Brutal day.

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Not a bad day, just a long one.  Bedtime lately has been 9:00.  Which was my appointment time in SLC.  Primary.  Blood work first, so I aimed to be there by 7:00.  Leaving here at 5:15, plus with probable traffic problems?  I could hope to be there by 8:00.  I might have to skip the lab, just do it after.  Traffic was excellent, I was there, parked, and after a short wait, getting my blood drawn at 7:30.  I do my best, it worked today.

I then found where optometry is.  I wasn't able to do more than locate the room.  It didn't open untill my appointment time.  I also checked and they did have my bank set for transportation reimbursement.  No time to fill out a form for today quite yet.  Little bits anyway, then back to primary to wait.

BP was a bit high, but came down after a bit.  Their scale is 20 pounds more than mine.  Since I am wearing 38's, I think they jack the scale.  With vets they hate, they are very passive-aggressive.  They can't be trusted.  As usual, they ignore me when I tell them my main symptom is and always has been exhaustion.  Painful, crippling, exhaustion.  And that most medicine exacerbates that.  Tried to tell me my condition was from heavy drinking after the Navy, but slipped because I got sick IN the Navy as a rare light drinker.  As well, is trying to push insulin.  No.

I had my blood sugar reader, and bp data, out nearly in the vehicle.  Then had to bring something in, brought those in, and forgot them.  Ugh.

After, I did get up to where to get the scripts turned into actual glasses.  A bit of a wait but I felt bad for them.  I went with bifocals, progressives.  As well I got my cd (something diapter) measured for the way the site I will be buying from wanted them measured.  As well, I got a copy of my prescription.  I'll just order distance vision glasses first, online.  If the VA and online glasses check out, then I may bite the bullet on a pair of backup bifocals.  I asked a few questions about how to order, best sized frames, and what a few things meant.  Learning, trying.  They had so much gunk in my eyes when they tested that... I'm not sure it was done right.  That won't happen again.

Finally, I signed for travel.  Deserve?  I expected them to shoot me, if I failed.  But, as I have learned, they were trying to cheat me from the start.  Just weren't quite up to pure murder.  Mostly.  They did have me on 100 mg of carvedilol.  I... think they have tried.  First they try to kill me, then act as if to save me.  Then try to force medicines.  I simply don't trust them.  I will be getting medicine through them, for now, is how I was told.

They just don't get it.  They had thirty years to help me and screwed the pooch at every opportunity.  I am now old and broken beyond repair with zero trust in them, their attitudes, or their industry.  I am not looking to try to live a hundred, or any particular sum of, years.  I am just trying to keep the barbed wire barely holding me together from being yanked in any direction until I can just die.  I'm not their fucking toy.  They obviously aren't interested in what I tell them.  Just keep it simple, cold, easy and distant.  No rocking the... my... boat.  Just waiting to die.  Quit acting like you give a shit. Don't think I'll just let you kill me though, either.  Just back off.

If they had shame, this would mean something to them.

Tired.  AC running in the bedroom.  It's almost time.  Might price a pair of standard glasses before crashing.  Good night, and day.