Just... stop being fat?

.

.

Right?  Just... stop.

I have lost ninety pounds this year, in eight months really, and as much as... at least? 288-227... ~60 pounds... since Thanksgiving day... actually I started about the week before, and I didn't maintain it for that meal.

So, I know people can lose weight.  A lot of it.  And... relatively quickly.

Too, I know that it hurts like hell.  It isn't easy.  And, if I had known how difficult it would, and would remain being, and for so long?  Would I still have done it?  Yes, but not for the weight loss.  That just... isn't important.  Lowering blood sugar?  Lowering blood pressure, and cutting most medicines, many completely.  Hoping that improved blood sugar would help with healing?  Things like that.  But for weight loss, alone?  Especially since, even after having lost ninety pounds, I still look like... a sack of potatoes, now one that fell off the wagon on the interstate, at speed.  Partly from the accident, but just as much because the body just... looks terrible.

I had hoped I would look better.  I was thinking, by 240, I would look... okay.  Nope.  Same as I dropped under 230.  I am beginning to realize I won't look good, probably even if I drop to "ideal" weight, whatever that even might be.  But I am not even close to it.  I am guessing my ideal weight will be in the 180 range.  And, I still won't look good when I get there.  In a year or two, if I get there and maintain?  No.  A decade?  Maybe.

I guess... I am just glad that weight loss wasn't my goal.  Or looking good.  I... do look better, clothed.  Unclothed?  Not so much.  Better?  Than what?  Actually, I think I look worse.  But, again, that wasn't the point.

To be absolutely honest, I don't think most people could handle the process.  The pain, even the shift of the meat, and extra meat, on the bones.  Losing weight hurts.  Not even just from cutting consumption.  Though there is that.  It physically hurts, as the body tries to reset muscles, bones, tendons, and else.

But, the change in diet is brutal.  I won't say I hate meat, I just don't have much of a taste for it.  Though, worse?  I have lost my taste for almost all food.  I'm not even sure I could go back to the old way of eating.  Maybe, in time?  Maybe not.  Is that a good thing, or not, I... suspect good.  But it's... a strange place to find one's self.

So, no.  You won't just stop being fat.  You might lose weight, you might keep it off.  But, probably?  Not so much.  Unless you can really lean into the suck, I don't think so.  Not even sure how I have made it, to this point.  Most people shouldn't even think of it.  At some point, just... know that is how it is.  Like it?

If it is any consolation?  It... probably won't matter.  You won't look better.  I am just about to later 50s.  I still have... forty to fifty pounds to go... then a few years to make it to true maintenance.  I may never live to see my body look sort of good.  Five years, after maintenance?  No.  Ten?  Twenty?  Ever?

Just... relax, a bit.  Enjoy life.  Enjoy what you can do.  Can you cook?  Can you help with plants?  Are you good with children, elders... other elders?  Do you like bingo?  Just enjoy your life.  Don't worry, this kind of pain offers almost no gains, at some point.  If it weren't for diabetes?  I wouldn't do this.  Blood pressure and weight loss are just... sort of... side benefits.  If mere numbers.  Their improvements probably won't extend my life, or even enhance my quality of life.

If you don't have a really good reason, just... enjoy.  And tell them to shut up and bugger off, even if it's just the voices in your head.  Love yourself as you are.