Yeah, okay.

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Given a few days of work and rest, and some distance... and a lot of thought... I can now put out why I returned.  Sure, there was the notion that I was more read than I had hoped.  That was a bit unnerving.  What if you kept a rather true diary, and wrote in it without... parsing, without making it edible for the masses... and then you found out many had read it, or parts of it?  So, yeah, there was that.  And more, specifically who had read.  And, not knowing what parts they read.  I've pretty much put the whole thing out here.  Here, there, it's all in there.  Some of it is coded, hidden in there, but decipherable as a whole, mostly.  But that wasn't the big one.

I have been celibate for over a decade now.  That isn't meant to be a life long thing, only a method of choosing a right wife, or moving on without one... living more rightly as I see it.  Unlike many men my age, the vow is not a light or easy one.  I could easily have sex twice a day, even as is.  Sometimes more often.  The urges are there.  The thing is, as I have come to some minor (very minor, forgive me Lord) master of this vow, I have learned to let most women pass without so much as a notion of interest.  Oh, sure, flirtation.  Trust me, the way I do it, that isn't sexual... mostly.  Just, hmm... more like a way to more properly shake a woman's hand, the right form of it.

I thought I was good.  I thought I was solid.  I thought I could reject without thought or effort.  For the most part that is true.  Oh, there is a local woman who gives me the willies, tests my notions, and makes me sweat and pray.  True.  But she is a good woman.  If she happens to be interested, she won't act on it until a ring is on her finger... mostly, probably.  More so with my own willfulness toward that end capping the ideal.  But, there, I met one of those very rare women who excites me.

Now, this is fine.  I truly enjoy meeting those rare women.  It's like a city human seeing their first eagle, or spotting a rare car for automobilephiles, or such.  The grant of a minor wish, the joy of knowing one has passion yet, and some other things.  The problem was, I saw in her eyes that she saw into mine.  She seemed to know much, too much, but that didn't seem to be a problem.  She was, or seemed to me, open.  Whether she was or not, I failed horribly.  If I had stayed, I would have... tested.  And I don't think she would have said no.  Either way, I failed, hard.  Crap sandwiches and fast moving meteorites, I had to lift and scoot.

So... there you go.  I guess it is safe to say.  It shouldn't cause any harm.  It's... well...  It is what it is.  Now I'll move my music up to be more easily found along with this post.  I hid it back in time, until, or unless, I was ready to let it be heard.  Yeah...  Kryptonite, boys and girls.  Doom found out he is still... hungry.  Too hungry.  Gotta be so everloving careful.  On the good side... it wasn't just a piece of ass that called.  I can be cynical when safe, but when that close to certain women... I know it's more.  Damnations!  Reminds me of what I don't have too well.