.
Down at ~23:15, up at eight. I can do that. I'd like to be to bed earlier, and be up earlier. Though too, I'd like to sleep a little longer? If I could get down by twenty hundred, up by six? That, right now, given my levels of exhaustion, would be good. Just a bit more sleep. Not sure it is possible, but will be aiming for that, now that I am more awake? Doing lightly better? When I am crushed by poor health and whatever else, I don't have a lot of choice. When I start doing better, I begin not only aiming at things, if not always hitting the target albeit, but being able to bring some force to bear on the matter, force and mind. Will see. But that is the plan.
Sleep was very good. Warm enough, not too warm. Comfortable. No itchy scratchy sensations. I thought something was in my hair, last night. The only time I have ever had that happen. but, this morning, while brushing my hair, I found a lock that had become... out of calibration with the rest. While brushing, it rolled, and... I realized that was it. Still, that... freaked me out. If it were to have been a critter, it would have to have been a very small mouse or a very large spider. And, the hair flop while brushing almost caused me to drop the brush for the same panic I felt earlier. I flipped it a few times, and... yep. Just a lock of hair that had gotten out of order... or something like that. Rare for me. Especially having showered a day ago or so. Bleh. Oh... it had been raining when I was out. That... can do odd things to my mop.
I dreamed, again, the last of the four dreams from yesterday. Still hoping the first dream comes back to me. I have the rest written, and will write this one out. Perhaps, eventually, presenting the dream, or dreams? It seemed like they were all connected. Somehow. If totally different. Like watching an old four part movie. While nothing necessarily connected, or it did if it wasn't obvious? Some theme, or the director/producer, or the slate of actors, or some thematic connection not easily identified... a coded thing? Hmm, strange to have a recurring dream so close together. I've had recurring dreams decades apart. Sometimes slightly different, sometimes an exact rerun. This was... different, as if the dream continued? Or this was before the other, just not chronologically? But, it reminded me what the third dream was. Now for the first... ugh.
Oh, in the dream, I was Death... probably the horseman. I was riding a horse, black. I was riding around, doing my thing. I had some choice in the matter, not always. Even good guys have to die. Though, if given the choice, I would take the bad guy. Besides, they were easier to find, there are a lot more of them. But... business is business. And, so, I rode. Doing my thing.
Feeling a good deal better. Oh, thanks for the notion of painpill limits. I have been taking... larger doses. Far larger than recommended. So... last night, when I took one, I just... took one... rather than four. I read the instructions. Anyway... As well, I looked up the various painpills, what best use for them is, and ordered some others. This way, if I take recommended dose, no more than once a week, only one type cycled through, mostly? I should... be in a safer mode. Yea... that's... a lot.
Strangely? One did better for me than four. Perhaps four was poisoning me? Meh. I do feel better. The pains have eased, muscle cramps and such. Though, too, perhaps electrolytes helped. I'll have another dose of that stuff, with morning medicine. Oh... something is, or somethings are, helping. I almost feel human, after weeks, months, of feeling crushed under a torturous wheel.
I didn't mind. I don't care, to a minor degree. I was just annoyed that I couldn't get to anything. Couldn't get things done. If I stay well, and the house warms nicely. I'd like to get a shower in today. And food. I bought a hank of steak. Cutting that and packaging it, plus cooking one, would be good. Something about ribeye to sirloin makes life... better... when I can eat that is.
Oh, it's 32 to 33 out there. Just above freezing. Wet, dark, foggy to the east, clear(er) to the south. Haven't looked elsewhere yet. Sort of... makes me think of cuddling with a woman. Some days bring women to mind, for reasons, or not, or both. They are mean, but... sometimes can be friendly. Sometimes. :)
Later.
Church retreat in Jr. High. Overnighting on Pelican Island in Lake Enemy Swim, Canvas and lodge pole tee-pees. Wind picks up shaking the canvas, and also shakes loose the critters seeking shelter. Big? spider drops onto my face, I grab it and feel the legs wriggling between my fingers, I throw it and was rewarded with an audible thump when it hit canvas.
ReplyDelete"Why'd it have to be spiders"
Anyone who denies arachnophobia hasn't been awaken in the middle of a night by a creepy crawler. Something... terrifying about them, their body, how they bite, poison, eat. And how FAST they move. Some of them are so aggressive! Thankfully, only a few species, if one of those is poisonous... the brown recluse. That is a nasty little bugger.
ReplyDeleteI searched and searched for the spider. Or whatever, just to see what it was. Just a hair wedge that flopped, but... I still have the heebie-jeebies.
I mostly broke away from arachnophobia. I had a friend, in I think 7th grade, who had a tarantula. He assured me it was safe (as if he probably actually knew?). I let him let it walk from his arm to mine, until I... could do it... more or less easily. I hated having that kind of fear. Now, from a bit away, they don't bother me. But on me by surprise? Or while I am sleeping? If that goes for any bug. Just not... neurotic about it, mostly. :p
I think the farther back we are able to tap into our "lizard" brain, the more primitive our "fears" are.
ReplyDeleteSpiders= Crabs that hunted us in the Sea and mudflats of Pangaea. The skittering attack of a crab/spider "triggers" a prey response, that, in turn causes a further embarassed response to something that harmless "freaking" us out.
Snakes trigger a more evolved "us" we'll say pre "Lucy" primates. Scavenger/ gatherer types, poking around the bush, encountering all sorts of creepy crawlies, any bite from anything (let alone venom) could be deadly.
Snakes don't bother me at all, my tribe/ clan must have learned early, "kill it, eat it, and move on".
I almost signed off the spider story with "spiders or snakes?" thought that was too obscure.
I can say.. "Hello, I'm DV and spiders creep me out."
I did talk Desert Cat into eating one of the rattlesnakes he killed on his property. He didn't care for it, though I think he steamed it? Ugh. FRY it! FRY! In lard or tallow. Bah! Still, I was surprised he did what he did. There is nothing like eating an old enemy. Plus, waste not, want not?
ReplyDeleteI used to play with snakes, as a kid. Didn't have poisonous snakes in my part of Iow or even the parts of Colorado I lived in. Uhrm, mostly. But haven't seen them in a long time, so they... sort of... bother me, these days. And I wouldn't play with them, poisonous or not these days.
Did I mention I found a small snake in my house not long ago? Someone had to have let it in, or put it in. I'm sure of that. But, I killed it, because I wasn't in shape to get dressed and put it outdoors. Was stepping into the shower when I found it. Something about being naked, near such things too.
My general wear makes it so that a snake probably couldn't bite through. My underlayers, socks, sweats or pants are all... rather beefy. Well, a small snake wouldn't bite through. And, if with boots on, no way unless they could reach above my ankle, so six inches up? Meh.
Though, too? Fear is... refreshing. I don't mind being afraid. It... gives me focus!