.
A shower, after this. Maybe a shave? Maybe a bit of work as I dry
off, before bed. Some tinkering with laundry and tables upstairs?
Maybe.
I keep... seeing this song. And, yes, I think of her. Such a...
pleasure, of a woman, to have known. She just couldn't, or wouldn't,
choose. Or wouldn't say it. Either way. She wanted to, but
wouldn't, or couldn't. And... I stopped asking. She knew.
She... just... didn't. But... we both think on it.
I honestly, sometimes, wish it was just about sex. It was about the
fights, fun, learning, disagreeing, arguing, being purposefully contrarian...
on both sides. We did, do, love. We do. We could fight
without hurting each other. Maybe feelings, but even then? She
needed her feelings hurt, I liked mine to be hurt... mostly.
It was a wonderful life. I liked her little body. I liked it when
she said no, and yes. If she hated when I turned my nose up at the
offer. I wasn't like... the other boys. But I definitely was one.
Bittersweet memories. I hope she is well. She would have a place,
if she showed up. Not... as before. But... more like a
sister. Surprised she didn't. I think I stung her pride... and she
wouldn't surrender anything. And... she really would have had to
surrender a lot. Now? Now she could be a housemate, as long as she
understood that was all. Chaste, Sir Galahad the Chaste, these
days. No longer needing to be pulled away from great dangers.
*grins* Only viable women, and only after marriage. Just... the
way it is now.
Still... I... this song. Even the picture, what it invokes.
Good night. And to her, if she still listens... watches... reads.
I hope she knows.
ReplyDeleteAnother week down, office/ shop politics "shifting" people maneuvering for "loftier" positions. Wish they would just play their games and leave me out of it, (I don't play games anymore) I don't have the time for it. What is it? "beware the man who just wants to be left alone"
Left leg very swollen and itchy, but the bruise is much better. Wore my tight knee-high sock on it for the past 24, dosen't throb like it started to yesterday.
Was in the 30's this AM... I'm thinking soup.
She knows. I'm... absolutely certain. Her problem, I think, wasn't with me. Mirror, and old loves she couldn't be with or be rid of. We both had... have... ghosts.
ReplyDeletePolitics. It's everywhere. From church to social to business. You can't escape it. There will still be aspects of it after I die, in dealing with my corpse. Bleh.
I've stopped wearing the liner socks. For some reason, that is too warm now. Just wool knee or thigh high hunter socks, lately. You just wear that sock on one leg?
I'm having steak, this morning. Leftovers. Can't quite do much else. Soups sounds good. Maybe tomorrow, chicken. Soup would be warming though.
Left is the prob. right is fine can still see tendons and veins. Left too "puffy" so one leg "squeeze". Will let it free when I sleep.
ReplyDeleteChicken noodle, Black and red pepper, juuuust a bit much. Definitely didn't add salt. Wasn't as filling as hoped, but it's something. Still, I have my "dog" blanket over my shoulders, so wasn't even warming. Maybe I just need to digest longer.
Pepper is one of the more annoying things to get just right. Salt being the other. It depends, a bit, on the "mood" of the pepper, somehow. Atmospheric pressure, humidity, else? I usually short the pepper, and do okay. Because, oddly, to get just a shimmer of pepper flavor takes very little pepper, more so freshly ground.
ReplyDeleteI may have to see about chicken soup. The steak? I... burned it. And nothing I could do would correct it. The interior was still raw, but the burned flavor went on through. Bleh.
I have steaks thawing. For tomorrow and so on. Ugh.
Hmm, palm heart rice, chicken, water... could see. Could hope.
Are you taking anything for the swelling? Some painkillers help with that. Those big knots can cause blood clots, so aspirin, too? Just some thoughts.
Yeah, I got a golfball shaped Knot at the "trauma " site. Open wound healed nice, but still have the knot. And I'm still not sure I didn't do bone damage. Itches like crazy, not scratching, ignoring, don't want to open up a wound. Color pretty normal blood pooling in the foot now.
ReplyDeleteI thought "pepper" was an anti-inflammatory.
I have to be careful with itching, too. The old wound site hasn't ever completely healed. The wound is closed, finally, but the area is scaly, and itches. I know, if I scratch much, it will open up. That is one of the more... intricate psychic self-control programs I have endured? So, I get that. What I hate worse, is when it itches, on the inside, from swelling... in past events. Nothing TO itch, but... telling the urge to itch that is a whole other thing.
ReplyDeleteAs to anti-inflammatory, or else? My guess is, even if they did the science right (which I doubt, especially if they are doing the "study" for a spice seller, or the industry), the amount of improvement is probably so small that it really isn't a truth.
Like having machinery that runs on megawatts, having a trickle of a few nano amps. Negligible. They use statistics to push whatever they are paid to push, or whatever they believe should be pushed. Now, if you are talking about a nearly dead space shuttle, those nano or micro amps might really mean something. It's just, most of the time, that's not the scale.