On the edge of being very ill.

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Have you ever had nausea on the periphery?  Some other senses of illness too.  As if poisoned, or coming down with something?  Or both.  Nothing full blown, a fully bloomed pathological condition(s), or not fully activated, but like a hazy day versus a clear one, something obviously distinct.  Causes or causes unknown?  Well, that has been the way of things for... quite some time. 

Not quite taking me to me knees, but not quite letting me get to my feet.  I thought, maybe, it was from taking too many painpills, in too short of a timespan.  But, no.  I have taken various sorts of those for the last four days.  And higher doses (not by daily allowance but by single doses).  However, I thought back.  I have been... on the edge of illness for... quite some time.  Painpills don't seem to have improved or deteriorated my condition.  Only made my tender feet a bit more manageable.

Though, after taking them four days running, I will stop them for a week or so.  Then go for my usual of once or twice a week, with at least two days between doses.  I... have to be careful, with kidneys at 13% and liver at 20% to 30%.  Well, and heart at some greater or lesser deficiency.  Not sure a bum heart plays much of a roll in blood purification or toxin mitigation, but it may in some odd way... bp, or... some other way?

No worries.  I have been living on the edge of extinction for... longer than most people have been alive sum total.  While feeling squishy, icky, currently, other than hard dreams, I don't hurt.  That is a small if distinctly true improvement.  And I haven't consciously suffered greater pain, other than the feet, in...  years now?

It is what it is.  Mild nausea, the edge of illness or poison or both.  If for weeks, months really, now.  No worries.  I'll take my cross with as much grace as is possible, and a strange form of gratitude.  Sometimes my suffering is all I have to offer my Lord, and fellow Christians.  Specifically those in purgatory.  If that is the sum of my worth, may it act as a boon to God's will, and ways.  I wii suffer well, and with joy, if that is to be my cross.

Still, I wouldn't mind it passing, if it be God's will.

Later.