.
Off meds, lost of mind, cold in spite of the warmth, having trouble getting anything done. Even the day I had been expanding into is collapsing back again. I am beginning to sleep earlier, not later as had been the plan. I don't understand that. Trying to push through. Shove, fight, but nothing is giving.
I did get the trash out. That helped. But that is one of dozens of things which need to be done. And, when I am awake, I might as well not be. Gaming is helping me stay awake. But when I don't game, I crash. It's not either game or be awake doing other things. If I am going to be awake, gaming is how I do it.
So tired, always. Crushing exhaustion. And cold. At 75 and higher.
I have been eating better. A bit carby today, but it was the only meal. Generally I have been doing pretty good keto. Hot coffee, to try to stay warm. I should move over to tea. I can drink that without sweetener, when it is hot or warm. The thing about tea is it needs to be steeped. I often lose track, even with an alarm as a memory tender. Tea can turn quite bitter if steeped too long. And doesn't taste good at room temp. Hot, cold, or no thank you.
It's about bedtime. I'm looking something up, or trying. Then back to bed.
Good day, night, morning, else as required. Amen.
Is it still Minecraft? I understand that the game generates interest, but for someone in your condition that must be some king-hell kind of interest.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. Yes, it does. When all else fails, it offers... something. It, at the very least, keeps me from sleeping. But becoming, creating, a narcotic effect in so doing. Not that I would know, directly. But... I can surmise. The trick is to limit it, though in some situations, I'm not sure that is possible.
ReplyDeleteThen again, without it, I would be sleeping... 18 to 20 hours a day, more... perhaps days. I've easily done that, in this present conditions, and longer still. I've slept months, waking only every few weeks to feed. I'm not even sure that is human.
Given the choice, I still would rather be awake than to, possibly even, die dreaming. You can help. I... started by asking for help, receiving it, and moving on to action from there. But it is fragile.
Mark Twain perhaps said it best: "What a world of heartache it is". I know the fragility of it all, having closed the eyes of more of my friends than I care to remember.
ReplyDeleteI've never had an addiction to a game. But I've experienced addictions, and all I know is that you have to reach a point where you simply back away. Just put it down and back away. It'll still be there when you're together again. More together. Dream of strategies. Dream of plans.
(Speaking of addictions, I just now had to stop myself to keep from spouting Jean Genet.)
Take care.
I don't think spouting poetry is a necessarily bad thing. If it's an addiction, despite my reservations regarding poets, I would commend it to a higher form of addiction. Unless it's a personal thing, and you have called yourself to refrain for your own reasons, feel no prohibition from my side for waxing long on such. As a fact, be welcome, make yourself at home.
ReplyDeleteAs to fragility? Yes and no. Only in this world is it a thing. Though, of this world, that is a blessing. If I were to curse a man most truly, I would wish he would never die (at least to this world). For suffering it an eternity would be much worse than death. Death is the gate. I think of this life as the womb. It may hurt, but this is not were we were meant to be. Even those of us who weren't ever supposed to be. Doubly so, that latter? I think so.
I know, I complain about being stuck. Then... never mind. I think you get it all anyway. Check.