.
My various attempts at getting things going haven't been working. Brute force, directed simple will, gentle guidance, even attempting to just wait for solid windows of opportunity while being as ready as possible... nothing has worked in a forward direction. You have no idea the patience I have gained working with an indifferent body.
I'm not even sure it doesn't care. It simply isn't able to engage. Something is wrong, of flesh, neuro, or other I can't be certain. I speculate that it is mostly a thing of flesh. Something, in there, does not work. There is a disconnect between the will, even fleshly will, and the ability of the flesh to act.
I would also say, having truly been physically dead has had an additional affect, or set of them. Especially how... why... I... it... died. At this point, beating a dead horse won't work. Nor, it seems, will any of my efforts, currently. It might, currently, be the heat. For while I have become accustomed to it, so that 85 isn't too much... at least in the shade... it may be keeping me down.
Still, I do not wish to... just sit. I am trying to figure a way to get the body and will to reconnect. As mentioned, due to it yet being high summer, that may not be possible. And the direct, forward, ways haven't been working. So? So I am taking a two steps back approach. A game.
I have worn out the games I have. So I went looking for an inexpensive, potentially highly immersive, game which could be played solo. I may have found it... 'Minecraft'. I downloaded it last night, set it up, and began playing. Played a little longer than anticipated.
I did enough review, I had a good idea what I needed to do, right away. However, knowing what to do is not the same as knowing how to do it. I kept trying to sort it out, and failing. Well, but, yeah. So, I was up to nearly six. If, too, I had been trying to get the house to cool. It was 62 out there, though it probably crept cooler, and it just would not budge in here! It stayed 75 right until I crashed and burned. Bleh. Upstairs was down to 71 or 72, however. Allowing me to sleep well.
No dreamstorms last night, to my recall. And sleep was handsomely pleasant. Awake some short time after noon. The girls have been fed. I'll do chores when possible. I showered yesterday so probably not today. Gaming, but too... with an eye to sneak in work. I'd like to clean the bathroom, down to the grout. Theory, but hope too.
On to gaming. I'll... I'd like to make some calls. I'm just not quite up to talking, yet, today. Still a bit groggy. The game might end up pushing me beyond myself, at which time I may begin to grab hold of life again. It's... it happens. But, it is a one step back, two steps forward, sort of thing. Not direct, this. And fraught with perils of it's own. But nothing else was working.
Good afternoon and day. God's speed and will be with you. Amen.
"'Minecraft'. I downloaded it last night, set it up, and began playing. Played a little longer than anticipated."
ReplyDeleteMy son picked up Minecraft some time ago and stayed with it a while. It didn't look like my cup of tea, but parts of it impressed me (especially when I saw the video of how someone use Minecraft to build a working analog computer).
Personally I prefer strategic games like the ones Sid Meier produced. My son has promised me a new computer and, when he comes through, perhaps I'll be able to play such games again.
A working analog computer? Now... that would be something worth tinkering on.
ReplyDeleteAh, but understand? Addiction will hit hard. Perhaps I haven't been playing in so long that I didn't see it hitting. Or the cold weather that is here threw me for an extra loop, but this game will eat you alive.
I don't do strategic games. I've never seen where winning was possible. Every one I have tried has been a permanent state of survival, sometimes thinking I'm ahead for a while, only to be absolutely crushed.
Though it has been... years... a decade... two? Maybe they have created balance? If they made one where you really had a chance, against the machine, I might consider those games. I really wanted to like them. I like the idea of them. Just never felt I was playing with any real chance.
I'll add a prayer that your son gets the machine together for you. I can't afford a decent rig myself. I just play on a old gen console. Last gen, at least. Though I don't think ps5s are even available. And I don't want one. They have said they will destroy your account if someone doesn't like what you say, and they listen with that in mind. They killed all interest in their machine.