Still amazed.

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What surprises me is both how sore I am and how I was able to get that sore.  It takes a lot of work over capacity to burn the body down like this.  As I suggested, it wasn't just what I was doing it, but when.  Working while in a coma has greater costs per unit spent... sort of.  I really hurt in weird ways, as well as the regular old ways.  Legs, deep in my torso, of muscle and organ, ground down to empty then on to fumes and beyond that by far.  I was crawling to finish that last batch of dishes.  Almost literally.  Even then I had hoped to wake to help rake and do other things.  Of course, I was unable.  I almost fell, several times, from muscle pains, while going to the bathroom when I finally did wake.

I am feeling a bit better.  It's not as if my ability to do anything has improved.  I almost thought I might sneak out tonight.  And I might, though probably not.  It isn't that driving is a great energy drain, it's that even thinking about it, and maintaining focus, is a drain.  Or even that steering would be using energy I don't want to spend.  If I had to I would.  I don't, so I won't.

It might be that I am in ketosis, and I am not eating as I could or possibly should be... at least to maintain.  While my goal is to lose, my body isn't quite ready to wrestle with that.  And, yet, here I am.  The ketocana is probably what is allowing me to move forward.  But with my body only beginning to think about burning fat instead of carbs, and not switched over fully yet, work is painful.  I doubt if it is damaging.  It is just driving my cells to look for energy.  While there is fat, the cells are ready to burn that yet.  So?  So they cannibalize.  It will motivate my body to switch to fat burning, but in the moment I am cooked.

I... finally, think, I figured this out.  This will motivate me to do those projects and housecleaning I am listing.  I am even thinking of doing more soil turning at the side of the house.  The rhubarb is on the way.  It won't use all of that area.  But I would also like to try my hand at garlic.  And, in a few days or this weekend I will plant herb seeds, indoors for now.  As spring warms I may transplant some of those outside, and that would be a good place to attempt that.

Actually, if I were to plant an invasive sort of species?  That might be the area to attempt it.  It is hemmed in by sidewalk, a concrete patio, and the driveway.  Though, really, I am thinking, for now, I will keep invasive species in as strict of control as possible.  Yeah... I can't stop thinking and planning.  I am coming back to life, changing some ways, planning for living and success.  And I am able, even when I am not, it seems.  For now it is a terrible and beautiful thing.

Hmm, anacin, a few episodes, some reading, sudoku...  The problem?  When my mind is on the hunt, it is difficult to keep the body down, to make it rest.  It, too, wishes to hunt.  I'm not sure how to fix that.  Later.