I just don't get it.

.
.
It isn't just the conditions, symptoms, and numbers of them, it is the hatred from so many.  Why I haven't died I just don't get.  I have learned to suffer very well.  I don't mind living or dying at this point.  Truly, His will.  I do wonder if suffering here is the price.  When it is foggier I become nearly sure, as sure as possible, that I am in purgatory... and for what seems an eternity, foggy or not.

The pain or absolute absence of it, the times I know it hurts but the cascading issuance cancels the sensations, as waves can cancel sound.  If it isn't too rough it can be interesting to observe.  There is so little else to do at times.  While it may seem all I know is self, and that might be true at times, that knowledge is gained just as externally as if I were you.  As if I were watching a machine, a failing one, taking notes.

As to hatred, I don't really get it.  I just know it exists, smell it.  And from the most surprising people.  What people are isn't at all who they are.  Not always and becoming rarer.  They hate being easily noticed, but it is that hate that makes them so easy to see.  If I were wrong, if they could defend their hatred, they wouldn't quietly, intensively, hate at me from shadows.

I don't fully, even mostly, understand.  All I know is I have been humbled nearly to death, then given some sort of ability to see.  I have been called to God, and hooked up to write, sometimes understanding none or little of it, sometimes more... as this, at least on the simpler meanings.

Just letting you know that I see.  While I have been harsh I am changing some of my approach.  Videos offering wisdom have directed me to, probably, a better way... just adding things to sufferings and moving on.  So I really will simply pray for you.  Yes, I can see.

At 22:36 it is bedtime.  Good night.