Good, bad, odd, but awake.

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The anacin did the trick.  I was so absolutely washed, if I couldn't have gotten back to sleep I would have suffered even more.  What woke me, so I could feel the pain in the first place... I heard rotors.  I've died, at least once, though I think twice, on a helicopter.  That thrum, while you are going away... it enters the mind.  I heard that, or thought I did.  Not sure if it was a dream, though no.  When I was fully awake I could hear it.  Though it seemed to be just an odd thing with my fan, a one-off resonance?  I don't know.  Or my mind, in the dream, had crossed some wires that it a took a bit into waking to undo?  Maybe.  *thump, thump, thump*  It wasn't loud, more off in the distance.  Though, when you die, as you die, everything gets very distant, and cold... while still in the flesh... at least when I have died.  *thump, thump, thump*  It chilled me.  It felt as if death was coming.  I don't mind, but... I guess there will always be that bit of fear.  Anyone who has learned to love, and love life really, is not ever ready to go.  Once you... realize, and know the gig is up, and know you can let go without fear... then it might be okay.  But that first blush is of horror.  Even for one such as me.  I've been there so many times and yet... it's still, and always will be, foreign territory.  Even knowing, for my own purposes, that there is more, after.  Reminds me, I need to get to confession, and take the Eucharist.  I'm not sure I am welcome locally, not sure... about several things locally.  I might have to travel.

As I mentioned, the pain subsided and I was able to sleep.  The girls keep... picking on the wound, bumping against it while I am up, walking or even pouncing on it when I sleep.  As such, I have stopped letting them sleep with me, until it has healed.  More, I am breaking them of the habit.  Not brutally, but very stoutly.  Sassy has already suspended her sadism, Sam remains headstrong.  She REALLY likes to bump that wound.  As well as it is healing, though, now that I have applied what skills I have and tested various things to find what is best, she won't have much longer to play with it.  Though I will continue to discourage her.  I think she thinks she is a doctor.  Or do... doctors and nurses think they are cats?  Brutal little beasties.  I'm not even all that sure about good intentions.  :p

Tonight?  Dunno.  More pickup, cleanup, sorting.  More!  I don't know how much I can do.  I wore out a bit yesterday, but not too badly.  And I'd like to do whatever I can, each day, until Friday night if possible.  Try to get back into a weekly pattern.  Nothing too fancy.  Though I find, when I begin it, I end up doing amazing things.  For a while.  Sometimes for a long while.  I might even end up pulling off minor or major miracles... but no thanks to me.  All glory goes to God.  All things do, actually.  Glory, sadness, fear, faith, love, even when those things are focused at humans, or even animals.  Even those are His, from Him, and I believe should return to Him.  I found the source as part of what the water gave me.

Like it or not, the hard part of the story remains.  I'm not... truly complaining... just... noting.  Buried alive?  In life.  Amazing, and terrible.  Took a while but I think I... caught the hang of it.  As I have written, this is as close to hell as I would like to get.  It isn't hell.  Heaven can be seen here, from time to time, perhaps more easily by me than some.  But there is much better.  And, anyway?  His will, not mine.  So be it.

By the way?  If you are a homely man, and you've had a beard or heavy brush covering your face, and you shave?  Oh my Lord, a face only a mother, and God, could love.  I never said I was handsome, never even denied it.  But Jehoshaphat!  I had forgotten.  Even so, I may continue to shave.  Every few days, as possible.  Oh, one last thing.  It got to 77 today, in my bedroom.  I was able to sleep through that without issue.  That is a major improvement.  There was a time when 68 was as warm as I could tolerate it.  Now, as winter turns to spring, or when spring is springy, there are times when 68 is a bit warm.  But I seem to acclimate, and quickly enough, now... or when on medication.  Right, and it's actually been more like a month that I have been on medicine... not a few weeks.  Anyway, I think that helps.

Just... getting things off my mind.  Now I can go wake, then do some work, eat, and whatever else is needed.  Time.  Tick, tock, tick...  So fast at times, so slow others.  So slowly has the last three decades gone.  Slower yet the next three.  Strange.  Good... morning and evening.