Some things.

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Nothing planned.  I kept thinking about raking.  I wanted to get out there.  The time ticked through the hours.  I turned the furnace up, then down.  After enough time gone, I changed my focus to a shower and laundry.  Perhaps that would get me going.  Never got to a shower.  Laundry waits as well.

Why?  I simply don't know.  I have eaten.  That was it.  I never really woke.  I couldn't think or get going.  At least the last SSA letter was clarified and the next step was taken.  Another call tomorrow, I hope.  So tired it hurts.  All over, in little ways.  Have you ever leaned into something which offers no give until you are completely spent?  Imagine if that something was your very own flesh within which you find yourself buried.

I do try.  There is tomorrow.  I fear I have more empty tomorrows than some of you will know of any kind.  The price must be paid.  In some ways I do it gladly.  But if there was a better, or more productive way?  I think, perhaps, my productivity is destructive.  This, perhaps, until that appointed hour, of your choosing if not knowing, is how it must be.

A curse, in the shorter term.  A grace in the eternal realm.  And Father's will, so mine.

Good night.