Mom is distressed.

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Between wrist surgeries back to back, the good weather and neighborly help, plus what I can and am doing, she has pushed herself.  Pushed to an exhaustion which has exacerbated her palsey to a serious level.  She refuses to believe in cause and effect.

I know.  I... used to push to my near ends, and suffer greatly for it.  I can plainly see what she did and the costs.  That is why I don't let her, myself, or events, push, pull, drag, or crush me that deeply anymore.  I turn off the world, crawl in bed, and sleep as much as needed, wanted... to how much want has anything to do with... anything.

If I don't roll up and rest, I get ever closer not to exhaustion, but death.  While I can't quite avoid death, I can avoid death from exhaustion.  Though my body seems to fail well before I can push there.  I've tried that too.  But, I can shove to pretty much a near catatonic state.  Which is a deep grave in wet clay-like psycic material.  A true horror from which to attempt extracting myself.  I won't go there volunteerily ever again.  There had better be damned good cause for me to risk that.

As is, I am not in the best of condition.  Still, currently, I am in better shape.  So, when she wants food, or Jasmine in or out, and a few other things, I do so.  I don't want to.  So many little nagging things happening; business, medical, house cleaning, projects, that they have absolutely worn me down, ground me into the dirt.

But, for a day or two, I will work on things.  But then she will have to sort things or learn, as I, to fast... go without.

I didn't bake the bread earlier.  Was doing too much else.  After a rest after several work sessions today, I'll get to that tonight.  I'll turn the oven on, and get the dutch oven and pizza stone going.  Rest up here with an alarm set.  Then let it bake, again, while resting up here.

We did finish the other loaf.  Toasted, with soup for her lunch.  I just had a few pieces of toasted bread with coffee for lunch.  Soup just didn't sound good.

I did look up ideas for higher elevation bread baking... from a Denver chef/baker.  More water, changes to temp, ways to hold moisture better, varitions in the amount of starter, and a few other variables.  Okay, two different vids, but with similar advice.  I'll get that all together, develop a (rough for now) recipe card, then employ that next time.

I may need to begin crafting recipe cards for each type of flour.  Victoria's keto flour will be used next time.  Then whole fresh milled einkorn the time after that.  Still, it was as good a whole wheat loaf as I have ever made.  I just hope that can be improved upon.

While sleeping, before mom woke me to make dinner, I dreamed that she had already awaken me.  Being so tired, in real life and in the dream, I was angry.  A voice came to me, told me if I am angry that I should pray.  For who and/or what I was angry at, for relief or favor or patience, both.. and... either way, and other... things.  And pray for myself, so that the anger wouldn't gain hold of me.

I forgot to thank the voice, but immediately saw the wisdom in the acts, so began immediately to pray, right there in my dream.  So, when mom called to actually wake me, well after the dream, the initial sting of anger, at being disturbed while so tired and ill, faded quickly.  I was able to get down as quickly as I could, to fix dinner and do a few things for her and home chores and tasks.  Being pleasant about it all.

Good call, Guido.  Whoevere brought me the wisdom, I wish to thank you.  I will keep that in my to-do on call list.  Sure beats being angry, with attitude.  And, I will let God know that you have favored me in His name.

Later, or good night.