  Delicious!  Something for which to give thanks, if an incredible bank shot way to find myself doing so.  I am Doom, children.  I can do those things.  Later.