Awake, finally.

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I didn't set the alarm, or alarms.  I knew it wouldn't matter.  I actually did wake, about the time I would have set the alarm.  Had to pee.  Couldn't do much beyond that.  Realized how frustrating that was.  Didn't matter, went back to sleep.  Though I did finally wake just now at about 21:30.  The reason I wanted to wake was definitely to put the ducks up and secondarily to bring the rabbit waterers in.  Done and done, first thing.  I even left more food out for the rabbit out of his cage.

I feel like rot.  But mild rot.  A third of things which can hurt or ache do so, but in very mild forms.  Why should my right arm bicep hurt?  I have soup going.  Just leftover from what was made earlier.  A fresh pot of tea has been set.  A shower is anticipated.  I don't know how much I can do, but will try to do a bit more today.

I have decided to try to hit my sleeping area.  Picking things up, changing the smaller mattress, doing bedding, vacuuming, and maybe some spot cleaning from having cats.  Bleh.  The goal is to get my bedroom back into play as a clean, comfortable of body and mind, and safe place.  But, just... over the week.  Nothing fancy, no very hard work, just... bits and pieces, here and there, until it... seems enough.

I dreamed a couple of odd little ditties.  The last was of a creature, like a ferret, popping it's head up at the foot of my bed.  It did so a few times.  I had no fear, or... just thought it was cute.  Even after realizing I have no such creature as a pet.  A wild ferret?  Weasel?  I just thought it was cute.  Then realized, beyond being pitch dark, even if there was light I couldn't have seen any such thing as I hadn't lifted my head.  Well, and I wear a cap, when sleeping during the day, I can pull over my eyes.  It was still pulled over my eyes.  I still didn't care, I kept "looking", hoping to see it again.  *grins*  Hey, get a dream... even a little one,... which you enjoy, go with it.

The first dream, actually, was of a girl I knew.  I was, probably 18?  She was 12 to maybe 14.  It was before I went into the Navy.  A dream, but of a real event, and absolutely how it happened to within my memory.  Anyway, we were alone, talking.  She was telling me about having been molested.  I asked her some questions about it.  Then she said she didn't want to have sex with me.

I realized, right then, that what she meant was... she was offering me sex with her.  Oh, yes, I tell you, I knew.  I was quite tempted.  She was a pretty little thing.  But, I knew, everything about what was happening was... could, would... go sideways in a dozen ways.  Back then, there, it wasn't so much a problem... as long as you... took care of the mess.  But a mess it would be.

It was a very difficult thing to get out from under.  My want, her want, the ease.  It was an open door.  I... can't remember exactly how I figured the way out, but I did.  Not a thing of pride, but something I am grateful to have... avoided.  Oh, I liked the girl.  If that was some of my reservation.  Though, sometimes, one way or another, damned if you do, damned if you don't.  If some damnations are worldly, and even then I knew some damnations were better than others.

I ought to ask my mother whatever happened to the girl.  She might not know offhand, but she could find out with a few calls and some time.  I ought to tell her the story.  She... likes stories... with better endings, morals, and such... especially if real.  Not sure it's her thing, in real life, but for a story... especially a true one... it returns some of her shattered hope?  Maybe.  Somehow.

Oh, going to add a bit of the meat crumble to the soup.  It's a bit lean on meat.  I thought I added enough, though I probably was a bit shy when pulling from the main container?  Yea, I think so.  Still, I'd like to see if crumble will add to the soup, or just be to insubstantial.  I like playing with soups and stews.  Might well make it to gravies more and soon as well.

Yep.  Two visitors since I shut down the blog.  All good.  I am surprised there are two!  Later.