.
But, up at 20:00. For a bit. The plan is to get back down before too long. Midnight, as a rough goal. For more a nap, until I can get things more securely back around to days. Sleep was fantastic. Dreams, I'll discuss those in a bit. Some dreams... bother me... in very strange ways. This was among those, but at least not of war. Though, at least those are comfortable, comforting, in... strange ways. Familiarity? At the very least in the dream world, yes. And who the good and bad guys are is... very simple, as the world has become black and white. At least for the chess pieces. The cunts running the show, a whole different thing, but for the pieces, it is simple.
I'll have kefir(s) and vinegar tonic(s) as I am awake. Maybe sardines if I really feel the bite of hunger. Odd how it bites us right back. Can never truly satisfy, without killing one's self. But, for tonight, just a bit. The kefir is turning a bit quicker, with the house being kept at 70. Warmer is, oddly, uncomfortable. But then, wearing compression socks keeps the body warmer sum total, by a lot. I fear the summer, and those. Fear worse potentially not being able to wear them as often.
Without them, my legs will not only sag, and expand, but there are forms of bruises, which form under the skin. If that pooling goes bad, a leg can be lost in short order. Or a life, without even incompetent medical care. It's a spooky condition. Surprised that hasn't gotten me yet. After the last time I scraped my leg, and it almost didn't heal, I sorted out food (to my ability), compression socks, and anything else I could do. That is terrifying. But... the things I am doing have truly helped... just... to figure out how to keep it cool enough in the summer to continue wearing them, even if in shorter spans of time, as well.
The dream. I dreamed of speaking with an old... internet... friend. He was white, some mixed European stock or other. Academic, or close in there. He and his wife had had some number of, also, white children. But, as they grew, they began to take in black, and maybe else, children. Asian? Latino? And... we talked.
He didn't like anything negating his decision, if my discussions weren't about his decisions. Nor whether he could, or should, love his adopted children. It's... not about that. A fool thing, but having children, sum total, is only slightly less a fool thing, if... a fool thing which I approve. The former? Not so much.
But, Doom? You might ask. Weren't you adopted? As a... mixed breed? Aye. I was. BUT... by mixed breeds. Different from my own, but... breeds all the same. Well, my mom. My dad was pure Mexican, literally. So, that... makes it different. But too, they were different one from the other, father from mother. So, mixed in that way quadropoly so. And, they couldn't have children. So... that was doubly, or exponentially, different.
Anyway. The point I have is the way the various peoples see civilization. Technically, being of neither group, I can see far more clearly, as an outsider; very much more clear for being slightly accepted into both groups; or conversely not see so clearly for either... or oddly both... of those reasons. I think I see better. What is it I see?
The native/other side of me sees that civilization is based on tribal instincts. By local, regional, national ties, all are bound first. Of course, family ties before that, and religious ties higher or lower on that order of chain, depending on the individual groups, and depending on the topic. But... usually... society-wide. Tribal, in other words. All thing tribal, big to little.
The white side of me sees that civilization is based on group action and thought, with the fewer chiefs... mostly there just to establish order. Keep things working. They aren't meant to be kings, little or big, just facilitators. Everything is to be run more like a beehive, or ant colony. Like it or not, you do your job, get your feed, and do so until you die and are buried.
There are similarities. But limits to those. Bees, for example, can't be successfully made to work with ants, or wasps, or anything else, without unnatural manipulations, brutality, and such. Which is why a nation which becomes an empire must fall. It is, in simple terms, unnatural. Force and wealth can hold it together, but as those fade, and they do, the empire will fall. The only problem is, those at the top want empire. To enforce their wealth.
As to the nativists? It's... all about force, and putting one as king, the rest as varying levels of the rest of society. It is based on kingdoms, and extending those. And, those will rise and fall with natural and unnatural events. But, it's... more animalistic.
One tribe may dominate for years, decades, centuries. The Apaches humiliated and nearly extinguished the Comanche (as we call them). They also put up such fierce resistance to the Spanish, that they simply couldn't move forward further in, take more of a hold.
With the Spanish so beset, many horses escaped. The Comanche took that opportunity, like no other, and became some of the most serious mounted threats to the middle of America. And ended up driving both the Apache and Spanish out. Odd how the underdog may well find a way. It was probably either that, or extinction? Sooner or later.
The Spanish couldn't defend their colonies, even from the Apache. Against the new and improved Comanche, they were devastated. The Comanche were rovers, never stayed twice in the same spot, and could strike anywhere in a four hundred mile range and be gone moments later. But, they weren't builders, didn't depend on infrastructure. They didn't even depend on agriculture, as the Apaches initially did. More? By driving the Apaches into the wilds, where they couldn't form, they turned them into terrors, as they had to raid to survive. Unlike before, where they were settled, and lived in a general area.
The Spanish, too, were limited. The Plains wars, of all sorts, were far longer, and more involved, than people now think. Indian was as against Indian, as against white. Tribal. The Spanish just wanted everyone to be good little ants.
The thing is, in my dream, I realized I... don't like either system. Worse though? I realize there are no other systems to choose from. I don't get to choose reality. I can take notes, understand some things, but in the end, there is no way I can successfully change anything.
If I created a true revolution of the people, and lets say it was successful as it once was in America? All I do is change a few variables and alter who is doing what. Very... little changes, otherwise. And, even that, a successful revolution, has been destroyed in less than three hundred years. We are an empire, and a bad one. It was a dream, anyway.
Dreams... Some of them I really don't like. As to which I would choose, between tribal and nationally civil? If it can be kept right, national civil. Then again, we are international, now, which is nationally discivil? Some such. It's... not the same thing. I'd have to explore terminologies. But... that... works for an ignorant work, for the moment.
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