How do I do that?

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I created a telephone appointment, yesterday, for today.  Okay.  Now, I can't remember if that was a ten or eleven appointment.  As I was checking the phone, I realized there were texts... from my service.  It seems I have run out of money... I'm on a pay as you go plan.  Ugh!  I called the number provided.

I was told it would be faster to go online... that almost never works for me.  So I was just going to wait it out.  In seconds, the automated system took the money out of my account and had it all up and running.  Of course, that was a few minutes after ten.  So... if... it was a ten appointment, I'll have to reset it.  If it is an eleven appointment I am good.

I hate these moments between knowing and not knowing if I messed up.  It'll work.  It'll happen shortly, or not.  If I don't get a call by half after, I'll call and reschedule.  What kind of weird luck has the few things that happen in my life to converge and attempt to cancel each other out.  I am barely able to stay awake, alive even.  Keeping ahead of these things isn't possible.  Actually, that I even caught this?  Win lose or draw, at least I didn't realize a few weeks from now.  Ugh, messy life.  It's all I have.

I was done, so I thought, with the latest bought of stigmata.  I work hard to keep that in check.  Sometimes I lose.  It looks like it is trying to come back.  Just on the palms, for now.  And it doesn't go beyond the skin, so far... mostly.  More heavily in the right palm.  I don't mind it, in one sense.  If I don't seek it.  It's more that it can hurt, and bleed on things.  If that isn't the main problem.  It's... what it draws... calls to me.  It calls dark things, which hate such a... condition, and those with it.  Spiritual warfare.  It's not that fighting is difficult, it's that I so enjoy it.  It's a great temptation.

Ah!  The doc called.  He apologized for calling late.  I... thanked him for calling late.  I should have added that being late is never a problem anyway.  Meds will be sent, and restarted immediately.  If I have enough to create a two week opener, I will get them set up.  I do have to wait on insulin though.  But the rest I can begin.  Ugh.

He asked me to come in for blood tests.  Lots and lots of them, by the sounds of it.  I said I didn't want to, because I didn't want to go through the rigmarole of testing, problems from a false positive, etc.  He said I wouldn't have to be tested.  If a mask is required I am sure.  I'll split that, for now.  I am sure testing wouldn't be bad... blood testing that is.  I... medical has completely failed the trust test with this so-called pandemic.  If that is as likely part of the reset as everything else.  It probably seemed cool, with the medical field, until they found themselves deserted, and the staff being whittled down to fit the 'new normal'?  Then again, perhaps it was falling already, this just covers that up?  All I know is I don't believe anything anyone says, and am still right more often for it.  Still, I mostly trust this doc.  Why?  Because.    

One more call yet today?  Maybe.  I got the rabbits and ducks set up rather early today... by 08:30?  Give or take.  I am about to check them shortly again.  Just... to make sure.  It, at least was, has been rather cold out there.  The girls have been fed.  I even shard a portion of the hindquarter... chicken.  It was good, enough, I just wasn't all that into it.  It is nearly time to feed them again, and tend their litter.  Today, or when I wake, I'll see about beef soup/stew.  I really am digging it.  Good morning, day, and... night... shortly enough.