Bloggers are fools.

I decided on a few beers tonight. Four beers so far, though technically only two (I have big glasses, I hate glasses that do not fit my hand and size). I am listening to the Catholic radio station on my emergency/camping radio. I am trying to figure out how long a minute of cranking really lasts. I probably will check out the solar capacity next time I go fishing. It is actually impressive so far. I cranked for a minute a month or more ago, and it is still working.

It has been quite some time since I had a beer, here at the house, or even out on the town. My favorite place to drink out offers about, well, I do not know, but many beers. They have bottles of European, Asian, and other beer as well as some extremely fine tap beers. I thought about trying them all, and may in time, but never in one night. Even with my capacity, there are time and money limits. I prefer Budweiser, some German beer I never can remember the name of, and most Belgian beers of the monastic style (it is a very interesting brewing process). The Bud and the German beer are pure and purer pilsners, respectively. The Belgian beers are creamy, think a fine latte, or better, a French pressed fresh ground coffee. Or, that is how I see and understand. Nummy.

Well, the garage is back in play. I think I impressed my landlord. What I can do and actually do surprised him. He probably wonders why I am not making some serious money or doing something serious. He probably, though, thinks I am apathetic. What he does not and probably cannot know, is that my apparent apathy is a permanent numbness to the world. Some call it trauma. I have called it accidental transcendentalism. I suggested that to my doctor, a Hindu Indian. I thought he would lift his chin and give a belly laugh. He did not. He thought about it a second, then gave me a side glance, then looked straight at me and said “I think you hit that nail on the head”. Well, I believe it anyway. I think there is only so much a human can experience, know, and do before the flesh means nothing.

Bah, pussy psychology. I believe psychology and modern academia share an insanity that is even worse than mine. They do not care that they do not know. Yet, they believe somehow that they are correct, in spite of denying faith. In other words, they are dead to wisdom. After a recent blessing, I may have to concede that they are not evil in intent even if evil in their ends. What to do with that? I suppose, as the woman I know who has this affliction, prayer. Though, I cannot say I would not send them to nations which abide by their fruits, North Korea, as is, would be the main repatriation station.

I should also say, there are many who think I do not see the sin before me. There are those who think I do not understand. There are those who think being outside of my flesh renders me blind. They just do not understand, yet, what I am, what I know, and what I see. I will not open their minds, most cannot take it. What I see is that some of them do not even see the depth of sin which surrounds them, blinded by their own small parts of it. Neither do they see their grace, should they be humbled by their sin. I will say this once, I do see their sin and grace. It is only those who have no humility whom I see as lost, even in these, I see the edges whereby their sin could be collected, should their fall into eventual humility be caught in the correct collection plate, and with the other gifts, be offered to He who accepts even these, they can yet live.

Ok, I have fed you vampires enough for the night. It is time to find peace, if I can, and as I can even know in what remains of my life, or existence, or whatever it is I seem to remain in. Oh, by the way, my radio is still functioning quite well. Wow, a minute of cranking a month ago stored quite well.

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Hey, I thought I should give you all a heads up. Someone posted an ad, and I do not truck such, at all. If they want an add AND I have tried and like their goods AND then they pay me, you bet. I would work something out. Otherwise, keep that garbage off my virtual lawn.

I figured I would go this way, since I usually check my email and blog several times a day. And personally, I hate the word verification and it does not necessarily really help with this. So, forgive the inconvenience, or do not, doesn't confront me none as long as I get my money next payday. But know that is the rule of this land henceforth.

Yours,
DOOM

*growls*

Another day, a thnner wallet? Probably.

I woke up late again. I really struggled to wake up enough to get going but just could not do it, even after giving myself a couple extra hours to sleep after being up late. My landlord called, but I did not hear that. When he rang the bell, twice, I heard that and only got up to check who it was. He had already gone out to the garage, as I later learned. Anyway, I tossed on some shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. He was indeed working on the garage door. And, I see two mistakes I made. First, spring size. Yeah, I sort of guessed that but thought it might work anyway. Second, there was a wire that should have been attached that I had missed. He did thank me for trying, and asked if I would be around if he needs some help. Of course, especially since I failed to just get it done.

Ok, so I have never worked on such a device before. You see, there are extreme disadvantages to not having a dad around who not only does these things and gets your help and teaches. Mothers are good for boys until about 5-8 years of age, I do not know about girls. Then it should be dad who starts taking over. I actually do ok, mechanically, but only because I have some natural aptitude for that, and I have dumb strength.

I have a humdinger of a headache as I wake up. I probably should take it easy for the rest of this week. If my neighbor wants to go fishing, I will do that. And I would still like to try to make it to church these next few days. Other than that, I think I had better just stay home, drink plenty of water, and relax, or at least light duty if I do things. I pushed it hard at my mother’s place, and I pushed it hard when I got back. I have stretched my awake hours and gone out into very hot temperatures. I must have been ok to some degree though as my calves no longer hurt even after yesterdays jaunt, work in the garage (I did not have a ladder, so I used two of my truck stands, extended, to stand on while mucking with the mechanisms), and running around late getting the fish tank and then the water.

This winter I plan to learn cross country skiing. I have heard it is the best method of winter mobility, over snowshoes. In almost any snow, you really cannot just trudge through. As well, with my weight and a full pack weight, I have not found a snow shoe that realistically supports that combination. Yet with skis, there are quite a few lengths and widths which will more surely cover the weight (mass to you yahoos). I am hoping to be in good enough shape to comfortably begin weight training in the winter months too. It would be nice to get up to over double my weight again, but at my age, 400 pounds is probably more reasonable. At least I already have a half dozen (3 regular and assorted special) or more different bars, an excellent bench, dumbbells, this and that, and well over half a ton of straight weights, so no extra expense there. Though it would be good to have a weight lifting partner.

I did not check my weight this morning, but I must say, I am losing some of my belly. I think with the foods I am eating, along with the simple walks, getting out in the sun and heat, fishing, and such, I should really be getting up to speed for some serious out-of-door long term fun. I can do incredible things, if the short term, as is. At least according to my thinking and some people who have been with me at times. I just wonder what I can get up to doing again. Humans are amazing if they do not limit themselves; fear the pain, discomfort, and time expense of conditioning; and have and use a flexible brain. Of course, I have to compare to when I was 19 and I will never ever be there again. That was a whole other world. Then again, I would not like that man/boy if I met him now. I really do despise cocky punks, even if they have earned some of it.

Hmm, what to do though. I might have to get out the .22 rifle and see if the longer range is open. It is sighted in to 30 yards, but I would like to get that to 50 yards. Then I need to practice a bit and see where it hits at 25, 75, and maybe even 100 yards. It is fun to shoot anyway, so it is not like this is work. And, I have several thousand rounds in 500 round lots of various makes as I try to determine the most accurate for my rifle and pistol. Might have too look around for a 5 gallon bucket first though, so that if fishing becomes an interest, I can do that too. Dang, that means a filet knife as well. See what I mean about expenses compounding on anything one might want to do? Just a few dollars here and a dozen there, oh and that and this, and over there, it happens fast and often until the wallet is so hungry it bites the hand that fed it. Well, it is summer and I am finally able. I guess it is just the price of being more functional.

I will be so ready to sleep.

Who would have guessed? As I was cleaning the tank, I managed to set it just right so that it cracked. I am low on money, tired, and so this. Apparently it says this in the rule book of life somewhere. On the upside, I not only could but I did manage this. I went ahead and bought the tank, purchased some water (which I was going to do anyway), and set it all back up. I put the goldfish that had been in with Rocky into another tank. He did not seem to take to it well, and I am not sure he will make it even after restoring him to the big tank. Well, he is Rocky food anyway. I guess it is the idea. I do not like just giving Rocky fish, I like for him to have to work for it, as close to how he would in the wild. I would ask for no different treatment.

But it is late and I am very tired. I need to shower first. And finish up with the tank. I’m trying to give the goldfish a little time to snap out of it. Perhaps it was just the shock of being chased with the net and relocated. He does seem to be coming around. Five more minutes and he had better be ready.

I have noticed that bloggers are not blogging and news is slow. As a matter of fact, even with me getting out a lot more and doing other things so that I cannot pay as much attention to it all, it seems slow. It must be just about dead out there. I do not really care, I realize I have very little to add these days. I think men have lost to the mechanisms of socialism, so for those few freemen left, it is only a matter of surviving and perhaps passing what we can to our young. The days of despots, kings, royalty, and paupers is once again to be upon us. I am not even sure how much of Christianity has survived, though from what I am seeing, very little of it.

The goldfish did not live, so Rocky is doing what he does best.

Maybe not as planned, but not bad.

As it turns out, the beans finished cooking in the hot water that they were left in. They turned out pretty good too. One bowl of them just plain and a little warmer than room temperature, one bowl heated up with a little cheese. After getting out and about, I was too tired to mess with making rice. That gives me something to do tomorrow anyway, rice it is.

My garage door is bungled up. I am not completely sure what is wrong with it, but I found a spring which had broken and replaced it. That does not seem to be the whole problem, so I called my landlord and left a message. I actually noted the problem on my way out for my hike today, but did not want to bother my landlord as I thought a replaced spring would be all that was necessary. Another bother, but at least my landlord is a good guy and either fixes or gets things fixed quickly.

The walk was good. I cut my travel time by a third, sat down only twice, and drank a fifth of the water I had previously. I am not really going for time, I just noted the time. Then again, it was at least ten degrees cooler and the sun was shining at such an angle that I saw even less of it today. I then drove to the swimming hole. They do have a changing room, one for each sex. But I realized there is no way to secure my keys or celphone, so I skipped the swim. I will be pondering that the next few days. I also decided against fishing as I do not have anything with which to bring the fish home. Well, I am nearly all set should I decide to do either of those activities. Hmm, maybe there is metal box I could lock with a standard paddle lock then attach to something stationary with a bicycle lock for my security and a five gallon bucket for my fish, oh and a filet knife. No, I do not trust people.

After getting back and fiddling with the garage door, and failing. I then had some supper and chilled a bit. Now Rocky is getting a housecleaning. His tank was pretty nasty, so I thought it was about time. And, I am not going to feed him as often or as much. I will be good and tired tonight though. As a fact, I already am tired but I have a few things to finish up. Maybe I can tear into my house tomorrow. I do hate housecleaning, but I have put it off long enough, and I do like a clean place. If I am feeling up to it, I may take a local hike. I can stay on flat terrain, if I choose, around close. I wonder how much of a difference that will make as my paths out there are very hilly. I do not think I am quite up to going to the trailhead and then taking that path. That would be a fairly long hike just to take a hike. Oh, and I think I have pretty much ruled out hiking on city paths, I just remembered. Women just freak out when they see a man. I am big, but I am also clean cut and mind my own business. If they are that insecure, I say stay home. Oh, hey, I saw squirrels this time. Not a lot of them, but enough. And, I was nearly jogging through there so I was a little surprised I saw any. Yes, hunting season is not too far off, squirrel and deer.

Hmm, I might just have a pipe and a touch of scotch. Nothing says you have done well like a manly pat on the back. Well, after Rocky is happily, or not, back in his cleaned and sorted abode. Yes, I think so. Just a toot will do with this stuff, cask strength and $200 a bottle (I only buy it once a year, so hush, mother).

Hmmm, still tired. I'm getting to it though.

Woke up way late today. Oh well, what can you do. I am taking care of some old business that I had sort of forgotten about. I turned off my home phone as I never use it, and like I want to talk to the telemarketers who still get past the Do-not-call list. I give at the office, really, so, NO. I finally remembered to get my truck taken off insurance, but my company is pretty good about things. She dropped it back to the first of the month. Now to call the Xterra loan company and see what is up with them. They think I might not have the X insured. Well, I suppose some do not insure. Oh, yea, I have to call and see if my city will take tree bits, my landlord got busy on a tree I had not even noticed growing along a fence, somewhere. I like trees but understand one might mess up the fence, which I like more. There is something else, if I can think of it. Two of those things will save be between $55 and $75 a month at least, I believe. Dang my procrastination.

And no, I have not been out on the path yet. Though I am gearing up for it. I just packed my bag with extra clothing in case what I am wearing is too sweaty wet even after drying a bit while I take a possible swim, my swimming trunks, a swimming muscle-t, and a big old beach towel. Plus I put in a few pieces of gear I like to have for no other reason than they are guy tinker toys, though they could come in handy. A multi-tool and a strap-on head light. Get em’ at Wal-Mart, they work just as well and cost 1/5th , 1/20th , maybe even less than the others charge. Plus, they are just swell for guy toys. Oh, I will be taking my fishing gear too. Some of it. I might have to check out the rest of my stuff tonight and see if I can get all of my reels up to snuff.

I decided to start eating a lot more beans and rice. The mix offers all the proteins needed, in combination. And it is cheap protein. I will still have my steak or two a week, and sometimes I will add in hamburger to that mix for flavor and to know I am eating something big and dead, killed for me. Of course, I do add bacon bits to my beans anymore. I guess that counts to some degree. But I am a beef-eater and a bit of a snob about it. I will probably start eating a lot more eggs too, boiled mostly. It is the cheap protein thing, again. Along with the water canned tuna without mayo on (mostly, it’s the main ingredient anyway, I will not go “granola”) wheat bread. I am cooking up a pot of beans while I have been stirring, writing this, and getting business done. I do not think the beans will be done before I go, so I will just finish them later. It is an odd thing, but I never get gas from beans. McDonald’s food, eating some greasy food out, and a passing flu bug are about all that make me gassy. Sort of sad, I was always a bit jealous that my big brother could flatulate at his whim if often my horror. Wow, I mean wow, I still think something is wrong with the boy, possession, some horrible disease with no other symptom, or something. Imagine runny eyes and choking ten times a day, when I did not see him about to die and dodge the area, more if I happened to be slow, lamed up from jumping off the roof wrong, or asleep. Yes, even in his sleep! Memories.

My brother has been on my mind lately anyway. We were typical brothers, other than me being a little freaky. He was older, but I was bigger, after about the age of 4 (we are 10 months apart, technically to the day (of the month)). Mom was on my side up until I was about five, then told him not to take my guff. By then it was too late. I was already bigger and that only went down hill for him from then on. He got into wrestling in his early teens, and I could no longer take him. He never could beat me up, but he could and did pin me until I was too exhausted to wrestle. I suppose I have to say that is winning, but it was a different game. He was the good son, I was the joker and trouble. Though that was mostly just in our family. Given all, we were both pretty good kids. When we got in trouble, it was usually just being in the wrong place with stupid kids. It does happen. We both paid a heavy price for our misdeeds. Mother trucked none of it. I know both of us, when we were very young, stole a candy bar or a toy she knew we could not have afforded. She sent us back to the store, alone, to hand it in and take our punishment. Called to make sure we did. Paddled us good after that, and called it good. A smart mouth got a quick slap, too. Then again, she always let us know she loved us. She supported us when we did well. And she rewarded our excellence as a poor woman can. I will tell you the truth, I would rather have had her humble gifts than all the gold in the world. From her, it actually meant something. It was a sacrifice.

My brother and myself had ups and downs, did not always like each other, and as the younger brother I was a thorn he just could not shake. On the good side, I did not allow others to beat on him. That was my job. I thrashed more idiots than even he probably knows about for that sin. I believe he resented this, as toward the end of our life under the same roof, he would often befriend those I trounced defending him. I know I felt betrayed. When we were preparing to go into the service, I talked him out of joining the Army and into the Air Force (I had plans on being an MP). He did so, but then I got a great chance in the Navy, nuclear power school, I took it. He never did say much, but I felt his disappointment. Though I still think it was the right choice, I still feel bad about that. And, I am quite pleased he did not go into the Army. He went on, finally, to marry and have some children. His wife and I do not get along, probably never will. However, after my mother’s last visit, I think he would be open to see me and show off his little ones. I have been watching them grow up and seeing into his life through pictures for years, and I am hoping it will work out. I had left that door open for the last few years, but he had not seemed interested. I cannot say if mother did something, if something in his life made him stop and think, or a combination of those things, but I will take it. March is a ways off, but it will arrive. It would be nice to have a brother again, nieces will only add to the joy.

Another success, another day done.

I made it to the wall and received training. It was not that difficult, but next comes the climbing. I will eventually have to find a partner somewhere, somehow. I still have to go in and be tested on what I was taught, but I can practice the few things here at home that are new. I will also have to learn to belay another person better. I just have to move faster with taking up slack and hand placement, and there are a few other things but those will come with practice.

It was pretty warm in there, but surprisingly it did not bother me too much. I think I could really like this. Of course, and as I said, I have not gotten to the climbing part yet. I will want to get shoes, as the cost of an entry level shoe is $80 or so but with rental being $4, that is just 20 rentals. This first month, I will probably be doing a lot of solo climbing down low, rent the shoes till next month, and maybe find a regular partner or two.

But, dang, I am really doing it. That is great and all. On the downside, my fiscal planning is falling apart. It will be another month before I can get the reloading station. I am picking up little things for my camping excursions and I am getting going on some activities, but it just kills me when I can not plan exactly. Things and activities end up costing a lot more than anticipated, unanticipated expenses creep in as a fact of life, and there really is only so much money, time, and energy, so I am not terribly worried. That I am actually getting to these things is a small wonder.

Tomorrow I believe I will be heading back out to the hunting path. I would like to see where some of those extra paths go. I may have to get up early and go out while it is cool. This time I will remember to take my swimming gear and probably a fishing rod or two. Why waste the drive on a single activity. I do not think I will be able to make church tomorrow, what with a two hour walk, a swim, maybe some fishing, the driving from here to there, and a home shower. However, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday should be church days, and again Sunday instead of Saturday again this week as I have to pick the Q.O.D. up at between 5:00 and 6:00 pm Saturday. I will just go out Friday late afternoon for my walk and maybe fishing. I am not sure how sore I will be, but two days off is probably good for now. I can afternoon fish on those days I do not walk and wish to go to church for something extra to do. I found some glowing afterdark bait. I did not find the lantern I was looking for, but I did buy a strap-on headlamp which will do for now. It is too late to head out fishing or I would go. I try to be to bed by 10:00pm or at least be simmering down till I can rest, though if I happen to be out fishing and successful, I may make exceptions in the future.

I have been listening to the Andrew Sisters and Cohen a lot lately. Almost exclusively. They are great fun. As well, I think Cohen should be required listening for young gentlemen. I think he conveys a lot of our world in a matter of fact way. Of course, he is a bit artsy, but then what rascal, knight, or troubadour is not? There are a couple of other groups from the Andrew Sisters’ era that I have been thinking about. I cannot remember all the groups’ names but I will eventually find them. Hey, it has been a while.

Life in the dog days.

This morning was a tough one again. I did drag myself out of bed, after messing with the snooze button on the alarm and the reserve alarm clocks for nearly two hours. I am not as sore today, and that early shower helped wake me up and ease the now minor calf pain. I hear it is supposed to get to 90 F or rain, maybe both since it is Iowa, so today is a day of minor activities. I was going to go fishing, but I think I will go train for wall climbing instead. Though I think I will go out and look for some fishing gear and a lantern. If I can find a solid multi-fuel lantern in my price range, I would be quite pleased. I plan to have one or two of those in my camping inventory.

I went to mass. Neither of our priests could make it today, though the reason was not given. One of the sisters provided the service. I had never seen that done before, so it goes into my memory book. I feel sort of lucky here at this church. Not only do I feel I am at the right place for me religiously, but I also get along with our priests, nuns, and parishioners. I have been planning to take each of the avowed out for a dinner or lunch and conversation one or two at a time. I would like to know them better, maybe learn a thing or two, and just thank them for their work with a meal. If I was not a bachelor and could keep the place a little more kempt, I would probably invite them over here. I could put out a much better meal than I can afford at a restaurant, with larger amounts of food, potentially for a larger group, and tailor it to their likes. A wife might be able to assist in this, eventually. I would also like to have some of the leading laity and their families for such meals. I know little about how the church runs, yet I believe I want to know and should know more.

I tried an experiment today. Instead of adding mayo to the tuna for my sandwich, I just drained the tuna and put it on the bread then added spring lettuce. It was actually pretty good. That makes lunches even that much simpler. I am trying to simplify where I can, cut calories and gunk where feasible, and yet I am not interested in becoming a food “granola” either. Oh, I weighed in today. It seems, without eating abnormal amounts and while doing a lot more work and walking, I have gained 15 pounds since Thursday. I wonder if drinking a lot of water would do that? I think I am still about to drop a pant waist size, so I am not sure why the scale is being so rude. Actually, I do not care about the weight, it is the size, shape, and condition that I am interested in. I will probably never be 240 with a 31” waist again, or even that strong, but I could trim up a bit. And, being 6’4” sort of allows me to look thinner than I actually am. What a cheat, but I’ll take it.

A new week in a new life.

I am a bit sore this morning, mostly the back of my lower legs. It is not severe, just soft limp inspiring. It was also difficult to wake this morning. Oh, I did hear the alarms at least, but after messing with the snooze on the first one for a 45 minutes before shutting it off, and the same with my reserve alarm, I ended up sleeping until noon (they were set for 7:00 and 8:00 am). Now, doggone it, I really do not mind. I did miss church, and honestly, you can never make this up. I will not use the cosmic old humor that, “God knew about this a long time ago” excuse. First, God does not hand out permission. Secondly, He knows everything, I believe, but that does not mean He approves of everything. However, I will say He knows I am trying to do right by my health and Him. He knows as I try things, I cannot always fully gauge the affect, especially at this point. As for the church, I do not expect her to be as forgiving. She is trying to lead, and sometimes must come across as a bit cross at times. It is her nature. Sometimes it behooves us, whether dealing with the church, our mother, or our lady love to just shut up and take it. (no smirks or funnies either, for God’s and your own sake *laughs*)

I know I have been dreaming again, but I cannot quite remember them in the morning. They have not been bad dreams, my jaw does not hurt in the morning. So, this is a good thing. It means I am sleeping deeply enough. It has been becoming the norm rather than the exception lately. As I am becoming able to work and play harder, my sleep is taking care of itself. Beyond, the medication I initially needed to help sleep is no longer being used regularly. I hate taking medication, so this is good. Now if I can push past the “mother’s little helper” as the Rolling St(B)ones would put it, I will be pleased. But I think that is going to take a while. I’ll need to get in shape, and keep activities up for that to happen. That will take more time, more like six months to a year before I will monkey with that much. I will see how well this goes for the next few months, then tell my doctor. It is probably not a bad thing to have on hand, prn, but that will be up to him.

Tomorrow I will go in for training on the wall, or try. I may still be a bit sore, but that first night of training is mostly “book learning” as it was described to me. Besides, I am not so sore I could not do a little climbing even now. I will also have to make it to church an extra time or two this week. It is not to make up for missing Saturday or Sunday, it is just what it is. Oh, and I better get in for the Sacrament of Reconciliation this Saturday. I try to do that quarterly. Until recently, time really had no meaning in my life, so it was difficult to track, still is at the moment. It still has only a weird affect, in that I sort of age. I need to make a concerted effort to make time itself a dynamic and well tended aspect of my life. It is vital for a functional professional familial and spiritual life.

Depending on how tomorrow goes and how I feel, I may be back out to that path again this coming Tuesday probably no later than Wednesday. Before even going off the path, there are several paths that lead off the main path I took. I want to fully explore those. Then I would like to experiment on those paths, maybe make a little personal map, then begin exploring a bit off the paths. This time, and from now on, I will have my swimming gear with me too. Maybe my fishing gear as well. Oh, one more sure thing on my docket, I need to get my lifetime fishing and hunting license. I finally went to Des Moines a few weeks back and they printed out a form I can take in for that. I still have to buy the various stamps and pay land use, but it will cut those hunting costs in half or more and eliminate the yearly fishing fee altogether.

Winging my way! (to bed, I am dead)

Fishing. It was great to get out on the lake. Well, on the shore of the lake. And the fish were biting. Many too small to take the hook, a few big ones who just chased, and a few medium sized ones we managed to catch. No lost lures or bait, I believe. I had forgotten to purchase a license. My friend asked if I thought it was necessary, or not, and I thought so. We had to waste a good 15-20 minutes doing that. My very bad. Good thing I did though, we were checked after being there just a bit. Gee, doing the right thing paid off in spades and immediately this time. Oh, a lot of mosquito bites too to boot, but that is part of the game. The boys went with, but neither wanted to fish. My neighbor let them reel in some of his fish. It made me feel a bit guilty after having reeled in several and not having thought about the boys, once I realized what he was doing. No matter how hard I tried after that, I just could not get one hooked. Next time, I will do so as well. It helps get them involved in the fun part of fishing until they are old enough to handle and even enjoy the rest of it, I think. He is a good dad, I am taking notes.

We are going to take his boat out some time this week. Life is certainly picking up. Oh, I described the place I visited and walked today. I think he is definitely planning on hunting this year, either bow, shotgun, or both for deer. Plus ducks and maybe squirrel as well. We might have to get some practice in first. I know I will, I just do not want to take shots that should work which do not work. My shotgun is accurate, but whatever brand or type of slug I was shooting just did not have the power it needed. At 85 yards, it should take down a deer. I may have been using a sabot in my smoothbore, the wrong choke, I cannot remember exactly now, and it was my first hunt. But, I will have the right rounds, barrel, and choke should I use one this year. I would also like to check out his bow. I have never shot a bow, and I am a little suspicious of the things. Though, so far, everything I lay my hands on I can shoot competently, maybe more. It is as if I was born to it. Still, the bow is an odd thing. It brings back memories I never had.

What a day! I was up at 6:30ish am, worked up the Queen’s itinerary, got a no-go from my neighbor for the early walk and yet actually went on my own (it has been a while since I have been self-actuating). Then took a two hour jog/walk through the hills in 87 F weather. Came home, made plans for fishing, made that with a decent little walk and the usual travel up and down the bank looking for THE spot, and am just getting home. Nice, THIS day goes down as my most active day in 19 years! I am almost human, or as close as I will ever be to such creatures. I really have a chance here. The trick is to not run and fall or hold back too much. Balance, quaint but I will take that for it’s simple truth.

I have also decided I will be taking engineering calculus III this fall, on my own nickel. If successful, I will then go on and take two general electrical engineering courses in the spring, again, on my own nickel. As well, if successful, I will have all of my engineering math out of the way and have a minor in math from some other extra math work plus the engineering math I have done. If these work, if I breeze through these, I will reapply for VA financials. There is a catch, one major caveat, one self-imposed hurdle. I have decided that, with all else in my life, part time is fine, if I must. Being older, I really might not be able to handle 18 hours of classes a week and the required homework, plus keeping up with the cave, general business, medical appointments, and everything else in my real life, so, fine. However, I will not be using disability services. No extra time on tests. No quiet time testing. No nothing. If I do this, I will do this correctly or not at all. Who knows, maybe I will be able to get up to full time (12 credits) or more. I had expanded to 9 credits and was planning to up that right before the high blood pressure medicine fiasco. Odd as it sounds, it might actually help me to get to Colorado quicker. Do not ask, just trust. As for me, I will or I will not, there is no try.

Oh, I missed church though, so I will have to be up early... Ack, goodnight!

Time

In the time that is left to me

In the moments I find lifetimes,
In the days I find weeks,
In the moment I am lost.

I can not seem to recall
where I need to go.
I think I can get there all in all.

The months become hours,
the years become moments,
how to gauge this thing called life.

I will not be here tomorrow,
I left yesterday.
I will be here always,
it is not a choice.

There is no time left
to ponder my infinite fate.

Another post. I'm hoping they get a bit more exciting before too long.

I just got back from the trail. My neighbor could not go, he had a sports practice with his eldest son. We, his family and myself, may be going fishing and have a hotdog roast this evening. After I am done with this, I will call and see if his wife would like me to pick something up, or get something specific. Shoot, I had better get a fishing license too. I did not end up getting started on the trail until 10:00, so I had lost most of the morning coolness. It was heavily shaded yet sparse enough so that even without a breeze moving the air around it was not too hot. I am not sure how far I went, 3 miles and some more, up to 5 miles is my guess though. It was very hilly but the trails were well placed to alleviate some of that. My clothes are soaked, as I was driving back into town I can see why. It is already 87 F even if it did not feel like it. The humidity is only 41%, not Vegas but not bad for around here. To be honest, I am a little surprised I was able to do that. They had a few benches throughout, and I rested ever 1/3 of the way in and out. I also drained about 2/3 of my camel pack. I actually think I made pretty good time. I move at a decent pace, and actually think slowing down is an irritant and perhaps harder than just pushing it a bit.

I was a little upset that I forgot to bring swimming clothes, towel, and such though. It would have been great to chill a bit before really chilling a bit. The lake is large enough that it keeps some of it’s cool all summer. There is a swimming hole not 4 miles away, right in that trail area. Although it is a weekend so maybe it was best to not go. I noticed a number of fifth wheel campers and an RV or two going into the camp last weekend, so it seems like a busy place. I might have to check it out this coming week a couple of times. If the water is not too bad, it might even save me a shower… Well, probably not.

I did not go off the path, but occasionally I took a good look around to see some angles and get my bearing so I might have a better chance of navigating off the trail. I noticed about a dozen potential deer trails. I even found one doe nestled not more than 25 feet off the trail. The bushes, branches, and all made it difficult to see her. I was a little surprised she did not dart off while I was coming or going. She was a rather mature large doe, perhaps 4 to 6 years old. I saw a fawn briefly through the trees once as well. I also heard some large animal movements off the trail. Since we do not have bears around, I was a little worried (about drug harvesters or such) until I started seeing the aforementioned deer. I am not much of a birder, so do not rely on this, but I saw a bunch of *LBB’s, if I am not mistaken. I did not see a single squirrel though. Maybe they went to a wedding or funeral or just traveled for the weekend? Nuts!



*(little brown birds)

Time to get out of the cave?

Wow, I am sluggish this morning. I think I forgot to take my meds yesterday, that might have something to do with it. Still, I was up at 6:30ish and got the Q.O.D. the items she wanted me to pick up, then packed and to a few stores, then unloaded at her pick-up point on time and in health. I am now trying to contact my neighbor, who indicated he might be interested in hiking that hunting path. He too hunts, and he has two boys I think he wants to train. They are a bit young and not overly enthused, but I think they will come around. They enjoy their pellet gun and once in a while with close supervision, shooting their dad’s .22 rifle. Yea, I have some small envy, but it is of the correct sort. It is incentive to have some of my own, not jealousy, I guess is how to put it.

I rang their number, but no one answered, so I shall go over and knock. He may not be able to go. He had to check with the misses. See, that is where my envy becomes a little bottle-necked. Oh, don’t get me wrong. And she is a sweetheart as I see it, temper, moods, and all as I know her. It is just that honey-do or honey-do-not thing. Although, he is often exceptionally busy and time management must be a nightmare for him, being as family oriented as he is. She actually wants him to get out, if they do not have something else on the schedule. She knows he misses that, he apparently comes from an outdoorsy family. For us transplants, or for this one anyway, it feels like being an oak planted in a four lane highway. Some of this place just does not make sense to me. I have rebelled and rush only when someone’s arm is off, even then it would just be a quicker but steady pace, not this mad rush verging on perpetual panic.

Oh, I am off. Stay sweet or sour, whatever is your druthers. Just do not change too quickly, it is too early for surprises.

My day off leaves me with time to write, so...

Wow is it getting hot here. I’m really going to have to use some caution when hiking, or anything, outdoors. While visiting my mother’s home, I was starting to get tuckered that last afternoon just doing little nothings outdoors. I was worried that I was weak or off, so I asked my Mum about it. She said that it was just fine to be getting tuckered. She is an outdoorsy woman and says some days just suck the juice from your batteries (well, her idea, my terminology, give or take). I just filled my water pack, and water really tastes sweet out of it. I’m really getting excited about getting out and looking around. But a jaunt outdoors today and I realize caution is in order.

I won’t be doing that tomorrow, the Q.O.D. needs a ride somewhere. She uses part of her vacation to do an eco-canoe trip every year, for the last three years anyway. She gets together with a group, and they spend a week picking up debris from the river, banks, and islands. They pay $140 or something and get three catered meals a day (not bad, and she says the food is good), paddle a different waterway each year, and pick up trash on their way. They also have educational opportunities in the evenings (varied, from watching/helping with a bat study including placing the nets, to setting (non-destructive) traps in hopes of finding some endangered mouse, to archeological dig views and talks, and these change, of course, those are just past examples). I do not believe in many eco-stupid things, but this is one I do believe in, even if I would never do it (too big of a group, too left leaning of a group most likely, and I’m not sure I’m quite up to a week long full time event (then again, I am a pessimist at times, hrmph)). I have thanked her for her work. She could have fun and sip pina coladas, sleep, or something equally foolish but fun with her time off. And it’s always very hot when they go, it seems they luck out and pick the hottest week of the year to go. Yes, I have no problem thanking her.

Then again, if where she is going is close, I may just look around from that point. I will need to pick her up around 7:00 am, so it will still be as cool as daylight hours get. Hmmm, might have to head out to that hunting trail I found. It’s too early to hunt there, of course, but as I have said I want to check it out anyway. I’ll just have to see, Saturdays seem to bring out every “nature lover” available and they crowd nature. On the upside, if I go and it’s relatively open, there are two good swimming holes near my path of choice. That would be a great way to cool off after a couple of hours or more of being lost in the woods.

Oh, I showed my mother my blog and how to visit it (good luck with that Mom, ha). Anyway, for her if she figures it out, and of course for the blog… My mother, as I wrote before, did some home cooking while I was home. There were a number of fantastic meals. One of which was homemade authentic enchiladas! She not only made enough for us (and we both thought she absolutely did it to perfection when we ate half of that batch), she made some in bread pans for me to bring home. I shared one pan with the Obfusticattor today, and she was quite pleased with it. The other pan I am hoping to share with some neighbors. After today, I don’t think the enchiladas I have left will be enough to feed my neighbors and myself on it’s own, but with a few sides it might be fine. Dang but I love homemade Mexican food. Oh, it is not hot. My mother does not tolerate such food well these days. But it was spiced flavor correct and contrary to many beliefs, Mexican food is not always hot. Some of it is presented actually bland, and is meant to be (this was not bland, just not hot). As a side note, being more awake and aware this time, I might have stolen her recipe. Though I will make it hot(ter), as I can handle up to and sometimes the habanera itself (dictionary calls it pungent, I’m thinking more like punch in the nose by a steam train, but whatever). The recipe is easy and not easy, and it is hot work, as well, it does take time, but it works so well with so many meats, that it is a great recipe (she used one pound of beef and two pounds of ground turkey, and I couldn’t tell it was not all beef). Works with shredded chicken and turkey too, maybe pork or ground pork too, dunno. Nope, I just do not think it is enough for the neighbors. So, Miss Piggy and myself will just have to have another round of that. Maybe I could do a trial run or two, then make enough for the neighbors if it works out.

Ah, I should mention this. As I write these posts, I really don’t try to organize my thoughts. I just ramble and let you see how my brain works. I do a bit of editing, check spelling and word usage (roughly and occasionally) and organize maybe in the most mechanical sense of the word, but mostly this is just thoughts as they occur. When I begin reporting on the purchasing and testing of gear, I will try to keep that succinct, organized, and professional. I would not want someone buying rock climbing rope and using it in a tree (bad), buying a cooking camp stove when they just want a snow melter/water boiler, or some other expensive or dangerous thing (mostly, the gene pool, like all pools, should be self cleaning).

Back and getting on track.

I got back late last night. I had planned on writing, then unpacking, doing some wash, taking a shower and crashing. So much for plans. I actually spent a couple hours chilling, figuratively and literally, unloaded, started some wash, showered, and then crashed sublimely. I turned off my phone so that I would not be disturbed this morning, as it was about 3:00 am when I finally got into a losing pillow fight with my bed. I was K.O.ed before the first bell. I woke well this morning, but not until around 10:00 am.

So much to catch up on, but I find that I’m not really losing track that much. It all looks familiar. Different day, same faces and stories. Go figure that one, eh. Immigration opponents outnumber proponents ten to one, but all politicians are in the in the “one” department. Of course, there are 10 to 30 million guaranteed proponents of illegal amnesty, and I’ll bet most of them are voters in spite of their “legal” situation. The war in Iraq, despite what CNN and a little less than half the population says, is still supported. President Bush’s popularity decline has nothing to do with it or congressional popularity would not be even lower. Nobody likes politicians except illegal aliens, wait, no they do not either. People are still happy and unhappy, living, writing, and talking. Hmmm, oh, and all that other jazz.

As for me, it was a good week. I got a lot done for my Mom. A half dozen bigger jobs (some of which I needed help or helped others do), a dozen small jobs, a few things she had not realized needed doing, and a few things that just helped her while I was there but would not really be called tasks. Oh, and boy did I get some home cooking! It was some fine food. I also checked her computer, her computer works well. I think she is letting a 14 year old goof on it, which renders it useless at times. She will not change, so she is stuck with what she gets. Bah! She is on this anti-diet coke kick because of an email (rightly most likely though foolish in that I had warned her off the stuff years ago), so I’m trying to get her to go further. I am unsure what is used to replace fat in “fat-free” goods, but somehow I doubt it is a good thing either. Her no-stick pans have scratches in them, so I am trying to get her to go to something else or at least replace them. I am considering replacing her gear but I am reconsidering that, as I do not believe she will get rid of her steel spatulas and cooking spoons, which even the best non-stick will not tolerate and she does not seem interested in change. I tried to talk her into going back to cast iron, but she says it is too heavy for her now. I’m also trying to get her to start walking. I do not think it will happen. As well, in spite of letting me think she had quit smoking, she has not quit. I need to wash my clothes as soon as I get home for that reason, and I do not like having that smoke smell on my clothes while I am there and go into town, smoke is a bit nauseating and depressing on a daily basis. Oh, I did find out about her health. She does not have lupus, she has a much more minor (and imminently treatable) condition. She was put on a very heavy though devaluing-over-time dose as a curative that probably did make her ill. By the time I left, she was spry and ornery again. It was very good to see. She may have a heart attack or a stroke in a week, have an accident, or whatnot and be gone fast for one reason or another (and will soon or late), but if she is living well and enjoying life in the interim, it will be easier to deal with that.

On the flip side of the coin, I think she was a bit surprised at my health. I was able to get quite a lot accomplished. And though I had my limits, they far exceed what she has seen in years, perhaps decades. Not only did I not mind working, I looked for things to do beside the list she had. Some things she might notice, others maybe not. Since I was not always tired, I was also not cranky. I think she is starting to understand some things and have a little faith in what I have told her. Seeing, after all, is believing. And, though not svelte by a long shot, I am in far better condition than I have been for years. I am hoping this summer will see a shaving of some more mass and an overall strengthening and toning of my body. I weighed in at under 280, if by only a sliver, for the first time in about 9 months, but the way my clothes fit says a great deal more is going on than what even the scale says.

My hiking gear is in and fits, so probably tomorrow or Sunday, I will find some of these trails and begin exploring more. A water camel, a pack with a proper snack or two, the raincoat, pants/shorts, a t-shirt, and my Dr. Martins should see me well through many miles this summer. Hmm, and there is the rock wall. It sounded like Fridays were not a good time to be getting training, so I will just go in Monday. Today I am going to chill here at home, get some of this squared away, finish my laundry, and rest up a bit.

Oh, I did make it to church then to my church event that last Sunday. I was on time and ready. I dressed more bohemian than proper, wearing blue jeans, a dressier oxford shirt (button down), brown heavy oxford shoes, and my woolen sport-coat. Not a bad look, considering I begin with a Frankenstein look anyway. Well, I was a bit warm and a bit overdressed. Still, I was comfortable with that and will learn to dress down a bit. As well, I met several people I had not seen for a bit and enjoyed that and mass very much. I met my obligation, and felt rewarded. Mass was fantastic by itself. I saw the first procession and it was an amazing service to me. I am not used to kneeling for that long of a stretch, and kneeling itself is sort of new and not quite yet comfortable, but I saw some humor in this. When I was 18, watching people 1/3 my age out ski me; when I was still in classes and watching people ½ my age out work me; and now watching people twice my age out kneel me, well, it happens. I was so impressed with this Sunday that I will have to switch in at least one Sunday a month, though Saturdays will be my usual. Oh, I forgot to go to coffee hour! Really. I had intended to attend, it seems my feet get carried away before my brain kicked in. That too happens.

It just goes to show, as soon as I think I have it all figured out I realize I do not. I like this game.

Time to go.

I am moving slow, but I have about an hour, assuming a half hour for this post, to get to church. I don’t feel like going, but my feelings are just that, my intentions are more to fact.

She has called twice since our trip, once to make a faux complaint in order to actually mention how glad she was for the trip and to thank me for a wonderful day. This morning she called to see if I was going to take my strawberries (of course, too precious and rare to leave to rot) to my mother’s home. She was looking for a freebie, which I don’t understand as she bought four or six quarts herself. Bah, probably reminding me to take them by poking a stick into my defenses to activate my greed to make sure I took them. But, because of her call, I realized my fish could use some food while I am away. Yep, poking in some honey pots produces bees. So, she said she would feed them if I left instructions. Knowing her, and I do, I told her rather than explicit instructions, I would leave the containers on paper, a paper for each tank and labeled as such, with a sample feeding for each tank. It will have to be a little heavier doses as she will feed them once daily while I usually feed them twice a day, except for my every other day beta feeding.

It looks like Rocky got tired of his pellets. He ate the biggest gold fish in the tank. I sort of saw that coming though. Not that Rocky (a crawdad) had been hungrier for fish, but the big boy (never named him as he was Rocky fodder from the start) had started getting fat and lazy. Now, he is a pile of scales and crawdad poop. I do love Rocky, he knows how to treat food right. Right now Rocky is lazing over in a corner, wishing he could watch a Super Bowl game or something, even a rerun would do after this little thanksgiving dinner. Probably crawdad belching too.

It looks a bit cloudy and it’s rather cool this morning. Good, that is how I prefer it. Well, ok, I am trying to get beyond that. Hmm, maybe I’ll have to go all cheery and like the weather all the time (which I sort of do anyway, in spite of my sometimes stretched sometimes real gloom at times). Ok, I’ll do that but I do not have to act all cheery or admit to it. Yes, that is the ticket. Do not go there, I save some space for backsliding a bit, energy and mood reserves, and just being somewhat ornery, obstinate, cantankerous, and dark. It is not a bad thing. Not one of my favorites scotches, cigarettes, cigars, or lady friends has ever been without serious bite. Even my cats have been, hmmm, in the realm of near feral. Although it seems my past German Shepherds and preferred pipe tobacco reflect my more serious formal smooth lawful ways, go figure.

It is time to move. I will put on 22 ounces of French press espresso and that should hit the “do not touch that button” button. Have a great Sunday. I hope you find a way to give God his dues, as your faith and ability allow. He does not need us, but like any father, it brings him no small joy to see us and receive our humble gifts. I’m taking him my feeble works, attitude, fears, and hopes, and both my good and bad, which will go into the plate with some ducks. He cares for us wholly, even better than Rocky does his fish, no remainders and He is not destructive. I wonder if he watches football?

A long good day.

What a wonderful day! We met at the farmers market, both of us were late and exactly on time, that is, we were both later than our agreed on time by fifteen minutes. We often do this, rarely ever having good natural communications, our plans often fail in a fortuitous manner (so long as one or the other doesn’t get fussy about particulars and hold up the show to try and coordinate the show, that “one or the other” is usually not me:). She bought her produce fairly quickly, I was impressed. It seems she no longer wanders for hours, but has a set number of automatic vender visits, a few occasional venders on her list, and a she makes a quick assessment of the rest in an orderly and quick fashion on her normal route. She let me in on which strawberries tasted the best (she is usually spot on). So, I grabbed two quarts. I don’t generally buy other stuff there, I’m not a vegetarian, I don’t believe in organic, and I am probably not even an omnivore truth be told. Every once in a while some animal I am ingesting hungrily happens to be too close to some vegetable for me to pick out (it doesn’t actually have to be all that close, think hand grenade range). Green, white, red, yellow, I really don’t care, I’m pretty sure it can even be a little alive, somewhat snappy or creatively disinterested in being et (“et” is legal (means past tense or act of being eaten, or something close in Scrabble) much to the Q.O.D.’s regret; her game that I play yet despise so I use “et”, much to my joy). I also become color blind and slightly indifferent when I smell hot meaty somethings nearby.

Good to her word, she bought breakfast. Over our breaking of bread, we discussed the day and the details. We initially thought our destination was much closer, and discussed the drive time and route, according to our then understanding. We discussed what she was looking for. She gave me her details in a very girly way, I thought. This or that, or maybe and could be, but certainly not that unless… I think, I almost remember her saying something about something (I zone when she talks out her butt or it results in a headache). She just got off work, so she is like that. Well, no, she is just like that. We finished our meal, and having driven ourselves to our meeting points, we parted ways and returned to deposit our vegetal and or fruity finds to our perspective abodes.

It took me forever. I dropped off my red things and sorted what I needed for the day, grabbed it, and out the door. Then went to fill the X’s gas tank. Then I remembered she wanted printed maps, so, back to the house. Tick-tock, tick-tock, the clock incessantly moves in one direction. Finally, I started over to pick her up. On my way, I see two messages on my phone telling me she has called. First to check, then a second message saying she is too anxious to sit and has started walking to my place. In that last, she gives me some streets she’ll be walking along. Hmmm, like I know the streets, or even care here. I just know where I’m going and go. Though I know some are closed to traffic, but does she know? So, I head over the way that seems the most likely, while I give her a call. As it turns out she is home and of course she knew those roads were closed. *sigh* She has to know by now that street and road names and numbers are things I neither know nor care to know, and that she often does not know things she should.

The trip was a fine one. It was warm, after letting her choose between open windows and air conditioning but noting the manual suggests closed windows and air at highway speeds for best fuel performance, added to the fact that she is paying for gas, she chooses air conditioning and adjusts it just so… or, actually, I play with it for a few minutes until Her Heinous is comfortable. It’s funny, but I’m finally into open windows and no air conditioning now, around town or in slower speed areas for sure, even on the highways if I’m feeling flush (if only feelings paid for gas!), and so is she, usually. Why she differed today, I will never know. Especially after not wanting to even ride five blocks with the ac several days ago (and before I had converted to open windows).

The printed map suggested a longer journey then either of us had thought, and gave a time to destination of three and a half hours. I laughed at this, though cautiously… I’ve been wrong before. Without speeding or rushing, we made it in under 2 hours. Finding the place she wanted to visit was a breeze and we actually had fun doing so. I suggested a cross pattern search, which worked well, vectoring us in like driftwood in a whirlpool. I let her decide which way to turn some of the time, and decided myself a time or two. We found the street then the place very quickly. It just so happened that there was a decent restaurant around the corner. So, a little food, some tea, as well as coffee for the lady, a consummate coffee addict (and snob), and then into the targeted store we went. On the way to which we espied, and suspected a future visit to, a nearby soda fountain.

At the store she looked and prodded and complained and was quite unhappy. Imagine any over tired child trying to pick something even in her favorite store. I know not to rush, placate too much, nor does getting annoyed help. Simple advice, coincidental and relevant thoughts shared as background sound, and just being present seem to be the best help I can offer. She eschewed the man and woman who worked there, looked at everything three times, not liking anything, chose something or two, discarded one of those, then after a half hour or more of being fussy, she finally did as I suggested and spoke with the young woman working in the store. The story is more, but this is enough. All in all, it was quite better than some occasions, most actually.

Usually she asks for my advice only to reject it before she has heard it. I have learned that to guide her to the way of wisdom, I should recommend the opposite. Knowing when to suggest the opposite from wisdom and when to offer simple direct correct advise is a bit of an art when dealing with her. I’ve received glares from employees for my “bad advice”, a glare which fades immediately after working with her for more than ten seconds. A sympathetic look creeps into their stance towards me, and a little wonder and puzzlement seen in their visage when facing me. (How do you put up with this? I’d like to tell them that “this” is mild, she has mellowed. And, should I like them at all, perhaps I might baby them at times too.)

As we picked up her item, after an information exchange (she wants more information on her purchase), we put the purchases (I bought a toy) into the X and I was almost prepared to get going, as she seemed ready. We had seen the soda fountain ice cream parlor next to our eatery, and she had seemed to want to go to it after our shopping, but seemed instead ready to go home rather than have some dessert. This was not the case, so, we popped over for an chocolate ice cream cone for her and a cherry ice cream soda for me. Nice, cooling and collecting as well. Happy, cooled, sweetened, fed, and spent in money time and energy, it was time to turn the machine homeward.

All the way up and most of the way back, she was having me play one cd after another, listening to one song on this cd, ten songs on that one. She was searching for a piece but she did not know the group, title, or even bits of the lyrics. She was sure I had it, and I am pretty sure I do as well (just a feeling). We went through everything from Black Sabbath to Judas Priest, to Foreigner Four, to Deep Purple, and many others. She caught me off-guard with that last, knowing and liking a rendition of “Kentucky Women” by Deep Purple I neither liked, nor had even ever listened to long enough to recognize as such to my memory. She was clapping and having as much fun as any thirteen year old girl, listening to her weird music, in her own world. She might not trust my senses, or trust my wisdom, but she does trust me or she would never have that kind of fun around me. During the trip, it wasn’t the first time she had enjoyed as such, but for some reason and to me, it was the most poignant. Perhaps since I liked this piece so little, I noticed her joy the more. These were fun times.

I did not make it back for mass on time! Still, I did not rush up or back. There is tomorrow. Sundays are not my favorite though. It is formal, it is mostly attended by large families (who have their preferred and time honored seating, for the most part), and it is earlier than I prefer to be social. As well, there is the chance I might be pulled into a social hour. Not that I mind those, but at that hour, I really don’t want to talk to you or them. As well, as a single forty year old male in queerville, it is assumed that I like men or have been rendered androgynous.

Having to say, “No, dick is not my thing and hairy asses turn me on like a quick, sharp, unexpected kick to the balls. Beyond, viewing the former and receiving the latter have a similar effect actually, one mostly mental the other mostly physical as points of effect origin, I’ll leave you to figure out which is which. I have been disabled for 20 years, as such, I have been unable to catch or be caught by a proper lady. Though, I have known many rather unsavory, if pretty women, before I became devout. Should you need some “references”, just let me know. Maybe I should give the data to your husband, you look a little… well, tired.”, just doesn’t seem like a likely fix to this social indelicacy though I really really really want to say that. One woman even hinted at this by saying “Oh, you want to be with the men.” after I indicated I wanted to golf with some of the gents, or have a men’s coffee hour. As well, why would I want wives around, they screw up guy time, can not compete or even keep up in the sports I am interested in, and like I trust wives! I’ve known one too many wives, from before mind you. Bah! They’ll figure it out if they produce a likely female candidate and I promptly pump out a legion and a funny walking wife even before my little troopers. So far, no prospects. Though, like I said, this is queerville with dogmatic political correctness as it’s local law. And I am soooo politically correct. *scratches head* Go figure on the prospects. *laughs* No blood, no foul.

I have a busy day tomorrow, mass, a church event, and a drive home if I’m not shot (to my Mom’s). I will not be blogging for a bit, but will have a few items on my return. I’ll have to get the old girl a massage and a few chits for more if she likes them. She needs a treat about now, and something to look forward to which gets her out and about. Though she might have some other need or want. It’s difficult to know with her.

It is a great day.

I should amend that last post. I will not comment on other people’s blogs and I will not more than blog some of my daily life on my own blog. There is no need, I think everyone knows the score regardless of what they do with the knowledge. This blog is, after all, for my use and I already know what I think and why. I am now thinking boring is good.

I made it out to a path today. I had only meant to see where it started, but the wind was soothing, the sun was flirting with the clouds and so tame yet warm. My feet just did their thing. I only spent about 25 minutes strolling the hilly path, half up and half back of course. I had no water and was already becoming thirsty at the halfway point. I was wearing heavy clothes and a heavy jacket and they really did bind and bog me down. At least I know where one of the trailheads is and it is close.

After that, I drove around to several wooded hilly public properties. I am not sure if they are county, state, or federal. I found indications of a few trails but no specific trail head in a few cases, and a few actual trail heads in other spots. One indicated hunting would be allowed, so I’m thinking I have one sure place for squirrel season. Plus, if I walk the area enough beforehand I’ll feel more comfortable taking a shot. It was a great day, I will have to remember to give thanks that I can and did get out and enjoy it.

The Q.O.D. has plans for tomorrow. She is looking for the perfect canoeing gear. She is looking for a* inflating PDF, paddling gloves, and another item or two. She would prefer a self-inflating vest with the option of switching that to manual inflation. I like the idea, and I’ve been searching for this, but with only modest luck. I found a few that seem to fit the description though I have some doubts. I am thinking the optional part can not be set to intercede the automatic part. In other words, I think the user could set the thing off while dry, but as soon as it’s wet (how wet I don’t know), it will go off no matter what the user wants. I’ll keep digging on that.

(* A question to those English types, a or an is used for nouns according to what the first letter of the noun (generally, though I still us an historic for example). When using inflating as a description for PDF, I write a _____ PDF rather than an inflating (etc.) PDF, right? Just curious. I’m not even sure how to look that up, or where.)

Her plans are to meet at farmers market, slip over to breakfast (her treat), deliver the produce (if they have strawberries, I’ll be sure to buy), then spin around Iowa a bit. I used to despise back roads, but with the Xterra, it’s all I take if I can figure them out and have the time. We are finally in accord on this, though we differ on when time is critical. It saves on gas and offers a much better view of the country. There are lots more trees, farms that seem more like the farms of my youth, curves hills and dips, small towns with some fairly amazing restraints very occasionally. And, the pace is slower. I might spring for lunch assuming she is planning on paying for gas. That assumption is not an option, the trip is hers and for her want not need, the use of my vehicle would just be to save a few miles on her older and tired truck. Though I might X something off her Christmas list and help or just buy a PDF if she sees one she really likes but can’t quite do it. Everyone needs a Santa, even one as her and a Santa so sorry as myself. Uhm, she might also be looking for a truck rack for her water craft.

I won’t be able to climb next Monday! I am heading up to my mother’s place Sunday and won’t be back until Thursday. Dang, Q.O.D. wants something Thursday too. Hmm, I’ll see how my Mom is doing. If ok, I might have to head back Wednesday night. Mom’s health gets priority though. I have a nearly completely open schedule, but as soon as I try to do something the gang seems to show up all at once. Bah, I enjoy it. Don’t let me fool you.

I can not wait until some of the gear I ordered gets here, well, actually I can. It really is nicer to have the right gear, whether it be for hiking, climbing, camping, or what. I can see where I might spend hours out there. Oh, one thing I was thinking while out and about… There might be trees far enough off some of the paths to climb, maybe even camp in if I am very quick, quiet, and blend in a bit. I don’t have that gear either yet, but it would be good to explore a bit further and find out for sure.

Vexed, disjointed, unnerved, and tired, I think it's time for quietude.

I didn't make the 6:15 pm training session, so I tried the 8:00 pm training. It didn't happen. Though I had been told 6:30 or 8:00 would be fine, that doesn't seem to be the case. The woman I spoke to in person has said Monday (at 6:00 pm only) would be my next chance to take the course. No problem, if a little disappointing.

My mother called and suggests she might have lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. Her computer or her software is woefully outdated, though her skills aren't something I trust either, in any case she couldn't get online to look these up. I did that, and just sent here the best information I could. I haven't had time to read it fully, though it looks as if whichever it is, there are treatments that work. I'll be visiting soon and will go in with her when she gets either the news or more testing. I told her I would keep her in my prayers. She's an old bearcat, but I do love her and hate to think she suffers. When she slowed down a bit ago, I kept asking and she said she was fine, I didn't believe her. Actually, I'm relieved. I was hoping she wasn't going to sandbag me by knowingly keeping secret that she had cancer.

I'll be visiting blogs still, but I think I should be very quiet for a good long time. I've said a lot. I've said too much. I might should stop blogging for a bit too. Zip.

Goodnight.

The Queen calls, so I'll make this short.

Another good mass. Now at mass, they sort of hooked me at church. I had never heard of a two-part sermon, sorta thing, but that’s what they did. The last half is tomorrow. I hadn’t planned on going but I guess I will. Plus, I met a fellow who had been in my initiation class. We went for lunch at a nearby barbeque shop and discussed life as new members of the church and life in general. I’m trying to get him to walk some paths and get in a bit better shape. I am not so sure he is interested. Dang, I forgot to ask if he golfs. I’ll have to send an email.

I got a call back from the “guy who runs the thing” at the rock climbing wall. Sounds like my size won’t be a problem and I am more comfortable knowing what to wear, as the woman I talked to initially, was like, you know, sort of like, unsure, but thought maybe, like, this or that would be, like, ok. She was not happy to be talking to me either. At least the “secretary” and the “guy who runs the thing” were pleasant. So, tonight at 6:00 I’ll drive over and see if I can get this going. Of course I am excited, but a little nervous too. I pay twenty dollars, then they teach me what they believe I really need to know, then I come back in “soon” and they test me on my knowledge retention. Well, that’s all fine and good, but it’s been decades since I tied a knot so I’m hoping we aren’t looking at even ten pseudo complicated knots, plus other information. Hmmm, might have to take a note pad, take down the names of the knots, maybe sketch a few things, and of course general notes. I’m also a little unsure about my ability to climb. I guess one never knows until one tries. I’m probably worrying too much.

The Q.O.D. didn’t stop by today. However, she just called with an, as usual, cryptic plea. She just indicated she needs brute strength, something she unhappily admitted she didn’t have. Oh, she also indicated leather or a shoehorn might be good, to protect my fingers. I suggested gloves, at which she said “Oh yeah!” *Ding* So, I’m off. And it’s raining, thundering, and probably some tornado or high wind warnings. Dunno, just looking out my window, I really don’t listen to the news.

Update: (and a few corrections)

The task was simply assembling a cot. Now, I’m not going to belabor her delicacy as other than in a cutesy way when she is over one of my lines, it isn’t something I bother about. It’s just a fact. And, to be honest, I feel for her. She tries her little sparrow heart out, but her body does not match her will nor my pinky. The task was simple, I didn’t need to use any of my real strength, just a few flicks with a thumb which was little more than flipping a light switch. A few of the joints needed a bit more, but not so much as to require even a fraction of my concentration.

No nap.

Well, it was fairly easy to get my blog list up, right after I procrastinated a bit more and looked over some climbing gear and a compass. I didn't ask if I could or should link. Why? It's not like loons flock to my place and look for associated links to crash or anything.

And to those I have added, your sites are alphabetical. I DO have favorites but I couldn't get them to order the way I like, so they went up this way. And, I missed a few of my favorites, occasional, and random rares. I have my favorites bookmarked in several folders and here and there. I'll (probably) get them in. These aren't here to up your visit count, swell your pride, or fundamentally support your ideas, they are up so I do not have to clicky through four or five levels of bookmarks in four or five file folders. Though if you actually think it's a pat on the back and I were in your shoes thinking that way, I'd take it. If it actually helps your count, great, though I think that idea is funny. In the end, I visit as I link as I live, scattered but getting better every day with no hope of perfection, probably not even a chance at regularity, in this realm.

Uhm, as I said, I read these. I don't always agree. Sometimes with the womenfolk, I cannot even understand what is written. I do like the writing, the ideas, and I believe I like these folks, some of them from a distance only, others could be like brothers or sisters.

Now it's nap time. Bah, can't sleep, I can tell. *grumbles about this and that*

"Why me?" They whine. "Why not, ha!", I say.

I’m going a little stir crazy. The grand plan I am making will take some time to come to fruition, as finances, education, and experience require it. Other more easily accessed activities are seemingly just as difficult to plan, playing phone tag with those who have the information or can provide access seems to be the norm rather than the exception. As I try to wiggle my way into some form of mainstream living, I suspect these are just the first of the inconveniences I will face. It is not likely to be the most severe either. Thankfully, one of the qualities I gained is patience. Though, my patience has altered over the years from a simple one to an assertive one. Even if I can not bypass a block of some sort, I will go on to other things and keep my eyes and ears open for workarounds I had not seen to some initial seeming dead end or work stoppage. Still, with most of my money for the next six months for sure tied up in these plans, I am having to cut back on normal fun activities and spur of the moment jaunts to something new and exciting. The rain isn’t helping.

Right now, among other things, I am trying to figure out precisely how, what, when, and if at the rock climbing wall. I left a message with the manager, or as the probably 18 year old “secretary” put it, “The guy who runs the thing”. I’ve been contemplating buying a few essential pieces of rope gear and rigging my own harness and giving it all a whorl. It’s raining though, and it seems it will be raining a great deal this spring. So, maybe I’ll hold off on rope until later this year. I know out there I may very well be climbing in the rain. But I am also pretty sure I will have experience by then. As well, self teaching is difficult and risky as is, even with some experience and training at the rock wall. This is a risks I can mitigate and so I will. Still, it would be fun to have the rope and some gear on hand. Hmmm, too much temptation though?

I have ordered a small lumbar pack, a waterproof lightweight stowable jacket, and some durable versatile pants, and with these, my camel water pack, and some Clif bars, I intend to begin forays into the hitherto unknown bike and pedestrian paths here in my own twin city region initially, then begin a search for more challenging and wild paths and places. I found maps of the local paths and will begin treading those paths when that gear arrives, happily whether it’s raining or shining. I suspect that I might end up eating a lot of time out there. And no small sum of it will be spent figuring out where I am, where I want to be, and how to amend the situation. It might be a good time to begin compass training, something I had listed but almost forgotten about in the grand slam plan. So much to do while no planning can cover it all, nor even all remembered at any given time. It seems it has to be experienced and then one can begin making more detailed plans, setting aside those items or ideas that at first seemed necessary, and then accurizing one’s gear and thinking to the tasks at hand. But this is not a lament, it is a foreconcluded part of why I am doing these things at all.

Oh, the Q.O.D. stopped in again this morning. No, she doesn’t love me, though she sort of likes me. We dated for a year or two, moved in together for four years (the first half of which we were engaged and involved, the last half we were platonic housemates). It took a bit, but she came around to being and having a friend from such circumstances. She hasn’t changed one iota though. On her visit today she had a hankering for bacon and coffee, which I proffered. She forgot her “go cup” so I lent her one I had purchased for her some Christmas or birthday past (which she rejected for one fuss-budget reason or another), fed her the bacon, let her use my laundry facilities, and saw her off. After doing some outside work, she stopped back to check on her laundry, razz me some more, and then headed off for a final time. She actually works nights, but she makes a little money in the spring pulling a particular invasive species from a wealthy friend's lot and when that dries up, she heads off to the (becoming) organic farm to work for produce. Those last are not bad gigs, as she loves the soil anyway and the work she does in both places she might well do for free anyway. She’s a pest, but I usually enjoy her company anyway, and she is only mostly wrong. *laughs*

Shoot, I thought putting blogs on my pages would be an easy task. The blog form I am using does not have that set up to go as some do, so I will either have to do a bit of digging online, maybe even Google’s sight has the code somewhere, or pull out my HTML for Dummies book for specifics. I’m working on it, alright. Well, ok, I’m thinking about working on it.

Nap time?

Hydrogen cars in California, heading your way?

Hydrogen powered everything seems to be such a rage. At the university, while attending the engineering section, the professors seemed gaga over it. Well, that and CO2 credits, for which they and/or their friends were opening one of the trading boards, in Chicago I think. Anyway, it seemed like an interesting prospect, and these being men of not just professional advanced education but innovators and entrepreneurs, I believed it behooved me to investigate. It seems that my lesser education is finer than their greater education or I am free to think for myself. Beyond the improbability of even ‘neutral energy cost hydrogen’* being produced or the devastation caused by ignoring that fact and producing hydrogen anyway, the rest of the scenario completely falls apart.
*(hydrogen being produced which produces as much energy as it took to make)

The energy problem is a simple thing really, as soon as we develop cold fusion. Then we get to the rest of the matter. Has anyone really considered what hydrogen, in too large of doses to react with (or, more accurately be bound by) the atmospheric gasses will do? Hint, it will escape our biosphere. Now, a spacecraft and all inhabitants leaving the earth and failing to return is not a factor, how about a million or billion of them? As well, we aren’t talking about even rare metals or plastic, hydrogen is a vitally important element. Too little here and our water problems will skyrocket. Imagine how much of this gas it would take to fuel vehicles and tell me there wouldn’t be tons of escaped gas and that some significant part of that escaped gas would leave the atmosphere. Has anyone considered what it would take to transport this fuel? I have, of the three means which would be rational (rational meaning timely and in large enough quantities to sustain demand), none are safe or cheap enough for standard use if they could even somehow be made to work. This has nothing to do with manufacturing costs or infrastructure start up costs, it has to do with losses of hydrogen in the gaseous state (via a pipeline for example) or the costs and mass of vehicles or even train cars which could both freeze and then transport that system and the now frozen gas. All of these means have huge safety issues beyond the expense or loss issues, though all of those issues mingle at points. Then there is the idea that slips through every discussion, from what is hydrogen to be derived? Ah, water, clean clear potable water is just the ticket. Ok, how many people in America currently live in water restricted regions? (No thanks to government controls and oversight of that “industry”, but that’s for another topic.) So, if we are using an already becoming scarce resource to also fuel our cars, where will that come from. But of course, we will just build desalination plants! Add that to the energy costs (until we have cold fusion, also using fresh potable water, don’t worry it will all work!). And, the cost of running these plants is so substantial, not even considering energy costs, that even in the US the government is restricting water rather than building desalination plants and shipping the water to where it is needed via relatively cheap pipelines. There is more, but really, get through that and I might talk more.

Now, I actually do believe these people know everything I have just put down, or at least the engineers in the group. They probably know more. They also know that to keep their jobs and to not be ostracized by their peers in other fields, they must tow a line which is untenable to logic, reason, or real science. It seems to be the case in politics, religion, science, health, and all other professions. So, who is presenting this and fostering retarding thinking? Who could engender the greatest minds (in theory) and the most active leaders to abandon wisdom and knowledge for foolishness? But more, who could do so over such a wide range of professions, peoples, and institutes? There are really only two choices, even in science the smallest element is digital which is binary. You should have a coin handy, flip it, what does it tell you? As for me, I’ll keep that “gold” dollar in my pocket. The answer known, tales it is. As well, I know that answer means little in the grand scheme of things. Oh, by the way, California has the cars and some of the infrastructure.

The time is drawing near, but, what time?

On the blogs I visit, I have been posting about change, prophecy, and the orders (natural, historic, political, cultural, and social specifically). I have not been going into great detail, as politics seems to be focused on players and minor aspects of social or cultural variances while missing completely the overarching realities that are achieved through modern governance. Discussing a specific mule, elephant, or third party politician would be as likely to disclose a real political truth as discussing the actual animals. Beyond that, most people are so threatened by the truth, real probability, and how it relates to their current lives, beliefs, and choices that any great depth would be rejected outright.

I am sure, even writing as timidly as I am at those sites, I am seen as extremely negative. On the contrary! Thinking I am negative about how our world, in the US or abroad, is about to change or noting the causes of that change is as negative as explaining to someone standing 40 feet in the air on a board that is about to break that the board is about to break and that they should either step away, secure themselves in some manner, or prepare for a fall. As noted before, I did not go very far in describing the real world as it is. I never went so far as to suggest what could be done, nor the consequences of not doing so. I left it at, in comparison, noting that the US, and various parts of the world, are putting their whole weight on cracked timber with neither a security hold on the lumber’s support nor a safety line or net.

This is my place, and I will explain more fully here.

The US is in serious trouble. Our government is allowing immigration at a rate which cannot be sustained in order that the natural citizen maintain his lifestyle. Our government is using poor and non-existent “science” to force industry out of our nation, inflate the price of fuels, and increasing the costs of all goods in these ways. Our government is fostering a social and cultural reality that is unsustainable, in that women who were are first invited to work are now forced to work rather than have children, and when they do have children, the children are being forced into public schools which not only fail to educate but also strip the child of morality, local social norms, and even Christianity itself. Our government is further endorsing and supporting the culling of our next generations simply by doing nothing about a law that essentially gives it the right to kill indiscriminately which it then lends to pregnant women, and in so doing the government is forced to allow the aforementioned immigration. These aren’t Republican or Democratic issues, they are simply the fact of what our government is doing regardless of which party has been in power. And, this is only some of what is wrong in an unsustainable way.

What can be done about this? Many things, none of which will be popular. None of them will be easy. And, it may be too late. What, for example, would help? The elimination of the EPA, Education, and several other departments. The deregulation of almost every industry. An elimination of about half of the police force and laws. An encouragement of local governance, by the people in everything from health and safety to education. An elimination of most taxes, federal, state, and local, being reassessed beforehand with a realistic cost analysis of roads, infrastructure, police, diplomatic (trade negotiations), military, and a few other constitutionally supported needs. An elimination of all forced integration, women’s (and other minority’s) equality of employment guarantees, and most civil rights legislation. Hey, ladies, if you don’t trust men or employers, why do you trust the government? Ah, because it seems to be giving you what you want in spite of the greatest dissatisfaction and actual social weakness of the female population being listed in countries such as ours over even Muslim nations. Hmmm, figure that one out honestly, then pipe in.

Barring those things, simply put, our nation will fail as a nation in less than 50 years. There isn’t another way. We are a dying people and the rest of the world is growing. Our technology only works to a certain ratio and then it fails. Lifting a two-ton vehicle with a 20 to 1 pulley system is something technology can allow a man to do. Adding forty people, slowly or quickly, to that vehicle and the guy at the rope is going to fail or just quit. Our culture is at stake, our real culture. The one many think we have, the one many seem so attached to, is more of a lack of culture, a vacuum. We are only left to, potentially, hopefully, to choose what will fill the void or to let whatever group wins the number or war game to choose.

Now, will some country always exist here? Sure it will. If you want to know what it will be like with no massive changes, visit Mexico City, then go into the countryside around it. Talk to the people all along your visit. Ask how many have running water, how safe they are, how helpful their laws, police, and military are, how good their medical treatment and facilities are. Granted, if these things that I suggest happen, we will lose many of today’s accesses. We won’t have a big brother. What we will have are communities, social networks, and families and be based on realistic personal responsibilities and freedoms. Charities will be the source of financial or other assistance and there will be conditions chosen by the local communities on those gifts. Schools won’t have computers, except maybe for those who are going into programming or graphic arts, nor will schools cost $3,000,000 to $10,000,000 apiece for 150 students. Road crews will no longer be paid $30 to $50 dollars an hour and receive unemployment checks through the winter. Your bills will be according to what people in your community are willing to pay and will be based on what people want, not on what the government says a cable company needs to provide. How much of your non-tax money goes to pay for things you neither need nor want? Lots. Some good things, some bad things, but it will be ours.

Will these changes occur? I cannot say. What I can say is that barring many of these changes, our nation is finished as a constitutionally viable government. If we fall, there will be a new dark age, as no other free nation will stand alone. Most of Europe is verged even closer to this disaster. China and India are reaching critical masses of ineligible bachelors, and will have to go to war with some other nation to cull that population or face civil wars of monstrous proportions. We can’t save the world. We can’t help those nations. We might not even have the strength or will to save ourselves.

Having said that, I should also say I am not worried. This is a fallen world and it will not rise on it’s own. The prophecies of doom have been with us, not only from Christian works, but from many if not all religious and philosophical understandings. As well, from my faith, I understand that this world is a minor reality in the true scheme of things. Much as a mother’s womb or a single day in our lives, the earth is neither the whole story nor the full truth, only a time and place for learning, experiencing life, and growing toward another end. As well, even should the US, and through us the rest of the world, fall into darkness, it doesn’t mean the end times are here. I think of the sacking of Rome, the fall of Greece, the dark ages, and even the fall of native American peoples and I have to wonder if they too thought the end must be at hand.

I feel better having put this out without hogging another’s blog. Hmm, nap or popcorn? Nap, the show hasn’t started. *grins*

Doubts, time, and today, mostly.

Ok, yes, some of my plans are a bit whack, probably in both senses of the word. Camping IN the trees? Reloading ammunition, is it really necessary? Even climbing trees seems to be a little suspect in some of the circles with which I have had contact. Look, this is my dream. It won’t be according to the plans and schedules of those with an ignorant first take nor even with the old hand campers, shooters, or climbers who have their own ways of doing things and seem to have little or no interaction from what I can find. Or, at least not according to any one discipline. I will steal ideas from here and add them to my thinking there, borrow some gear from hunters and integrate it into gear for camping, take some technical clothing from climbers and use it for hiking when it fits both need and want. And actually with ideas, gear, and clothing they will go wherever they work, I see a place where others can’t or won’t see the connection, and the price or my want fits. This safari is according to methods I know work, I’ve seen them all work. The combination of some of these might be novel to some, but they not only will work together, they make practical sense and financial sense as well.

Having said that, I will add that these plans are very preliminary. I started planning because of strong dreams, and only relatively recently. The dreams still visit, and I think it will happen, though it will not be specifically as I now think or envision. It is a grand notion, perhaps too grand. Time will tell. I understand the doubts. I understand the questions. I don’t understand the lack of understanding or seeming outright hostility I’ve encountered.

Oh, I made it to church again today. I would like to make it to mass a few times a week and Saturdays. I always feel right after a visit and Eucharist. Yet, I can’t quite go every day. Some thought I came to the Church because of my illness. I had to set them to rights, however. I arrived because I was called. I did everything I could to find a “right” alternative, as I feared the Church, right down to my boots. Yes, fear, I have it, if I rarely say so about this and many things (women frighten me just a touch too, in spite of having been in the company of one or two to put it lightly). I still haven’t shaken my fear of the church (or women), but I’m learning. Then again, I probably never will shake it completely, and that isn’t a bad thing. Anyway, my poor health probably kept me from joining long ago. My health issues have slowed down doing a great many things I feel I should do or want to do. I’m not there as a gimp looking for a God cookie or miraculous healing. I’m there because I was called, couldn’t refuse, and believe it right after exploring many options.

Well, I made it to Church last Saturday, but didn’t make it in to the shooting club to join. Sunday was dreary and cold, so I stayed in, read, contemplated, and of course, made the rounds to many blogs. Oh, I should get around to listing those blogs on my site. I have a couple dozen dozen or something. If for no other reason than my ease of getting to them. Currently my bookmarks have them about 4 panels deep, and some a fifth panel off the main bookmark panel. It gets tricky when I’m sleepy, grumpy, or hungry, which at times is all the time.

Well, cleaning the apartment is a slow thing. In a few areas, I keep falling behind where I was before I started cleaning. Sometimes, it’s not so bad being a bachelor. At least I receive no grief from a misses. When I finally looked over my shirts, every single one of them had a spot! My last gal always kept them spotless. Now that I’m doing better, I’m noticing these little things. So, I spent extra time washing them. Spot treating some, double or triple washes for all in cold water, then a final one in warm water. They are just going into the drier. Wish me luck.

A stitch in time...

So much time, so many interests, so little money. So the story goes. As I get set to start life anew, there are topics I feel I must learn. To that end, I have purchased a small library of practical guides, developed a network of bookmarks, and joined a few forums as well. The two guides I am currently most nose-deep in are “The Tree Climbers Companion” by Jeff Jepson and “The ABC’s of Reloading”. Knots, safety, techniques, terms, functions, and probabilities, all there to read and imagine but nothing to touch! Beyond those interests, I am researching modifications for my vehicle in order to travel in the mountains, camping gear, a bear defense revolver, and reloading equipment and components. All of which require money, and no small sum of it.

As I am figuring my needs and timetables, I am trying to prioritize my purchasing order. Initially, I thought cost might be the way. For many reasons that doesn’t work. For example, climbing is the least expensive of the needs and once the gear is in hand, it would be the least expensive to practice. Unlike the other projects or items, however, I am able to learn and practice this without paying the initial cost, and quite inexpensively at that. There happens to be a local public indoor rock climbing gym. Only some of that will cross over to tree climbing, but I think it will be enough. So, climbing gear goes to a back burner. How to figure the rest will be a mix of guessing, sales, luck, and consideration. Anyway I do it, it will be complicated, debatable, and financially precarious. I often get confused over this and that, scratching my head in uncertainty. I have to just let it go and see what will work out. I have my next item picked, but won’t be able to buy it for two months.

At $800+ dollars for a minimum kit plus the extras for solo climbing, it is the least expensive. To gear up the Xterra, I am looking at $3,500+ if I do the work myself, the camping gear will take $2,000+, the revolver is about $1000, the reloading kit is right at $2,000 (considering purchased ammunition costs for serious practice, and that this covers those costs, trust me that this pays for itself easily and allows me to tailor my rounds to my current skill level and then up to the needed ammunition), and the cost of practicing with camping gear and my vehicle will be $5000+ (with gas, food, fees, etc. for as many trips as possible). A grand total of $14,300+ dollars. If life wasn’t expensive, that wouldn’t be such a problem, but it is. Coming out of “what is left”, makes negotiating the costs a trick, especially the higher dollar pieces confounding a timely learning of skills. Only two of those sets can be bought in a single month, if I am careful. The rest will need several months of saving. I gave myself a little over two years to plan and prepare and I will need it, and a prayer.

I know, this might seem like quite an expense for a leisure tour. Let me correct something here and now. This is not for leisure, it is a chance at life, because I am slowly dieing as I sit here. If I do nothing, simply put, nothing will change. The medical field has mostly failed me for twenty years, but it has only just recently opened a window of opportunity for me to attempt a change. That window is both narrow and time sensitive. I won’t be able to do that by doing what I have been doing. My body is in good shape, extremely good if you knew the all the facts. My mind is good enough that before recent problems it was getting me through engineering college, if part time though without the recent help. But my will is in question. It is this that must be exercised. If I lose, if this fails, if the window closes before I can turn the window into a full fledged escape route or doorway or whatever, there may never be a way out again.

As well, after having survived many dark and terrible things, a harsh reality or two, and all the little extras life can add to the ignominy of situations, I just will not leave the slow march toward the grave of inactivity only to jump into a quick grave of pure adrenaline. I fully intend to go there and learn, survive and thrive, regain my will and way, and then to come back and move forward in a new life. To those ends, a lot of care and expense now will not only produce a more enjoyable and full life in the lead up, but will ensure my survival.